Thread by @gremisch

Do you like underdogs?
Do you like weird, early iterations of republicanism?
Do you like royally sticking it to the nobility?

Of course you do. So gather around and let me tell you about the tiny medieval republic of Dithmarschen. /thread

While most medieval republics roughly followed the plutocratic merchant republic blueprint of Venice, Genoa etc, Dithmarschen - situated between Stade and Holstein in the northern HRE - was a peasant republic lead by representatives of the biggest peasant families.

This kind of administration kind of happened to them because - to put it mildly - they did NOT like being ruled. Originally they belonged to the counts of Stade who lost interest after "death by Dithmarschen" became one of the leading causes of death in their family.

Afterwards it fell to the Bishop of Holstein who never really got a grip over the hardy Dithmarschers. Holstein however fell to the Crown of Denmark in the mid 15th century and the King of a veritable European superpower of the time couldn't accept this insubordination.

So in 1500 Johann I. - King of Denmark, Sweden and Norway, Duke of Holstein, demanded the abolishment of the peasant republic, the acceptance of a permanent military presence and monetary reparations from Dithmarschen.

Their answer was basically "f*ck you."

So the Kalmar Union went to war. Johann I assembled an army of Holstein knights, Infantry from all over Scandinavia and 4000 Landsknechts of the feared "Schwarze Garde" - Black Guard - a Landsknecht regiment that was feared for its discipline and cruelty. Altogether 12.000 strong

Very cocksure he lead the army himself, brought masses of Scandinavian nobility and even the sacred Dannebrog - the war banner of Denmark.

Meanwhile Dithmarschen assembled about 6000 poorly equipped militia men and one cannon.

They did however know the swampy terrain, often only kept dryish by dams and as opposed to their enemies they thoroughly prepared for what was coming at them.

They built earthen fortifications along the only road the Danes could take and flooded both sides of it.

The Danes felt more or less invincible so the suboptimal terrain didn't bother them much and they formed a km long train along the road to Hemmingstedt.

Once they saw the tiny Dithmarscher Army on their defensive positions, the Black Guard on vanguard stormed in.

They even used a personalised battlecry: „Wahr Di, Buer, de Gaar de kummt“ - "Beware, peasant, the Guard is coming."

But things didn't go as they thought. it was muddy and snowy, the surroundings were flooded, their heavy armor was massively impairing their movement.

The unarmored Ditmarschers moved easily and used their pikes as poles for jumping over the flooded parts. The famed Black Guard didn't gain an inch and created a concerning "traffic jam" since the rest of the gigantic army was arriving behind them and had no room to position.

The already strained Guard fully broke when their Commander was killed by the Dithmarschers. In a panic they tried to flee in the only direction possible - backwards right into the rest of the army.

The Danish cavalry tried to push them back by force but only created more panic

Meanwhile the Dithmarschers pushed their charge and simply jumped over the fallen and the mud, killed the Danish horses with their pikes, utterly decimated the Danish army and even captured the sacred Dannebrog banner.

To add insult to injury the Dithmarschers now shouted „Wahr di, Garr, de Bur de kumt“ in their broad, northern German dialect - "Watch out, Guardsman, the peasants come for you."

Especially the deathtoll among the Scandinavian nobles was extremely high.

And while the Dithmarschers quickly buried the fallen commoners of the enemy army, in their utter contempt for nobility, they left the nobles to rot in the fields.

So there you have it - the story of the Battle of Hemmingstedt or: "Why you don't mess with Dithmarschen".