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St Brendan is about to set sail. “You see this Harbour” he said “it’s called Fenit Within”. “Is there a Fenit Without? Asks a monk. “Yes” replied The saint “Without what?” sniggered the monks #Brendan 
“We” said the saint “are setting sail in search of an island “An open boat made of leather stretched across some flimsy timber - wild uncharted ocean probably filled with sea monsters, enormous crashing waves - it will be great fun” #Brendan
Sixteen monks squeeze into a boat “It’s nice and cosy” said the saint “ I just hope we don’t find any whirlpools - God will protect us... oh look, what’s that over there?” “Looks like a whirlpool” #Brendan
“This isn’t a great start” sighted the monks “we have hardly started and already we are in danger of being killed by a whirlpool. “Trust in God” said the saint “What’s that up on top of the mast”. “It looks like the devil” sighed the monks #Brendan
“Story boys?” Says the Devil “Will you give us a glimpse of hell” asks a monk who promptly drops dead of fright. Brendan revives him “let that be a lesson to you” chides the saint. “Lesson learned” replies the monk #Brendan
“Try to ignore the devil sitting atop our mast and start rowing” advises the saint. Soon they are skimming across the waves. Before long they see an island. “That looks like a dead giant girl on the beach” says a monk “lets revive her”. “I’ll give it a go” said the saint #Brendan
“Howya lads” said the giant girl after the saint revives her “Are you a catholic” asks the saint “I don’t know” she replied “Do you want to be one” said the saint “Go on so”she replied #Brendan
“Baptism is an excellent therapy” said Brendan to the girl “except if you are a mermaid in which case it is fatal”. “I am a mermaid” replied the girl. “I think lads” said the saint “ it’s time for us to be going”. #Brendan
The lads leg it back into the boat “where to,boss?” “Straight towards that island over there”. Soon they are at the bottom of a huge cliff. “Ahoy, is there anyone up there”. No answer “What now, boss”. “Prayers of course - two hundred decades of the rosary should do it” #Brendan
20 hours of bobbing around on the ocean and hoarse from praying the monks eventually hear singing. “Shush” said the saint “someone is lowering something on a rope- what is it?” “A tablet - there’s something written in it” #Brendan
“It’s hardly Moses, is it” asks a monk. “Maybe” said the saint “writing on tablets is a familiar biblical trope and is clearly associated with the desert fathers but what’s he doing out here in the North Atlantic?” #Brendan
They read the writing on the tablet “What language is it?” “Irish” “It’s unlikely to be Moses so”. “What’s it say”. The saint reads, his brow furrows. He utters several expressive oaths under his breath “What’s it say, boss?” #Brendan
“I don’t like” said the saint “it says ‘go home lads’. “What are we going to do” ask the monks. “We will go home” says the saint “I hope you are not disappointed””Whirlpools, devils and mermaids” think the monks privately “we are with you boss” #Brendan
They sail back to Fenit Without and all the monks, except the saint, smile at the childish joke. They row into Fenit Within”. They are home “Did you find America” enquire the locals “Not yet” snarls the saint #Brendan
The saints first voyage has ended without success. “We heard you were in-continent” say the local wags. He now regrets boasting about finding lost continents. Being a saint does not fully insulate him against cruel schoolboy jokes #Brendan
Join us here tomorrow night for the next part of St Brendan’s voyage. 9 o’clock. Please retweet
