Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #EpicFantasy

Most recents (22)

1)
“Don’t leave her in the street,” King Elvar advises. “People who leave trails of old ladies acquire certain reputations. Not something that matters to a king, but…”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Chantratha replies, “but we do have a cunning plan.”
Wolf nods and opens the side door of Arvaeydur’s House of Nigh-Irresistible Pleasures once more.
To reveal, waiting inside, the many-tusked smile…
#epicfantasy
3)
…of Dardratha The Whipstrangler, Skorg to the Discerning. However, her eager grin falls when she gazes upon the face of the unconscious witch.
“Sarka!” She spits the name, and follows it with actual spittle.
“Foe?” Wolf asks.
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
The Pirate King shows veteran experience by departing in a slow and leisurely manner, sidestepping to get out of view of the skorg or anyone else looking through the doorway before he begins to sprint.
Wolf calmly nods to…
#epicfantasy
2)
…Dardratha ere unhurriedly departing Arvaeydur’s House of Nigh-Irresistible Pleasures, and closing the door.
To find himself transfixed by the suspicious gaze of a woman who resembles nothing so much as a gruff, irate sheepdog.
#epicfantasy
3)
“You! Now that you’ve been in THERE, you’ve caught it!”
Wolf lofts an eyebrow. “I haven’t made any effort to catch anything, since my arrival in fair Thurnia. Could you be more specific?”
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
1)
“Ah. So you’re on a hunt. Floggings must wait?”
“For now, I fear so. Though I know now who to seek: Dardratha The Whipstrangler, Skorg to the Discerning.”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Indeed! The ONLY place in Thurnia where one expert wields three whips at once! I can devastate you with both arms and tail!”
“I look forward to it. Once our hunt is done. Palonder, if you’ll lead the way?”
#epicfantasy
3)
“Certainly, Lord. Warning: the Elvar is stirring.”
“I had not failed to notice. He needs air. Take him outside. Before he starts to speak.”
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
1)
The King does miss it, but he’s busy sighing, shaking his head, and asking, “Who shut all of you in the crypt? As opposed to any of my hundreds of closets and antechambers and robing rooms and—and—”
#epicfantasy
2)
“—other handy chambers,” Wolf steps in smoothly to finish the royal sentence, “that lie waiting, scattered across this vast and overblown labyrinth of a Palace?”
“Halark of the Howling Abyss,” the Dark Sister replies coldly.
#epicfantasy
3)
“And who by the Sacred Stumbles of the Gods,” the King rasps, “is Halark of the Howling Abyss?”
“He’s the archwizard who lives in this Palace. You Kings of Neverune are merely unwitting guests.”
“WHAT???”
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
The Dark Sister smirks. “I’ll say this for you, Wolf: you lie, swindle, cheat, and murder with a certain style.”
“Deeply Oily, I call it,” Chantratha murmurs. As some charred clothing falls away, laying bare one shoulder.
#epicfantasy
2)
“Time to go shopping,” the ghost suggests, pointing at Chant.
“Believe me, when I find a suitable selection of clothing…”
“Like this?” the ghost suggests, her shadowy self swirling into a plunge-front high-collared gown.
#epicfantasy
3)
“I was thinking more black velvet-covered plate armor,” Chant replies rather grimly. “Bristling with magical powers. And a codpiece. I’ve always wanted a codpiece.”
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
“Chant,” Wolf says suddenly, “see yon door? Open it—WARILY—and see if there’s a loose spline of wood in the edge, below the latch.”
“Done. There is. Safe to pull out?”
“Yes. Hold to the spline, it’ll become a handle.”
#epicfantasy
2)
Chant does so—and finds herself holding a “U” of wood: the spline, a top-bar, and a second, longer flat stick, that has a cord wrapped around and around it, ending in a tie to a hole in the stick’s bottom end, and with the…
