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Hilarious story-teller 😂 || Meme Expert😊 || Film Maker👌 || C.E.O: The-Eagle's Apogee LTD. 💪🤝 📨
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8 Aug
Few things I have experienced in my first 14days of marriage.

When I decided to tie the knot, one of the first things a friend told me was... “Guy, you don get license to Mekwe without guilt.”

I gave a big grin 😊

Brethren, grab a seat.
Issa thread 🧵
I’m not gonna lie like some motivational speakers, I was very excited about the idea of guilt free sex.

Imagine the thrill of NOT begging God for forgiveness after a wonderful session of Mekwe.

Hearing the Angels compliment you as you take every stroke.
The confidence in taking communion in church and winking at your partner that you just sent to high heavens few minutes before service.

The beauty of receiving instant satisfaction from your partner when Lord Stallion gives you signal.
Read 16 tweets
10 Sep 19
The chances of a man having sexual intercourse with a mother and daughter is 1 in 1000. In my wildest dreams I never believed I’ll engage in one. A volcano was set to erupt as I stood in the room with both.

Issa thread.
#feeltheeagle #TuesdayMotivation
Reality dawned on me that Mrs. Clark was Jessie’s mum as I struggled to process the shock.

Damn, I had slept with both mother and daughter without knowing.

“Femi!” Mrs. Clark screamed.

“You two know each other?” Jessie asked.
There was a long pause.

“Mum!… Femi say something.” Jessie yelled trying to process what was going on.
Read 70 tweets
3 Sep 19

Life comes at you very fast. One minute you’re balling with the richest and hottest sugar mummy in Abuja, the next minute you are back on the streets looking for a job.
Life wasn’t easy after getting dumped by Mrs. Clark.

Brethren Issa thread.
The hurl of insults from Bolaji on the missed opportunity didn’t help matters.
“Femi, You had a cougar who gave you everything. Money, cars, house, mouth watering allowances, including a bomb p**sy to die for. Yet, You still went ahead looking for a job. You will die poor.”
“I didnt want my degree to waste.” I said.
“Your degree kill you there. How many times would I tell you that School is a big scam?”
Read 82 tweets
5 Mar 19

“You have been sentenced to life imprisonment with hard labour.” The judge said as he banged the gavel. Those words echoed as I held the prison bars in anger.

My life was ruined because of a woman.
How did I get here?

Issa thread.
#feeltheeagle #TuesdayMotivation
Seyitan stood stark naked in front of me.

“Bayo, don’t you like what you see?” She said seductively.
Her firm nipples and curved body shaped like a sea goddess were too hard to resist as my Erect manhood sold me out.
“But…but…” I stuttered.
Read 86 tweets
21 Jan 19
Who's ready for the concluding episode of BROKEN?

Sade's past haunts her. Will she pull through?

Find out as I take you on another thrilling adventure tomorrow at 8A.M (GMT+1)🇳🇬

Click the quoted tweet to refresh yourself on the previous episodes.

Counting Down. 🕗
11hrs 26mins to go!

Keep soaring.🦅
Read 6 tweets
15 Jan 19

As I approached the canal to dispose the baby, A bright light flashed on me.
I was caught red handed.
“Hold it right there.” A male voice thundered with authority.

Brethren, Issa thread.
#feeltheeagle #depression #TuesdayThoughts #TuesdayMotivation
I stood motionless. I thought of running, but the road was too dark.
As he approached me, I noticed he had a locally made pistol and a well sharpened machete.

I closed my eyes to say my last prayers.
“Please, don’t hurt me.” I begged.
He didn’t say a word.

Suddenly, he blew a whistle. More armed men trooped out from different corners.
In a matter of minutes, I was surrounded.

Though I was tired of life, I didn’t want it to end this way.
Read 81 tweets
8 Jan 19

Lita! Lita! Please wake up!” I screamed holding her lifeless body.
“Mum, you’ve killed her. I guess you’re happy now.” Bola said wryly as tears streamed down her eyes.

Brethren Issa thread.
#depression #TuesdayThoughts
“Take this.” She said handing me a note.
It read.
“Mum, All efforts to make you happy have proved futile. I guess my corpse will bring you joy.
Signed: A broken child.”
My reaction.
A cold chill ran down my spine. Flashes of my past actions came in quick succession.
Read 92 tweets
18 Dec 18
THE RANCOUR PT4 (Final Episode)

Segun’s heartbreak had caused a rift in my heart. The pain, agony and trauma were too much to bear. Bitterness filled my heart. Only one thing would give me joy; Revenge.

