a car that's cursed to lock on to the exact speed of your blood flow
a kramer doll with no pupils
a baby goat that sits in a high chair and talks with the voice of peter lorre
a painting of alf doing the circle game hand that kills you if you look at it
a gashapon machine that dispenses little capsules of hospital pudding with whip cream
a metal baby possum that climbs all over you that you can wear as jewelry
an et hand puppet that trims your nails when you put it on
an old time upright radio that's full of tiny skeletons clutching instruments when you open up the back
a big spider in a busted out top hat dealing cards to three kittens in an alley and puffing at a cigar
an old woman in a horse skull mask beating an hotel radiator with a human femur
a jack in the box that plays jolene and can't physically be opened
a sock monkey that makes you blind
a muppet condom
a microwave that has three buttons labeled baked potato and no discernible power source
a taxidermied anteater that walks around upright tending a tiny garden of succulents
a baby with an entire fudge cake recipe as its legal name
a plant that smells like the first funeral you ever went to
a bath toy shaped like dracula that makes insulin
a special you can order at a bar that's just a bowler hat full of shredded cheese
a shake and bake chicken that can only be picked up by virgins
a briefcase full of porcelain deer that turns everything lavender when you hold it
a concrete cube with a duct tape lable that says "gender"
a neoprene glove full of chicken grease with "god" written on it in sharpie that cures cancer
a chrome bust of a pope that never existed that shows up in all your childhood pictures
a dinosaur inflatable you can trade to the devil because it has the exact same worth as a soul
a miniature version of your father trapped in the u bend of your sink
a style of exexution that kills you by putting a baseball hat on your head and knocking the little nub at the top into your skull
a potion made by children out of things beneath your sink that turns you into a witch
a dead cosmonaut on the surface of the moon
a hip flask full of the platonic ideal of halloween
a big friendly bear that lives in an altoids tin
a vhs of the smurfs that keeps mentioning things jfk did after the date of his death
a radioactive pirate flag crammed in pringles tube beneath your dad's bed
a prosthetic arm that taps the gettysburg address out over and over in morse code with one finger
a recording of your birth on a gameboy camera that only plays in reverse
a glass milk bottle full of serotonin that appears on your porch every sunday morning
a cooler full of bottles that each contain a different man's desire to own a dollhouse as a child
a paper doll of thom yorke that can't physically be destroyed
a doctor's bag full of hand written notes describing ever time you wanted to go out but didn't because you were afraid to
a mannequin that grows hair
a comforting children's book about the souls of unbaptized infants turning into raccoons
