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, 5 tweets, 2 min read
Superman dog costume with Clark Kent glasses. Not buying but the devil is tempting me.
Petco really trying to take more of my money today
Me, every day for the last 4 months: Okay Kal-El has enough stuff no need to stop at the pet store

Five minutes later: in checkout line at PetSmart/Petco
I didn’t buy any toys or costumes today but I did buy treats. Cause I’m weak. But look at this face:
They actually have a kryptonite dog toy. The lethality to a dog named Kal-El...
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More from @owillis see all

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Oliver Willis
@owillis
the shit we're going to learn in 15 years about what is happening right now will make toenails curl.

"So then Trump is just running through the hallways of the East Wing absolutely naked and high as fuck. Kellyanne and Hogan try to tackle him and he just jams his finger..."
"... and then he orders 1,000 cheese sandwiches. Mulvaney's standing there in the White House kitchen, literally measuring every goddamn sandwich because what Trump said..."
"And we're begging Boris Johnson to keep the missle launch on the down low. Trump's screaming under the sheets that he's going to obliterate France and his eyes are just rolling the fuck back in his head..."
Read 5 tweets
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Oliver Willis
@owillis
Paul Cell, head of the International Association of Chiefs of Police, calls on audience to clap for Trump's *playlist* as he introduces him at the IACP conference...
Trump implies that President Obama didn't want to kill al-Baghdadi (false) and uses a "sir" story (usually a sign that he's lying) to tell the audience that he prioritized killing the ISIS leader. (Trump's Syria pullout jeopardized the operation)
Trump attacks Chicago Superintendent of Police Eddie Johnson for boycotting his speech at the event. Says he's not doing his job, then goes into a lurid description of Chicago's crime problems. Attacking Chicago has often been a proxy for Republicans attacking black communities.
Read 5 tweets
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Oliver Willis
@owillis
"Thanks for having me back on Fox & Friends. Once again the fake news is lying to the American people. Everybody knows that boos are how you show love and affection. President Trump was booed at the World Series because America LOVES AND CHERISHES AND RESPECTS THIS PRESIDENT"
"For the next hour we'll be talking about just how Antifa infiltrated the World Series and piped in all those really fake sounding boos against dear leader."

"Also, a kitty cat that salutes the flag every morning. You're watching Fox & Friends."
"When you think about it folks, isn't baseball really the most anti-American sport? They would have to be to boo Trump at the World Series like this. I suspect that the crowd was directed to boo by Adam Schiff to cover up Biden's sweetheart deals and Hillary's murders"
Read 5 tweets

Related threads

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Safdar Alam
@SafdarAlam
THREAD

Interbank money markets – the trading of money vs the trading of real goods

And how it links with Islamic banking
This market is the lifeblood of any major bank. When Lehmanns collapsed, it was the fact that this market closed itself to them that was the final straw. It literally made them insolvent in a matter of hours.
Also, one of my first roles in banking was a dealer in the interbank markets at UBS – it was hard work, but fun. The most interesting transaction I recall was when I saw a large inflow of over £400mn and discovered that was the bonus pool to be paid out to staff the next day.
Read 45 tweets
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Bahare (바허레)💜💜
@taekook_lives
"Chim this is my last year. At this point, I don't even think I want to keep it. I can't." He says.
"Why don't you just go home for now and try to breathe. We'll talk about it when I get there okay?" Jimin asks. Tae gulps.
"Bogum said he still loves me the other day."
"Tae... this is not the time to think of these things."
"He wanted a second chance. I'm almost sure that it's his so maybe I should..."
"You're married." Jimin reminds him.
"It's an open and almost fake one. We're legally married but we already said we can see other people."
"Do you really think this is the time for you to decide something like this?" Jimin almost sounds mad at him. Tae sighs.
"I know it's not."
"Then just take today off, go home and don't rush into things. I'll come to you when my lessons are over." Jimin says.
Read 1136 tweets
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Bahare (바허레)💜💜
@taekook_lives
Taekook AU.

Jeongguk knew it'd be a bad trip to Las Vegas when he heard that Taehyung guy was coming too. He only came because Yoongi said he'd set his iron man figure on fire if he wouldn't. But waking up next to the same Tae with a ring in his finger WASN'T PART OF THE PLAN!
-Jeon Jeongguk
-23 years old
-A broke uni student
-Not so good at his lessons
-Except for the dance club
-Might be because of all the stupid parties Yoongi and Jin drags him to
- He might suck at asking people out but he gets a lot of actions anyway
-Kim Taehyung
-24 years old
-He's friendly with almost everyone at Uni
-But only a few people know about his private life
-His parents are actors
-He's a natural flirt and gets on with whoever he wants
-Almost everyone at Uni hit on him
-Photography Department student
Read 1183 tweets
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'ㅅ' semi-hiatus
@cutestmochi_bbh
Baekhyun's sex toy package accidentally gets delivered to his next door neighbor.

Chanyeol is too happy to deliver it to the boy himself, with a free first use as a gift.
To say that Baekhyun was shocked would be a huge understatement.

Here in front of his door stood his neighbor, the same man he had been fantasizing over for /months/.

Everything was good until there.
But when he saw what the man was holding, all his hopes crushed at once.

Mr. Park slowly shook the opened package in his hands, the glittery pink toy Baekhyun ordered last week peeking between the protective foam inside.
Read 239 tweets
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CutestPixieyoueversaw
@AnyOtherName90
Lazy night bkdk.

Bakugou Katsuki is an alpha, a prime alpha. The type of alpha who only needs to lift his lips into a lazy half formed snarl before omegas, betas, and weaker alphas are bowing down heads tilted in submission. It's not a question. It's a fact of life. He's better.
Top dog. Top picks.

Imagine his surprise and confusion when a green haired omega, messy haired, big doe eyes, and a splatter of freckles growls at him in the cafeteria. Growls at him, a god damn king as if he was nothing more than a misbehaving annoyance.

Over a slice of cake.
His inner wolf doesn't know what to do. Is frozen like a mouse caught in the eyes of a watching cat. One wrong move is enough to spell death.

If this was anyone else, the damn beta Monoma or even the stubborn omega Ochako (who let's be real he let get away with too much shit)-
Read 94 tweets
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Jon
@ormondroyd
Okay, here is a special bookmark-and-keep thread which Fulham fans can use to politely explain reality to other teams' fans when they chortle "neutral end huh huh huh".
Firstly, remember that for most of them, their ground is probably in a relatively accessible bit of space, either in a field next to a Barratt estate, or in an urban wasteland between their town's council offices and red light district.
This, on the other hand, is Craven Cottage. Beautiful of course. And, unfortunately sandwiched inconveniently between a park, a river, and some apartments. This, of course, leaves only Stevenage Road for all the turnstiles.
Read 18 tweets

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