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I don't really spend much time on FB anymore apart from glancing to see if I have any messages or tags from friends, but for some reason I felt compelled to scroll through my friends list– and it's interesting to pay attention to my feelings about friends, and how they've changed
for context, there was a time when I had more facebook friends than twitter friends (500-ish), and every single connection felt precious and important, IMO because it felt "scarce". even (especially!) connections that, on retrospect, clearly weren't a good fit for me (or them!)
having interacted with thousands of more people since, I see my old friends much more clearly now. It's much more obvious now who's good for me, and who's not so good for me, & who I'm simply misaligned with. And knowing who the top 10-50 people are (to me) is the precious thing
it's amazing on retrospect how much of my time and energy I gave, neurotically, anxiously, to people who absolutely did not appreciate it
especially when you consider the opportunity cost – that was time *not* spent with people who *did* appreciate it
especially when you consider the opportunity cost – that was time *not* spent with people who *did* appreciate it
there are also, quite clearly, people who kept me around in their life bc they wanted someone to fight with 😂 oh, the bizarre rituals & tacit/subconscious pacts we get into with each other
these r/ships get strange the moment I decide I'm done fighting, sometimes in a good way
these r/ships get strange the moment I decide I'm done fighting, sometimes in a good way
while I don't think I'm *naturally* extroverted, I feel like I've had to talk to thousands people just to *begin* to figure people out in general. how do you know that you know people otherwise? intuition? how do you know your intuition isn't broken, flawed, biased?
