part of my style on here is posting about my life i guess so heres some notes and thoughts on being whatever archetype i am and getting married if anyone cares.
over the last year i underestimated the extent to which stepping up as a man would change the dynamic of my relationship. people really naturally fall into male female roles in a good way. this is obvious to most of us but i still underestimated it.
theres lots of talk about “male status” and the inter male hierarchy on here which is valid but also if you are with a girl and you need money and you go get some “low ranking” “shit” job (a designation id disagree with) and start bringing the money in, the woman responds to it.
i guess, again, thats obvious but i underestimated the extent to which id be leaning into and enjoying the male role. conversely one of the main things i like about my fiancée is the way in which she is a woman and how she embodies the female side of things. something to look for
theres all those memes where its just an ikea chair in an empty room + its like “guys live like this and see no problem with it”. well yeah, the trick is that your woman is supposed to filling your house with cute nice stuff while youre at work. i guess no one told me that either
also in terms of worldview changing + worldview sync up i think my fiancée does a really good job of being the woman in the relationship. she isnt a doormat that just accepts whatever i think as true but she also follows my lead on things like politics and theology which is cool
i think a big part of that is me also deferring to her in more classically female domains like discussing emotional issues and things like that. imo there is sort of an over correction in the “male philosophy” sphere. [...]
theres some reality to claiming that men naturally can learn something from women in terms of emotions and dealing with them in a couple or internally. of course in mainstream world this is way overhyped and bleeds into pressured feminization for men but it has a real element imo
i guess thats more relationship advice than marriage planning stuff. in terms of the wedding i faced a problem that many of you will most likely face in terms of if the wedding is “for us” and we should do what we want vs if the wedding is for everyone else and we cater to them
this was just super exacerbated by my own break with my past where basically everyone from my past only knows who i used to be and i feel very estranged from them but i also wouldnt want to not invite them and have my wedding be a cord cutting ceremony offending all these people.
my solution for this was having two wedding and telling everyone the first one (this one) was just a quick thing for legal reasons and that the “real wedding” would be next year. this isnt really a lie, more of a specific way of framing the situation.
i didnt intentionally do this but it helped: we are also having it at an inconvenient time (right before christmas) at a location far from where im from (fiancées turf) so, it was more polite for me not to expect all these people from my past to drop a ton of cash coming here.
i think both sides have some truth to them, the wedding isnt “just for you” so you should just cater only to yourselves, but it’s not just for everyone else to the detriment of how you’d like it to be. we talked a lot about this and that was the call we made. been rad so far.
yeah well thats the other thing, we are doing this one “straight DIY”. this was another point of contention because my fiancée wanted a very atypical intimate thing but i thought inviting my whole past cast would make it more of a “big wedding”.
i guess thats the other interest i psychological part of it all, there’s obviously a huge contrast between her having all these people from her past that are super loving and she has this strong bond with them whereas i, didn’t really invite that many people at all.
sure a lot of guys on here will have this when they get married but i was like... damn i havent seen this guy in a really long time and he has no idea what my vibe is now, am i really going to... ask him to be part of my wedding? cant tell. have to make this call for the next one
theres only a handful of people in my life that “know me” in any real sense. used to have a huge circle of friends but, developing morals, politics, stopped doing drugs and drinking, becoming christian, being a conspiracy theorist, with a lot of them they just dont know me at all
ive posted about all that a ton on here. honestly it feels good, its more like ive shed all that weight than it being a burden but, like i said conversely i barely invited anyone. i have a friend that lives near the wedding but his life is growing weed (legally) (actually)... lol
i dont even really know what im gonna do for the other wedding when she has these bridesmaids. i have some friends from back in the day but its weird like, this one guy, i never talk to him and havent seen him for years but he called me when his dad died... interesting.
these are my unorganized thoughts about this whole process. honestly its interesting because with her people who are all more “spiritually inclined” (we clown on that on here but at least it means they have some level of, awareness and intimacy, as opposed to the opposite) [...]
i can be totally open and honest about my life but then with all the people on my side its more awkward...? who knows why. im probably somewhat traumatized after having so many people sever relationships with me over nothing so, i kind of just keep my vibe low key sometimes now.
so yeah. kind of cliche but i think the whole process has actualized a lot of stuff for me and made me become more of a man which was unexpected. kind of like all these forces and impressions were dormant and this process has brought them out or cemented them.
which, again, i didnt really expect. fiancée has been leaning on me for certain things more, as i also lean on her for certain things. kind of just stepping up in general. for symbolic reasons ive been wearing a tie and dressing super sharp all week. interesting times for sure.
