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Mr. Newberger Profile picture
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Sep 16, 2019 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
@realDonaldTrump You sounds like a Fortune Cookie writer on adderall.
@realDonaldTrump It’s like a lazy transcriber outside a porta potty containing an excercised Lou Dobbs.
@realDonaldTrump This is the word salad they would serve at a Maria Bartiromo chain restaurant called Money Honey’s.
@realDonaldTrump It’s like the ramblings of economist Milton Friedman if he got mad cow’s disease and had to be put down.

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More from @jeremynewberger

Mr. Newberger Profile picture
Feb 19
On Fox News Trudeau, mandating vaccines, is a cruel and vicious dictator, while Putin, who is about to invade a neighboring Democracy, is just protecting his country.
And on Fox News Hillary Clinton is an evil conniving spymaster who destroyed damning emails, despite zero evidence, while Trump, who actually tried flushing shredded classified documents down a WH toilet, and stole the rest in boxes to Mar-a-lago, is somehow a living saint.
And on Fox News the January 6th Insurrection was a riot carried out by ANTIFA, BLM, the Deep State FBI, while the people we see breaking into the Capitol, marching in uniforms in columns, and carrying huge Trump flags and racist signs, they are tourists.
Read 5 tweets
Mr. Newberger Profile picture
Oct 10, 2021
Civil War Letter
Georgia, 10/10/21

My Very Dear Wife:

Indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines, that may fall under your eye, in case I die.
(1)
Our movement to the Walmart parking lot may be of severe conflict and death to me. If I should fall on the battle-field, proving President Trump won in 2020, because of Chinese thermostats changing the votes, I've no misgivings about the cause in which I am engaged. (2)
I know how strongly America leans upon the triumph of MAGA, and how great a debt we owe to those who audited and the MyPillow guy, and I'm perfectly willing to lay down my joys in this life to help maintain Trump’s rule, Melania’s comfort, and pay off his real estate debts. (3)
Read 7 tweets
Mr. Newberger Profile picture
Jun 15, 2021
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Next I'm going to a wax museum to learn why I shouldn't eat the candles on top of the cake. They are not candy y'all.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Then I'm gonna go to the Van Gogh Museum cause I parked my mini-van this AM and we can't find it anywhere.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Next week I'm visiting the American Museum of Natural History. We have all been reading too much unnatural history y'all. We need to get healthier history. Without all the toxins.
Read 6 tweets
Mr. Newberger Profile picture
Jun 6, 2021
SEAN SPICER: The former President did not pee or poo himself last night. His pants were stylishly wrinkled and his lower gut is not a fupa. He looked dry, handsome, and stylish. PERIOD!
MARK MEADOWS: We are strongly investigating a credible plot, by Italy, to give President Trump a pair of pants with the front in the back and the back in the front, as a way to thwart his chances of reelection. Fashion terrorism. We believe we have key evidence.
KAYLEIGH MCENANY: If you notice, the media will photograph the Bidens out on their bicycles, but President Trump models new and exciting pants, that retain rain water, which is good for the environment, the left pretends to care so much about, and they immediately go negative.
Read 12 tweets
Mr. Newberger Profile picture
Jun 5, 2021
I’m at a...... mall.
Forever 21 has a busted air conditioner and my daughter has about 8 items to try on. I am like one of those suffocating Mars people in Total Recall when the oxygen gets turned off.
Hollister has a deal, buy one way overpriced item, get one item for slightly less than that. Oh joy.
Read 4 tweets
Mr. Newberger Profile picture
Mar 4, 2021
And now an MTG musical number.
MARJORIE:
They think that a gal, who thinks differently,
Can’t get things done, but I’m insistent see.
Tho, I may not sit on any committee.
I’m still allowed in, I've got an ID,
So QAnon gals, like me on TV,
Get tons of attention, and all for free!
CHORUS:
Let’s all go and adjourn,
Nancy’s buns start to burn.
Obstruct and annoy,
Gum the works, boy oh boy!
How much time on Fox News can I earn?
MARJORIE:
To think I used to be an activist,
Chasing school shooting victims, how they were pissed.
And all the big tragedies I dismissed,
Lasers fired by Galactic Globalists.
I’m an elected insurrectionist,
And my support in the House is polyamorous.
Read 7 tweets

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