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Josh Weed Profile picture
@The_Weed
Nov 16, 2019 • 11 tweets • 4 min read • Read on X
Don’t get it twisted. (Thread.) Image
I sometimes hear people remark that the recent cultural emphasis on “self-care” is actually just selfishness.

I couldn’t disagree more.
Selfishness is giving into every demand on your time by others.

Self-care is knowing you have limits, and knowing how to set them.
(4) Selfishness is needing to be seen as a “hard worker” in order to feel good.

Self-care is feeling good while relishing work or rest or play because these activities are properly prioritized and you aren’t exhausted.
(5) Selfishness is feeling like a martyr after depleting all of your energy in the service of others while never taking your own needs into account.

Self-care is feeling cleansed, refreshed and well rested by saying “no” so that being in service ofothers is edifying.
(6) Selfishness is Martha.

Self-care is Mary M.
(7) Selfishness is allowing your energy to by siphoned by labor you should be refusing while your heart fills with resentment.
(8) Self-care is saying “I can’t” “I decline” or “I don’t have the ability to help you with that” to excess responsibility (even though people might judge you or call you selfish!) so you can work, serve, play and rest, and be filled with joy throughout.
(9) Practice self care and your life will flourish. 💐 Get lost in selfish, worth-seeking, co-dependent, non-boundaried labor and you will lose your connection to yourself and your connection to God. 💀
(10) And then you will resent those around you for not taking better care of you, even though you have only ever shown them that you don’t believe you are worth taking care of!
(11) #selfcare #selfcaresaturday #selfcarethread #selfcareisnotselfish #mentalhealth #MentalHealthMatters #therapy #therapist #takecareofyourself #sayno #boundaries #joy #happiness

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More from @The_Weed

Josh Weed Profile picture
Nov 5, 2023
One of the more surprising things I’ve learned in my years as a marriage and family therapist is that pets are more than just “man’s best friend”—most families see them as *actual* members of the family system.

The thing that finally made me see it clearly was grief.
(1)
Time after time I’d be bopping along helping a family (or individual) with transitions or communication or whatever else, and a pet would pass and the work STOPPED. Like, full halt, unable to move forward, capital T trauma kind of stop.

The grief was too REAL. (2)
I’m not sure why this took me by surprise, but it did a bit. I think I was like most people—we know folks love their animals, and that animals are shown to improve quality of life.

But when pet-grief started to cause major depression episodes, (3)
Read 23 tweets
Josh Weed Profile picture
Jul 19, 2023
Something I learned after my mom died to soon (of early onset alzheimer’s):

When it comes to getting footage of your family on video as a parent, it’s *way* more important to record YOURSELF than to record your kids.

Here’s why:

(/1)
I have tons of footage of me and my siblings growing up—hours of concerts, assemblies, sports and Christmas mornings. And while that’s nice, I would absolutely kill for just one video of my mom that lasts more than 3 seconds and doesn’t involve her shooing the camera away. (/2)
I know she wasn’t being withholding or vain—she likely just never even thought about it, and I also suspect that somewhere deep down she didn’t view herself as important or significant enough to be on camera. And that thought really haunts me. It rips me up. (/3)
Read 13 tweets
Josh Weed Profile picture
Nov 1, 2022
One helpful thing I realized about #ADHD time-blindness/inaccurate time estimates is, yes, of course this means that we often WAY overestimate all the things we can get in during the “15 minutes before the meeting” time slot. BUT it actually goes the other way too! /1
In other words, when I have two hours ahead of me, I actually have little to no idea what *that* time slot means either, and for some reason I tend to UNDERestimate how much time that actually is!

This is very helpful to recognize because /2
the way we are socialized to interact with time seems to focus on the million instances of the“15 minute” time slot—where we’re hyper-focused and rushing to get things done—where time feels like a limited resource.

When my brain uses that same perception mechanism on large /3
Read 12 tweets
Josh Weed Profile picture
Sep 22, 2022
Today I want to tell you the story of when I was coming home from my two-year Mormon mission in Venezuela and instead got detained in the country for a month. It was SO WEIRD in so many ways and I still don’t even know how to categorize it all. /1
It was January of 2002. When 9/11 happened not long before, most people there seemed very sympathetic to Americans, but by this point Chavez-based politics had created a distinct Anti-US vibe in the state (that has ended up lasting for many years) and a mistrust of gringos. /2
There were 8 of us going home. We were all pretty excited, of course. Two years is a long time, especially when you have only spoken to your families on Mothers Day and Christmas (WHY WERE MORMON MISSIONS SO DAMN STRICT???)

We were taken to the airport, passports in hand. /3
Read 108 tweets
Josh Weed Profile picture
Sep 11, 2022
I have been getting a surprising amount of feedback from neurotypical folks saying their ADHD loved ones are angry and depressed BECAUSE they read my threads about #ADHDtrauma. These NT folks are upset and demand I tell them how to fix the loved one that I “made depressed.” /1
Hopefully most of you can see the obvious—my threads didn’t *make* these ND people depressed. They provided *language* that allows them to express the anger and depression they have felt all along. They provide a re-contextualization of early life events that /2
helps these folks see that the ableist message of “you are miserable because you are lazy/dumb/defiant/bad” is wildly inaccurate. That it was actually never their fault. That their trauma is real because their “disorder” is a literal, real thing /3
Read 13 tweets
Josh Weed Profile picture
Sep 6, 2022
The following is a MAJOR misconception parents/adults have about kids with #ADHD

Adult: I know this kid really well, and you’re wrong about them. It’s not just that ADHD won’t let them do what they’re asked. That’s just an excuse. They’re actually *choosing* not to.

Me: Oh?/1
Me: How do you figure?

Adult: *laughs* well you should see them when it’s something they wanna do. If *they* want something, they’ll bend over backwards. They’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen with so much motivation! They work harder than anyone I know. But /2
Adult (continued): the second it’s something *I* ask them to do, suddenly they “have ADHD” and it’s “too hard” and they “can’t focus” and they “forget.” Don’t you think that’s real convenient!? The second it’s hard suddenly they “can’t.” It’s manipulation, that’s what it is. /3
Read 13 tweets

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