Every one of us has to figure out a relationship to our own identity that doesn't lead to us hating ourselves. I'm not sure that conceptualizing that struggle as specifically white and male is all that helpful.
"There are people in this world who think what I am is garbage, and I have to figure out how to live a righteous and happy life anyway" is not a distinctively white-male life crisis. If anything, it's the opposite.
"But what if it's people I love and respect who think I'm garbage? And what if I'm not sure they're wrong?" Honey, welcome to life.
Which is not to say the phenomenon @matthewstoller is articulating isn't real—it absolutely is. And it's not to say that it doesn't play out in specific ways for young white men—it absolutely does. It absolutely does.
I've said before that a problem with the concept of "allyship" is that can be taken to imply that you should outsource the work of figuring out how to lead a just life to someone else. Just go be an ally! Problem solved!
We all have to figure out how to lead a just life—not in isolation, and not in supplication, but through listening and dialogue and shared work. It's an ongoing communal project, and learning how to be a productive part of such a project is part of the struggle.
When you're a certain kind of white guy, it's easy to imagine that that process is easier if you're NOT a white guy. But starting from the opposite premise—that lots of the time it's difficult and fraught and alienating for just about everybody—can be really illuminating.
I should add that by "a certain kind of white guy" I don't mean a bad guy (and I don't mean exclusively white guys, either). This is a stage that a lot of really good people go through when they're wrestling with the questions Matt is asking.