Brethren, Issa Thread.
#feeltheeagle #tuesdaymotivation
“How did you pull through the heart break?” The counsellor asked.

“It was a bitter sweet experience.” Bisi said.

“Continue with the story.” She urged.
I went to NYSC camp in Niger state. Hoping to start a new life.

Jerry called daily to ensure I was Ok in camp.

He tried everything to make me forgive and forget Segun. I found it difficult.

Jerry was also heart broken by betty, but I admired the way he handled it.
Read 62 tweets
11 Dec 18

The trauma of being dickmatised set in barely 5days into Segun's departure for South Africa.
Adjusting to a new life without him was difficult.
6months seemed like 6centuries.

Brethren, issa thread.
#feeltheeagle #TuesdayMotivation #TuesdayThoughts
Before we proceed lets have a recap of PT 1& 2.
Bisi was in a relationship with Segun. Her sexual urges were uncontrollable. This led to series of abortions

Según travelled to SA on a 6month training for his new position at work.
(Check the thread of my pinned tweet to catch up)
Let’s get down to business.
Shall we?

Please do well to retweet. I see lots of votes on the polls compared to retweets.
Biko nu!
Read 91 tweets
30 Oct 18

I could feel life fade away as I gasped for breath from the firm grip on my neck.
“I will kill you today.” Said the monster, ironically my husband who pushed me against the Balcony.

Brethren Issa thread.
#domesticviolence #TuesdayThoughts #feeltheeagle
The most anticipated wedding in Benin City had just concluded. The cloak of being unmarried had been removed. I heaved a sigh of relief. I reminisced on the Red flags I saw before marrying pastor Oamen, I believed marriage would change him.
We bid our members farewell.
We got home.
“Come Closer. On your knees” He said.
I Knelt. He laid hands on my head.
“Oh lord! Give her the grace to be humble. Make her worship me. She must respect me. She will submit like a good wife. Nothing will break the union In Jesus name.”
"Amen." I said Reluctantly.
Read 66 tweets
23 Oct 18

I opened the door.
“Pastor” I screamed.
“Honey, It is the work of the devil. She seduced me.” Pastor Oamen (My husband to be) begged pointed at Bimbo who withdrew her mouth from his erect penis.

Brethren, Issa thread.
#terrifictuesday #TuesdayMotivation
“Ladies and Gentlemen, with a standing ovation make welcome, A woman of honour, a role model, philanthropist, business tycoon and humanitarian. Mrs Eno Oamen.” Said the MC.
An excited crowd cheered as she Mounted the podium.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn’t plan to be motivational speaker. Life made me one. My story should be a lesson to you all who want to get married.” Said Eno.
I was 30 and unmarried after many failed relationships. The pressure from my family was unbearable.
Read 71 tweets
9 Oct 18

I was pinned to the ground. I watched them take turns on me. 4 of them. My pubic region hurt badly. I closed my eyes awaiting death to lay its icy hands on me. But life was keen to show me a side I never wanted to experience.

Issa thread.
Mary walked into the house sobbing. "Mum, I'm tired of men. infact men are scum."
"Why dear?" Lizzy asked.
"Tunde broke up with me."
"And you generalise men as scum because of that?"
"Yes mum. I've heard many bad stories about men."
"What can you say of your dad?"
"He is nice. You are lucky to have him."
"Seat down, young woman. Let me tell you a story of my life."
Read 44 tweets
25 Sep 18
“Honey! I can't find my penis.” Tayo whispered
“You must be joking.” Funke said adjusting her wedding gown.
“May the Bride and groom proceed to make their vows.” The pastor called out.
Funke gave him a stern look.
Tayo‘s reaction.

Brethren Issa crazy thread
Tayo woke up feeling excited. It was his wedding day.
With high expectations he knew this was going to be the best day of his life.
Segun & Shola, his best friends walked in.
“At last, you’ll get laid today.”
“Yes O! The wait was worth it.”
“Na man you be. I can’t even stay a week without it. Talk more of staying with one woman.” Shola remarked.
“Sex is sweet but before marriage it is a sin.” Tayo retorted
Read 60 tweets
18 Sep 18

“Bayo, I’m pregnant. What are we going to do about it?” Uduak asked
There was an awkward silence.
He looked down at his manhood. “ Shey you see wetin you don cause. Konji na bastard.” He thought to himself.