#epicfantasy
3)
…top pinched in a wooden jaw at the top end. Chant looks at Wolf. “You pre-prepare for hauling up errant courtiers in this wing of the Palace?”
“Preparation for trussing captives, actually.”
“Ah. That’s more the Wolf I know.”
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
1)
“Well, aren’t you fortunate, Palonder? Many of us wait all our lives for doors to open for us. And here a large collection is opening for you, all at once. Be suitably grateful.”
#epicfantasy
2)
“What can you see through them?” Chant asks Palonder, pointedly ignoring Wolf.
“That I may have a very brief future,” Palonder mutters. “Lord Wolf, have you NO magic left?”
#epicfantasy
3)
“I do have magic left, but I doubt you’re going to appreciate the usefulness of a spell that makes rosy bobbing pink glows in midair, just at the moment.”
#epicfantasy
Read 6 tweets
1)
Wolf gives him a look that’s been kept cold at the heart of a glacier for at least an ice age. “MOST helpful, Palonder. Now suppose you be MORE helpful—all of you, of Neverune!—by falling flat to the floor and STAYING there.”
#epicfantasy
2)
Chant and Palonder comply with alacrity. So does the King—after Chant interrupts his frowning stare at Wolf by reaching up and hauling him bodily down.
“Playing dead?” the Valk of Valk sneers. “THAT’S your response?”
#epicfantasy
3)
Wolf gives him a Wolf’s smile and collapses sideways to the floor, at the same time lifting his injured, bleeding hand. The rings on it flash and then flare into bright light, he roars in pain, a sizzling is heard that comes…
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
1)
“Have a care, sirrah! I’m not a man to be laughed at!”
“No? You’ve not seen your face in a mirror?”
“WHAAAT? For THAT, you’ll die SLOWLY!”
“Good, if by ‘slowly’ you mean about sixty years from now. That’s acceptably slow decay.”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Is this what passes for HUMOUR in Neverune???”
“Evidently. And just who are you, loud man with glowing sword?”
The man draws himself up and strikes a gleaming pose that includes a florid arm-wave. It’s evidently a signal to…
#epicfantasy
3)
…forty or so lesser warriors to rush past him on either side, and form a bristling wall of drawn steel in front of him.
Over their heads, the man with the glowing sword shifts to a grander pose, and announces grandly, …
#epicfantasy
Read 6 tweets
1)
The Princess is still keening in agony and hurling sharp steel all over the room rather wildly, so Wolf does something to another ring that makes her disappear.
“The Red Reception Chamber?”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Of course. They should be getting used to it by now, hmm?”
And another ring sighs into sparkling dust that falls from Wolf’s hand.
He shakes his head. “We’d best hurry. I don’t know how fast wizards reassemble.”
#epicfantasy
3)
“Not so fast, miscreants!”
The shout comes from the doorway where the tentacled Princess first appeared. And to be more precise, from the throat of a burly man in gleaming plate armour, helmless and hefting a glowing sword.
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
“So you’ve destroyed her, now, but what had she—”
“Possibly.”
“POSSIBLY? We saw the, ah, gore. And lumps of tentacle. That’s more than ‘possibly.’”
“For someone, yes. Let me rephrase: possibly the princess.”
#epicfantasy
2)
“There’s MORE THAN ONE OF THEM?”
“Possibly. It’s becoming a popular, useful word, isn’t it?”
“HOW possibly, this ‘more than one’?”
#epicfantasy
3)
“Certain reports led me to conclude that our tentacled princess may have, ah, mated with some of her food before she consumed it.”
“Wolf, you are SICK.”
“Lady, you have no true notion of the depths of my sickness.”
#epicfantasy
Read 6 tweets
1)
As the soldiers charge, Wolf calmly triggers one of his rings. Blue-white lightning leaps from it to strike the foremost charging man, then plays all over that armour—ere bolts snap and snarl on to the other armours.
