Thread by @clare_bwell

Trying desperately not to think about it but having been inadvertently given access to all of my GP notes on system one including psychiatric notes when I was only trying to access a copy of my summary care record is very unsettling. I had deliberately intended never to read 1/

any of my notes. Having worked for the #NHS in some capacity intermittently since 2005 (including time as an admin assistant to a #MHA office) and as a doctor since 2011 I am acutely aware that medical notes can sometimes be brutally dehumanising. I understand it is @rcpsych 2/

guidance now that clinic letters are sent to patients but I previously opted out of receiving them. It always felt so strange to read about myself in such a clinical way. I began to dread the brown envelopes with the off white NHS paper that came through the letterbox. 3/

Like any of us who come to need MH services in our lifetime I am more than my #ICD 10 diagnosis, "relapse signature" or care plan approach. I know that I am generally a modest, self-deprecating, calm person who is more than happy to take the piss out of myself as much as 4/

I am anyone else. 😉 I'm English but am proud of my #Irish and #Scottish heritage and the tradition of humour in those cultures. It is lovely to be back in Glasgow for the weekend visiting old friends. The city where the c word is used as a term of endearment. 😂 I have such 5/

fond memories of the people I met and worked with here.

I work as a #SAS doctor in Gastroenterology because the demands of the training programme that I worked hard to gain a place in were too much alongside managing treatment for #mentalillness. My colleagues consider me a 6/

reliable and useful pair of hands when I'm well. I know that I have provided effective, safe and compassionate care to patients and hope to continue to do so when I'm better.

It is hard to describe how upsetting it is to see myself described as "demanding", "irritable", 7/

"unreasonable" and "hysterical". (I had really hoped we had moved beyond defining women's distress by our reproductive organs in 2023.. 🙄)

Perhaps most disturbing is "claiming to be a hospital doctor to seek preferential treatment". "Appears to be pretending to be manic in 8/

order to access sedating medication". I have close friends with #bipolar disorder. I consider it grossly insulting to them and all the suffering they have endured to even suggest a person would do such a thing. With all the terrible news about the #NHSCrisis and #NHSStrikes at 9/

the moment why would anyone want to pretend to be a doctor?! People aren't clapping 👏 us anymore. Even more strange to think a person would pretend to be a Gastroenterologist.. we mainly ask people nosy qs about their 💩, tell them to stop boozing and stick cameras in 10/

unmentionable places.

I do not think I have bipolar disorder. I have had severe depression in the past and now I have #PTSD. I hate taking sedating medication if I can help it. I couldn't wait to see the back of #mirtazapine.. and was delighted to be offered low dose 11/

Aripiprazole rather than Quetiapine for recurrent severe depression because it doesn't make you sleep 10 hours a day.. Sleeping that much isn't that compatible with life. I like life.

I'd just like to be supported to get through this cycle of #PTSD symptoms so I can get 12/

back to enjoying it. Being this restless and agitated and sleepless all the time is not fun. There is only so much I can do to help myself. I have been living like a nun off the booze and caffeine and trying to CBT-I myself with @Sleepio for weeks now. It's not working. 13/

I don't know what else I can do. Thanks to all those of you who've reached out in response to my recent tweets. It means a lot.

And thank you to all those of you still working in the #NHS who can hold some hope and kindness for any of us who find ourselves in a MH crisis. 14/

You have provided some bright spots in a very tough few weeks. 🎆

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