Thread by @CCCBuryStEd

“ He doesn’t hit me”

THREAD 🧵

#coercivecontrol #domesticabuse #psychologicalabuse #emotionalabuse

He hasn’t hit me or punched me or strangled me or threatened to kill me.
He hasn’t done any of that, he’s not like that. He’d never hurt me. He’s not like that.

He doesn’t hit me. He’d never hit me.

But he pushed me against the wall, when I got a text from a boy and said he was jealous.

I blamed myself for making him feel sad and stopped talking to this boy.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he told me my friends were no good because they badmouthed me to him.

And he was such an amazing boyfriend, I believed him.
Of course I did.

I believe HIM not them.

He doesn’t hit me but he told me my best friend came onto him. He had to fend her off and he thought I should know.
That she wasn’t to be trusted.
That she might tell lies about what REALLY happened.
And he was right, she did say something different.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he would yell at me, call me names, make me cry.

And then he would apologise with flowers and chocolates and weekends away and say he didn’t mean it, it was because he was tired or had a bad day.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he gets frustrated easily. It’s because he was abandoned as a child and he is still working through his issues and so he flares up easily and throws things.

And they’re always my things. Never his.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he told me that he’d die if I left him.
That he wouldn’t want to live without me.

And if we had an argument he would swallow pills in front of me and I would be terrified.
And then do whatever he wanted because I didn’t want to cause him more pain.

He doesn’t hit me.

He told me he loved me. He loved me so much and had no secrets from me and that if I loved him as much I should have no secrets from him.

That included the password to my email and access to my phone.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he told me he still fantasised about sex with his ex and he would sometimes call out her name when he was with me.

And then make a big deal about how sorry he was and about how I didn’t love him unconditionally.
Until I believed him.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he would take my car.

And go *off grid* and not come back all day.
And I’d miss an important meeting or an appointment or the chance to see a friend I hadn’t seen in years, who lived overseas.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he would say things that made me cry.

And then he would tell me I looked ugly when I cry and that I looked nothing like the beautiful person I was when I didn’t cry.

He never hit me.

But I had to give him access to my bank account, or it would prove I didn’t trust him. And if that was the case, what’s the point of having a relationship?

But he would spend and not leave enough for the bills.
And accuse me of monitoring and controlling him.

He doesn’t hit me.

But he told me I was crazy
I was really hard work and that most people wouldn’t be able to deal with me and all my shit.

And that only he could love me.

Only HE would ever love me.

He never hit me.

He’s never told me I’m fat or ugly or disgusting like the men who really ARE abusive.
No. He tells me I’m not as pretty or as sexy as his ex and that my body isn’t as good but he loves ME more.
I’m blessed.

He never hit me.

But he phoned and texted continually when I was out with friends. And each time something would happen like he’d cut his hand open and he’s bleeding heavily or my hamster suddenly died and I’d have to rush home.

He doesn’t hit me

But he punches the wall behind my head, when he’s angry.

And clenches his fist
And his jaw
And glares.

But at least he doesn’t hit me.