#BusStopWanker #Diaries Sometimes even a disabled bus pass isn’t enough to get around. Woke up this morning at 6am crying, fell asleep & woke up with a massive cry fest hangover. Couldn’t wake up for the headache. The Hubster has had to take me to triage appt 4 dental surgery /1 
One of the ways of coping with days like this where I have to face the world whilst my insides and face are in a state is a shit ton of make-up. Unfortunately in my haste I’ve left it. So had to make do with a brush & hat /2
The current dip in mood & anxiety levels are caused by the impact of stress caused by my own experiences of discrimination as an #LXP, but mainly the levels of energy & effort it takes to address it. It involves me skilling up support staff on LXPs ie. union/equality staff /3
I think it’s important to document this stuff, even via Twitter. If I lose the will to fight the discrimination, am not successful or health gets so bad I can’t do it any more, I need to ensure that other #LXPs know they are not alone in this & what is involved to address it /4
Most ppl don’t realise how stress can impact mobility. Although it’s so much worse atm after seizure & loss of car, I’m scared to contact PIP to apply for mobility in case I lose the little I have. It takes at least 6m to appeal decisions /5
I’m also about to go onto half pay as I’ve been off for 6m, for what is essentially a work based injury. I’ve been cleared as well enough for work but not for the role that has impacted so badly on my health. It means I am stuck /6
The Hubster is working from home and had to call his new boss to request time off to drive me to the triage appointment thanks to me not being able to face the bus. Not a great start for him. He’s a civil servant & inundated thanks to Coronavirus. This impacts on my family too /7
I sat in the waiting room for the triage appointment and just sobbed. I really struggle with dental appointments and even brushing teeth atm, it’s triggering trauma. I had been sick whilst brushing my teeth. The problems are caused by tooth grinding, from work based stress /8
I’m having one of my famous coffees to relax 😂. But I have to go home and tackle more disability discrimination form writing, stress at work complaint and grievance forms. I keep having to stop to cry. Can’t bear it /10
Ppl keep asking why I’m putting myself through this. It’s because in the back of my mind I see the people who’ve been hospitalised or relapsed but too scared to pursue it. Too ill or broken. If no one does it, nothing will change /11
In some ways I have privilege many with chronic MH conditions don’t. That MSc I did helped me better understand organisational systems and the gave me the confidence and language with which to express them. Equality training has helped me understand invisible discrimination /12
Because of this privilege - an access to knowledge that so many don’t have, I feel responsible. I feel like I have to do something while I can do it. It’s incredibly painful and difficult but existing supports mean atm I can just about manage /13
Some caring texts, a coffee and just writing about this to get it out of my system and into the wider consciousness, I feel like I can go back to being a #BusStopWanker again and make use of that disabled bus pass 🙄. I fucking miss my car /14
For anyone reading this who is responsible for developing #LXP roles in your organisation, please take this seriously and employ an experienced #LXP consultant to help you develop this. The work @melanieanneball has done at @CNWLNHS is a great example of this /15... *Ends*
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