This will likely be long. Probably should be a blog, but who reads blogs?
If you take nothing else away from it, take away this:
No one is too harmless to be harmful.
Um.
Porque no los dos? Why not both?
They're not the same.
Still helpless. Not harmless.
Because they didn't think they could damage anyone, because in their heads they're harmless.
We're people beating against other people.
That baby is white, and may possibly grow into a mentally and physically abled allocishet man with all the privilege that imparts.
No.
Because I STILL PUNCHED A MOTHERFUCKING BABY.
You cannot sit back and say "Sure, he punched that baby, but like he's super-marginalized so I don't think I should say anything because it might be punching down?"
IT'S PUNCHING A MOTHERFUCKING BABY, AND YES YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING.
(Seriously if I ever get so wilding I punch a baby, someone restrain me and have a come to Jesus talk, okay?)
This is where it gets long.
Really long.
Strap in for some dirty laundry, y'all.
I trusted her words when she said she was angry, and was like "yeah, chile, we done known about that one, welcome to the fold."
Not from me.
From her.
She consistently twisted the reality of what happened, what I did, what I said.
My brain was in this fucked up foggy half-scared place, at which point I realized I was completely fucking triggered because this person was abusing me.
This was also the culmination of years of me not saying "Hey, no, that's not okay" because, guess what?
I wasn't going back there.
A bucket comes up from a well full of poison water, I'm not gonna hope the next dip comes up fresh.
She'd had a history of ignoring my boundaries, but that was the last time.
Because of her I've retreated to my private circle, shut off to new friends, put others at arm's length in a way that probably confuses and hurts them.
That kind of burn leaves me too wary to get burned again.
It completely boggles my mind that she can in any way excuse her own culpability in me walking away, and then I realized:
She thinks nothing she did during that 20-hour marathon mess had any effect on me, because to her she's not capable of harming me but I'm entirely capable of harming her.
It doesn't mean I'm immune from harm.
It doesn't mean she can walk away as if she didn't leave a scar and behave as if she's a victim to someone she used as a punching bag.
But she's not too harmless to be harmful.
No one is too harmless to be harmful.
For Tristina Wright, discrediting victims of sexual assault by using her own trauma to claim that she's incapable and completely harmless.
It's how cisqueer people continuously damage trans folk.
It's how alloromantic, allosexual people make aroaces feel invisible.
It's how the entire queer community consistently dismisses the concerns of disabled folk.
There is no perfect victim, either, who is always the one harmed and never the one harming.
You can.
No one--not you, not me, not the people you love, not the people you hate--is too harmless to be harmful.