Brethren Issa thread.
#feeltheeagle #terrifictuesday
Bayo had just been transferred to Calabar to manage a new branch of his firm. Despite the promotion he felt lonely and sad. Distance had separated him from Bolanle - the love of his life:
He rented a 2 bedroom apartment at the heart of Calabar. Marian to be precise.
He loved everything about the City. It was cool, calm, Clean and green unlike the Lagos hustling and bustling of people.
Read 89 tweets
11 Sep 18
Before we get down to business, lets have a recap of PT1
Joe narrated how circumstances led him to date a demented cougar who was ready to take down any female that comes close to him
Read below👇

Brace yourself for suspense.
Issa thread.
If you haven’t read PT1 click the quoted tweet above before continuing this thread.👆

For those who have read the previous episode, Let’s get down to business.
Shall we?
I introduced my sister to her. She gave a wry smile and walked inside.
I could sense danger beneath the smile. I dragged my sister and ran after her.
She slammed the door on us.
“Brother Joe, Who is she?” Mary asked.
I was tongue tied. telling her the truth would disappoint her.
Read 71 tweets
4 Sep 18

“I watched her bleed to death, it was the most relieving sight to behold. I could feel the adrenaline rush come to an end.”

“Joe! I don’t believe you. You can’t hurt a fly.” Said Jenny.
“Believe me. I did it for you.”

Issa thread.
#feetheeagle #terrifictuesday
“I’m ready to confess everything to you. If you chose to hear me out.”

Jenny gave a long pause still trying to process the shocking confession she was about to hear.

“Ok Joe, go ahead.” She said in a low tone.
“I had just gained admission into the prestigious University of Lagos. Mum and Dad died in a car crash en route to my matriculation. It was the worst day of my life.
Read 69 tweets
28 Aug 18

Fred stood with arms on his head looking at the motionless body of the hooker he barely met 2hours ago.

“My penis don put me for wahala.” He wailed.

“Guy, we need to dispose this body before daybreak” Efe suggested.

Brethren, Issa Crazy thread.
Fred hustled for years without reward. Every available option failed. Living from hand to mouth was a miracle as the chances of surviving the next day became a gamble.
His only escape was ‘Corporate begging.’
He laced his shoe, tucked in his shirt and set off for the daily hustle.
Read 82 tweets
21 Aug 18

Before we get down to business, lets have a recap of PT1
Kate narrated how she turned down mark’s proposal despite the sacrifices he made.
Read below.👇

Brethren, Grab your popcorn. Issa suspense filled thread.

Now, Let’s get down to business.
Shall we?

“You have been sentenced to 25 years in prison with hard labour.” The Judge said. The sound of the Gavel shattered my heart. I can still hear the echoes of the Gavel." Kate said.
Read 85 tweets
7 Aug 18

Fred looked at his completely ruptured penis. The pain from the teeth marks inflicted on his machine gun by Lady Binta who laid motionless on the floor was excruciating.
Emeka’s laughter added salt to the injury.

Brethren grab your popcorns issa thread.
You may wonder how fred got himself into this mess.
Years back, Fred was a casualty of the mass sacking in banks during the economic melt down.
He struggled to get a job, after many failed interviews.
On this faithful day, after another unfruitful interview he was ramped into a mud of water by an SUV who had lost its brakes.
Read 81 tweets
31 Jul 18
Before we get down to business lets have a brief recap of part 1

Issa Thread.

PART1 - Amanda struggled to find love, Her stigma made her develop a strong hatred for men.

Ensure you read the quoted tweet above 👆 (THE FEMINIST PT1) before you continue.

Lets get down to business.

“Dad, you wanted having a word with me.” Amanda inquired.
“Yes dear. You just turned 31, and we are yet to see any man.”
“Marriage is not an accomplishment.” Amanda said.

Mum and Dad’s reaction.

Issa thread.
Read 82 tweets
17 Jul 18

She opened the door.
“Femi!” Amanda screamed.
“Why are you acting surprised, What you couldn’t give me, I got it elsewhere.” Femi retorted.
She pulled the bedsheet to reveal the lady hiding her face. Behold it was Funke her best friend.

Issa thread.
Amanda Coker was raised in a christian home. Her father was the G.O of Temple of life ministries. Being a youth leader in church, she lived an exemplary life for youths to emulate. Her goal was to preserve her virginity till marriage.
Femi was a first timer in church. Amanda welcomed him. His smile left her spell bound. She felt a strange feeling she had never felt before.
“Sweet Jesus, he’s good looking.” She thought to herself.
Read 78 tweets