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1/ Reading the Star Wars 1313 chapter in Blood, Sweat & Pixels triggered some complex emotions, and not just for reasons you might imagine.
2/ The book sheds light on what it's like to make videogames *as a creator*; how hard it is, how complex it is, how personal it is.
3/ I've upheld a long-standing policy of not contributing to behind-the-scenes reports. Maybe it's time to (kinda) break with tradition:
4/ Maybe my personal life experience, which I haven't publicly shared before, can illuminate life in game development just a bit more. So.
5/ I wasn't in the office when Disney acquired Lucas on Oct 30, 2012. I got an SMS about it, sitting at a hospital, waiting for my wife.
6/ I was deep in SW1313 prepro, we were there for a routine early ultrasound for our 2nd baby. The Disney thing added a wrinkle to both.
7/ That became especially true a bit later when the ultrasound didn't just reveal my baby's heartbeat, but also that of her twin sister.
8/ (I might not be able to accurately explain the feeling of finding out that you're pregnant with twins, on top of a toddler. But...)
9/ (It feels a bit like you're drowning, and somebody hands you a baby.)
10/ Making games is a constant battle against uncertainty. Doing so while Disney is acquiring your company and with 2 babies in the pipe...
11/ Did I mention the drowning?
12/ Anyway, this isn't supposed to be an exercise in self pity or acknowledgement. I'm not here to describe *actual* hardship.
13/ But it is context for what I'm trying to explain to you next: that where you see a finished game, a game developer sees a lot more.
14/ Where you see a very cool Star Wars game that tragically got cancelled, my memories are move involved, and my thoughts about...
15/ those last few months of SW1313 development are not just memories of a game that could have been.
16/ I remember feeling dazed and confused and asking our leads group to cover for me while I was dealing with "personbal life stuff".
17/ I remember two multi-day emergency trips to Kaiser to stop early labor, because it was definitely way too early to meet our children.
18/ I remember interviewing during that 2nd time (post Lucas closure), and the effort to keep continuous health insurance for the family.
19/ Every game developer has these kinds of life stories on top of actual game development memories. This is just my personal account.
20/ At the end of game credits you usually find the names of "Production Babies". I understand if that section barely registers.
21/ But the next time you see it, it might serve as a reminder of the lives that are attached to the game you've just been playing.
22/ It might be a reminder of the memories that a team of game developers associates with that game.
23/ This is 100% true for non-game-developers as well, of course: life experiences shape our memories. Just providing my example, in games.
24/ I have many good memories of the last few months of Star Wars 1313 dev as well, by the way.
25/ I remember arriving in Hawaii just a week after the Disney news, on the evening when Obama won his reelection campaign.
26/ I remember sketching a combat showcase level & sneaking into the office over xmas to make it as a surprise for when everybody returned.
27/ I remember an entire LD team rallying around it & creating ever-better levels lfor the next few weeks, for the team to play & review.
28/ I remember adding the jetpack feature during those last few months, which added a whole new dimension to our arenas.
29/ I remember a team that stuck together until the very end and kept making SW1313 more awesome, because everyone believed in one another.
30/ Man... for all the uncertainty and waiting, those were good times.
31/ In the end, things always work out. The cancellation of Star Wars 1313 led to me making Mafia 3, a game I'm really quite proud of. Why?
32/ Well, for all of the obvious reasons, of course. But also for a bunch that you might not immediately imagine.
33/33 (The End) 
PS1/ For a woman's perspective on having twins, my wife @cafevic has written extensively about it: victoriaestrella.com/category/1-to-…
PS2/ My twins were born three weeks into me working on Mafia 3, so they're officially M3 development babies.
PS3/ Maybe I should change my policy a bit and contribute to behind-the-scenes reports in the future We'll see.