#epicfantasy
2)
Suddenly, the reek of scorched hair wrestles with the smell and sizzle of roasting bacon. One man, at the back, manages an “Aieee” before he falls on his face.
“NO looting,” Wolf snaps, as the King starts for the nearest…
#epicfantasy
3)
…body. “No time.”
The King turns and looks at Wolf, incredulity warring with cold scorn. “Did you just presume to give a command to your KING?”
“Well, wouldn’t THAT be a waste of time? No, Elvar, that was a firm suggestion.”
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
“Ha ha. The PEOPLE.”
“Ah. No, Lord, but then, I’ve never been this high up in this wing before. The Palace is befittingly large.”
“How many staff are supposed to be up there?” the King asks Wolf.
#epicfantasy
2)
“No living quarters, so just duty staff, though no duty roster right now, thanks to the invasion and lack of ready pay, let alone supervision. Duty strength for the floors above us, one shift, is forty-seven.”
#epicfantasy
3)
“Real count? Or Palace Purse strength?”
“Real. I handle Security as well as the Treasury, Sire.”
“I’m aware. As are my coffers. You didn’t think I knew there are two counts, did you?”
#epicfantasy
Read 6 tweets
1)
Then the King breaks off frowning to stare open-mouthed at the roofless passage, the heaped rubble of destruction—and then wildly all around. “Where’s Palonder?”
“On a mission,” Wolf says soothingly.
#epicfantasy
2)
The King frowns. “You’ve lost him, haven’t you? He’s lying dead under all that, isn’t he?”
“No, Elvar, he’s NOT—”
“He is! You ALMOST kill me, would have if not for the SELFLESS protective shielding of this lady courtier…
#epicfantasy
3)
…SACRIFICING herself to save my life, and you DO kill the bright young hope of the r—”
“Elvar, HUSH! We just UNAVOIDABLY made a great deal of noise, and soldiers of realms who’ve invaded us are still EVERYWHERE around us…
#epicfantasy
Read 6 tweets
1)
Palonder nods and sets to work. The King’s stomach promptly growls. Loudly.
“Meals for us all, soonest,” Wolf says briskly, and the King closes his mouth on the demand he was going to make. And then peers all around.
#epicfantasy
2)
“I don’t remember this part of the Palace at ALL,” he says dubiously. “Why is that, Wolf?”
“You’re sober, Elvar. You never staggered in this direction, I recall, until revels were done and dawn was peeking through…
#epicfantasy
3)
…yon windows.”
“Oh, gods spew, MUST you wax poetic?”
“Courtier, Sire, remember?”
“I’m seldom given a chance to forget, these days.”
“That’s because we so attentively attend you.”
“Behold, my royal gratitude shineth.”
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
“Someone’s coming, Lord,” Palonder murmurs.
“Then THIS way,” Wolf hisses, “and ABSOLUTE silence and stillness.” He leads them around a corner, and shoves his glowing hand under his clothing to quell its light.
#epicfantasy
2)
Two men trudge into view from the buttery, carrying a limp body between them. It’s a man whose throat has been slit wide—long enough ago that no blood remains to spray, drip, or ooze out—so his head lolls loosely.
#epicfantasy
3)
It bobs sickeningly at every step of his carriers, staring wide-eyed at nothing, as the two men carry him into the dark passage, around the corner almost to Wolf’s feet, and drop him.
“Here’s far enough,” one of them growls.
#epicfantasy
Read 7 tweets
1)
“I don’t see or hear anyone. Anywhere near. You think they ransacked these chambers for all the food, did a little looting, and moved on?”
“It’s the usual way.”
“Oh? How many invasions have you experienced?”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Sixteen, Elvar, but in your father’s time we did them the other way around: WE invaded other realms. That’s why they all came here, now: to get even.”
“So you looted, pillaged, and plundered?”
#epicfantasy
3)
“At your father’s side. SOMEONE had to carry the royal sword. That’s how I know how heavy it is.”
