Thread by @iowahawkblog

Back when I was a Sioux City Crooner, before I was kicked out for my sasparilla addiction #tbt

the whole sordid story of the Sioux City Crooners and our harmonic debauchery is in my forthcoming tell-all, "On The Malt Shop Floor"

I'd post some juicy excerpts, but I worry that they'd be too hot for Twitter

OK since you insist.

"It was sometime in March 1947 when I wandered into Gunderson's Accordions & More on 5th Street to buy some experimental reeds for my clarinet. I was searching for a new sound, a hopped-up whizbang beat that would set hepcat toes a-tapping."

"As I was perusing the reeds, suddenly I heard a muffled 2 part harmony coming from a practice room.

'Say Pops, who's warbling those crazy tones?' I asked old man Gunderson.

'Oh, those are the Bobs. Bob Roberts and Rob 'Bob' Bobberson,' he replied."

"Bob and Rob 'Bob' were sophs at East High, and I had seen those cats before at the Saint Luke's Lutheran Teen Barbershop Jamboree in '46, when Bob was was with the Neat-Os and Rob Bob in the Cadetmanaires. Good enough, I suppose, but now their harmony had a primal savagery."

"Mesmerized, I dropped my clarinet and wandered back to their practice room and walked in while they were hitting the bridge on 'Poinciana.' I don't know what came over me, but I let loose by adding a sizzling soprano to their sonic voodoo."

"We sat in stunned silence for a moment, because we knew we had just stumbled on a new sound that would revolutionize the smooth listening vocal world.

'Gosh, that sure was swell!' said the Bobs, in harmony."

"But there was still something missing - a smooth baritone to lay down a solid bottom for our wild yet smooth 3-part top end. Luckily the two Bobs knew just the guy, a Central High junior named Bobby Roberton."

"Soon Bob, Rob-Bob, Bobby and I were rehearsing every day after school at the accordion shop for the big All-City Prep Talent Parade '47 at Sioux City Auditorium. For a name, we tried 'The Smoothmen' and '3 Bobs & a Dave' before hitting on the Sioux City Crooners."

"We all had butterflies, but when we hit the auditorium stage in our matching cummerbunds and lit into 'A Gal in Calico' it would prove to be a veritable earthquake that would shake the safe quasi-jazz-like vocal world to its very core."

"By the time we finished our last number, "Gee the Prom Was Keen," the crowd roared and the stage was littered with the white tea gloves of appreciative co-eds. As we went to the wings we were approach by a large man waving a contract. It was Ernie Swanson of Sioux Records."

"'Boys, that was sensational,' said Swanson. 'You've got a something that I've been looking for for years - white boys, with an even whiter sound.'"

CHAPTER 2: CROONERMANIA

After recording our debut 78 "Golly Won't You Wear My Class Sweater" at Sioux-Tone in summer of '47, it was time to hit the road for a 30-city malt shop tour that would take us from Sioux City to Okoboji, Omaha, and everywhere in between.

My longtime steady Norma Blandwhite begged me not to go, as she worried that I might develop a "wandering eye" and end up getting my first kiss from a crinoline floozy along Okoboji's notorious soda shop row.

But the Sioux City Crooners had a bigger concern: our baritone Bobby Roberton had enlisted in the Maytag Repairman Force, so we had to find a replacement- and pronto. Luckily we were able to sign up Bob Bobarton from 5 Swanky Bobs as a replacement.

As we loaded into the tour bus, I gave Norma my class pin and we each vowed to keep our lip virginity intact until I returned. Then, we could pick out our pre-promise rings without guilt.

That was the plan anyway, but nothing prepares you for the loneliness of life on the road as a malt shop crooner. It started innocently enough, sometimes a little after-show Coke or a strawberry Nehi as a pick-me-up.

Before long I was on the hard stuff. Chicago-grade sarsaparilla. Malteds. Rainbow floats.

One night in Denison I was on a 3-day fudge sundae bender when a dame walked up in saddle shoes and dungarees.

"Hey handsome," she said, batting her lashes. "Buy a gal a banana split?"

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