Thread by @snickelsox

Paladin: Foul creature! How dar-

Lich: Woah, buddy. It's a Halloween party. I'm just here to mingle and eat candy.

Cleric: Hey! You made it!

L: Wouldn't miss it.

P: You invited this monster!?

C: We're all monster tonight, relax. Here, I spiked the punch.

P: I... what!?
#DnD

C: Go ahead, knock it back.

P: Oh, it's very... pungent. What did you put in there?

C: Dwarven Crystal Select. About 600 years old. I'm going to stand here until you drink it.

P: Fine. *gulp*

L: Woah! One pull, impressive.

P: Yeah well, my sword is even more impressive.

L: I think that was supposed to sound intimidating but it came across as you hitting on me.

P: What, wait. N-

C: Here's another round, you two have fun!

P: What is...

L: Oh I've been to the cave where they make this.

P: Yeah?

L: Yeah, worked there for a summer 900 years ago

*later*
Lich: I never even wanted to be a wizard. My dad pushed me into it.

P: Yeah, I understand. Their expectations drove me to be this.

L: What would you be if not a paladin?

P: A baker. I love sweets and I love how they bring us together.

L: I'd die for a cinnamon roll.

P: Good one. What about you? If you could be... something else?

L: I only became a lich to try and help things. I saw the world as broken and I had the power to fix it. But then the cracks gave way to a new world. It's still broken but not in the ways I understood. I don't know.

L: I've done so many things, good and bad. I'm not sure what I would even do from this point.

P: That's a tough one.

L: I always saw myself as a benefactor, that I could help lead us to peace; now I'm the monster, the villain of everyone's story.

P: I... have to go.

L: ...ok.

*much later*
L: Who dares distrub my crypt!? Oh! It's you...

P: Hey.

L: Come to destroy me then... alright. Let's get on with it.

P: No, actually. Well, kinda. I brought you something.

L: Fresh cinnamon rolls?

P: I made them myself. I did eat one though.

L: I... don't...

P: I'm not a paladin anymore. Well, I am, but only secondary to my bakery. I was thinking about you, about dying.

L: I'm not following.

P: You weren't sure what you would do. You seemed trapped in your role. Heh, role, cinnamon roll.

L: Uh...

P: Anyway, I devised a solution.

P: I defeat you... by giving you some cinnamon rolls. You said you'd die for them. And once you're "dead" you can start over. New life, learn about all these new cracks.

L: I can't. I mean, what would I even do? Who would be the big bad?

P: There's always another big bad.

P: And my bakery is actually really popular. I need someone to help me run it. It's called Pelor's Pastries.

L: Why are you doing this?

P: I'm a hero, even without the sword and shield. Doing the right thing is just what I do.

L: I've done so many awful things. I'm the villain

P: I know. We all know. But everyone deserves a chance at redemption.

L: And I'm getting it via sweet rolls.

P: Good deal, right?

L: Too good. You don't know all the things I've done.

P: Don't need to. I'd like to know more of your past but it's yours, not mine.

P: So?

L: You're a fool.

P: Oh...

L: A wonderful, beautiful fool. I've never wanted to die more than I do now.

P: No I'm not- Oh! Ok, yeah. Here, I brought two forks. Ready to be defeated?

L: Those who live by the fork, die by the fork.

P: Haha!

*much much later*
Customer: These are amazing!

P: Thanks, old family recipe.

L: Incredibly old. Found that one in a book bound with human sk-

P: So glad you like them! *glare*

Cu: Y'all are cute. How did you two find each other?

P: That's a long story.

L: Ancient!

And then they smooched.

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