“My father—?”
“Enjoyed his invasions in person. REALLY enjoyed them. That’s how he met your mother.”
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
1)
“So…what’d you do to the army?”
“Dropped the ceiling on top of them, to keep them from fleeing. Then dropped the floor from under them, so they rode it—as the filling in a floor-ceiling pie—down into Long Tapestry Hall.”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Which has crimson carpeting, so it’ll hide a lot of the blood.”
“Indeed. Much of being a courtier is seeing to the little details. Now let’s get going. Eventually some other invaders will come to investigate all the noise.”
#epicfantasy
3)
“Eventually? Are they all incompetent?”
“Not all. Most, but the shining few consort with prudence more closely and often than I do. Possibly as a survival tactic.”
“Ah. Floor and ceiling already fallen, so can’t shatter THEM.”
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
“Insulting outrages are the best kind, Elvar. They’re giving you the very best.”
“They are?”
“Yes. Now, if you could just select the BEST place for us to sleep…”
“You’re manipulating me!”
#epicfantasy
2)
“At the risk of sounding repetitious: courtier, remember?”
“Yes, but I’m TIRED of you. Bring me new courtiers!”
“Right after we defeat the invaders and restore the kingdom, Your Majesty.”
“So I must wait?”
#epicfantasy
3)
“I fear so.”
“Well, three days? Four? You don’t KNOW?”
“The gods hide things from us all, Sire.”
“Well, get me new gods, then! And leap to it! Don’t stand there gawping at me! Bah, it won’t DO, I tell you!”
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
1)
“Day is almost done,” Wolf observes, “so we’ll either spend the night in this passage, hoping nothing prowls it and no enemy soldiers patrol it, or find somewhere else. Elvar, how about the withdrawing room, on the far side…
#epicfantasy
2)
…of yon door?”
“Was that the one with the purple tapestries?”
“It WAS, yes. It may look different now.”
“Doesn’t matter. Too small, too drafty, too COMMON.”
#epicfantasy
3)
Palonder looks at Chant, then murmurs in her ear, “Has he lost his wits? Or is it temper tantrum time?”
“Oh, no, he’s MUCH noisier when he does those things. Right now, he’s merely being a king. They’re notoriously picky.”
#epicfantasy
Read 4 tweets
1)
“There’s the small matter of the hostile army standing in proverbial serried ranks around it. I’m not sure I’d survive any attempt to extinguish the conflagration. Leaving you without the courtier who does everything for you.”
#epicfantasy
2)
“Hmm. Well, what part of the Palace is in the best shape?”
“I haven’t yet had the opportunity for a proper inspection, but at a cursory glance, the Keep of Storms and Dragongrave Tower LOOK unscathed. And bristling with…
#epicfantasy
3)
…enemy soldiers hanging out washing and emptying chamberpots out the windows and otherwise making themselves at home.”
“Well, THEY won’t do. I’m not sleeping in rooms some hostile outlander has soiled. Not until they’ve been…
#epicfantasy
Read 5 tweets
Ein Update zur Pandemie und #SchwesternDerKlinge!

Eigentlich sollte mein Amazonen-Epos im Herbst diesen Jahres zur Frankfurter Buchmesse @Book_Fair erscheinen. Wegen der aktuellen Situation wird es aber zur Verschiebung kommen. 😢

#DieGötterMüssenSterben #Coming2021

1/6 Foto von kämpfenden griechi...
Persönlich betrifft mich der Virus nicht.

Doch der @KnaurVerlag, wo der Roman erscheint, kann in der Hochkrise nichts mehr rausbringen, weil Buchhandlungen geschlossen haben.

Romane, die in den nächsten Monaten kommen sollten, müssen entsprechend verschoben werden.

2/6
Und damit meine Amazonen nicht in einer Herbstflut von Neuerscheinungen untergehen, verschieben sie sich mit. 💔

DIE SCHLECHTE NACHRICHT: Wahrscheinlich werden die Amazonen dadurch erst 2021 veröffentlicht, hoffentlich zur Leipziger @buchmesse. 👎🏼

3/6
Read 6 tweets

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