Thread by @CCCBuryStEd

I’ve just found out my friend/mentor/person I love/ person I look up to…..

Is an abuser.

A 🧵

#coercivecontrol
#DomesticAbuse
#bullying
#sexualassault

Someone has just told you that the person you know, the person who is your friend, your mentor, your confidante, your loved one, your family member, your associate, your colleague, your volunteer, your fundraiser, your boss, your priest, your therapist, your teacher

is an abuser

What do you do?

Believe the victim. That’s how it goes, right?
Believe the VICTIM.

But this doesn’t SOUND like the person you know.
This doesn’t sound like the person you love, respect, look up to, admire, rely on, depend on, collaborate with.

This doesn’t sound like them.

And you KNOW them, right? You KNOW they wouldn’t do what they have been accused of.

You KNOW, just KNOW that they would never be violent or abusive or bullying or rape.

You KNOW this BECAUSE you DON’T make friends with rapists and abusers, right?

You ONLY befriend GOOD PEOPLE.

You KNOW this because you would KNOW if a person could do this.

YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO TELL!

And you would NEVER choose to befriend/love/admire/look up to an abuser and perpetrator.

I mean, what kind of person would that make you?

No, it must be a mistake. You KNOW it’s a mistake.
You’ve never seen them bully or be mean ( unless they were tired or had a bad day and then it’s understandable, right? )

They’ve never tried it on with you, never put their hand on you inappropriately,

so there is NO WAY they could do it to someone else, right?

There’s NO WAY they would be a bad person, I mean, they had a bad childhood, have overcome ADVERSITY, or they work TIRELESSLY for disadvantaged people.

They are relentless in their charitable giving. They are a pillar of the community. They are famous.

They MUST BE GOOD!

It must be a mistake, or the person making the accusation has lied.

Yes, that’s what it is- they lied.

They have an axe to grind, they are out for revenge, they are
bitter, or mentally ill, or evil.

Yes, THEY ARE THE PROBLEM

QUESTIONING the person you love/look up to/admire/collaborate with /work with/rely on

Would mean that you don’t trust them.
They would think you are disloyal
And you don’t want them to think that.

And it would mean you would have to do something about it
You couldn’t just ignore what you know and pretend you didn’t know it, could you?

No, don’t even think of that, put it to one side.
It’s not worth thinking about.

But WHAT IF you did think it?

It would mean changes to the status quo.

It would mean leaving the person you love - who’s been accused of rape.

It would mean informing on the person who is paying your salary

It would mean bringing to an end the business you both cofounded

It would mean losing status

And QUESTIONING THEM would mean you’d have to ask yourself: WHY DIDN’T I SEE THE SIGNS?

And you’d have to start questioning YOURSELF.

And what it says about you that you didn’t see it.

And why you didn’t see it.