Paladin: Foul creature! How dar-

Lich: Woah, buddy. It's a Halloween party. I'm just here to mingle and eat candy.

Cleric: Hey! You made it!

L: Wouldn't miss it.

P: You invited this monster!?

C: We're all monster tonight, relax. Here, I spiked the punch.

P: I... what!?
#DnD

C: Go ahead, knock it back.

P: Oh, it's very... pungent. What did you put in there?

C: Dwarven Crystal Select. About 600 years old. I'm going to stand here until you drink it.

P: Fine. *gulp*

L: Woah! One pull, impressive.

P: Yeah well, my sword is even more impressive.

L: I think that was supposed to sound intimidating but it came across as you hitting on me.

P: What, wait. N-

C: Here's another round, you two have fun!

P: What is...

L: Oh I've been to the cave where they make this.

P: Yeah?

L: Yeah, worked there for a summer 900 years ago

Read 14 tweets

Santasox🎅

@snickelsox

24 Oct

Wizard: And over there is the Rainsoul of Azanol tribe.

Cleric: Yeah...

W: What's wrong?

C: Isn't it weird... taking these magical relics from other people to display them?

W: For sure! That's why almost all of these are mimics! You can even hold them if you're careful.
#DnD

C: So all these are fake?

W: Well, kinda. The mimics get a good look at the relic and then come here. They're less fragile and a few can even tell you about their forms. They get fed, we get knowledge, everybody wins.

C: How do they feel about it?

Mimic: It's a living.

W: It really cut down on heist attempts too, since the mimic relics protect themselves.

C: What about that mummy over there?

W: Coffin is, mummy isn't.

C: How is th-

Mummy: Look bud, there's not much work for me outside of being a historic display. We're all doing our best.

Read 4 tweets

Santasox🎅

@snickelsox

4 Jul

Here, I picked this for you. It will being you good luck.

Gotta come get it though.

Bring*

Apparently I'm not lucky enough to escape autocomplete.

Read 4 tweets

Santasox🎅

@snickelsox

4 Jul

Lich: Well done adventurers, you passed the test!

Cleric: What?

L: You've been deemed worthy to complete an epic quest!

C: Another one? We're already on a quest.

L: Huh?

C: A string of them. A king, a dragon, the goblin queen, a talking spider. Quests all the way down!
#DnD

C: I'm beginning to think we will never see the end of these quests.

L: Oh, uhh...

C: It's almost like we're just being kept busy with a string of endless tasks.

L: No no, that can't b-

C: But why would someone want to keep us busy with all these tasks?

L: Uhh...

C: Alright Lich, tell us what is going on.

L: N-nothing brave adventurers! Now about my quest...

C: I have the Archbane Deatheater Mace. Don't make me use it.

L: *tch* And you wonder why we would want to keep you busy.

C: Excuse me?

L: Adventurers can't be left unattended.

Read 6 tweets