Several years ago I was groped repeatedly in the back of a cab by a coworker against my will. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. In fact it happened enough times that I convinced myself I must be doing something to cause it. I thought it was my fault.
We were staying at the same hotel and he followed me up to my floor. I didn't want him to know where I was sleeping so I went to a friend's room because it was the only thing I could think of to stay safe. Luckily he decided to leave and go to his own room.
I understand now that none of this was my fault, but I still spent years feeling guilty about it. The guy who groped me is marginally famous and even though I've blocked his name on Twitter, I still see it occasionally and I have to relive that awful night all over again.
When people come forward about sexual assault years (sometimes decades) after the fact and people ask “why now?” it's often because they’ve spent years trying to forget it, or feeling guilty about it. It festers under the skin until you can’t ignore it anymore.
Talking about assault is terrifying. I’m not ready or strong enough to say publicly who groped me, and I might never be. But I hope that in the future when other people muster the strength to talk about who hurt them, you’ll be understanding and respond with kindness.
