Thread by @JessalynSmall

Here are my takes on Netflix's new show, #LoveOnTheSpectrum, as an #ActuallyAutistic viewer.

A thread... 1/?

#autismacceptance #neurodiversesquad #Neurodiversity #AllAutistics

1st episode: I really like how they talk about how the ratio of boys to girls with autism is shrinking down from that often cited ratio of 4:1. They mention how this is due to our increased understanding of different presentations of autism, so A++ there!

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I also love that they touch on how empathetic autistic people can be! It is often our superpower, & we can become amazing at things like reading facial expressions & body language, even better than a typical person in some cases, due to our ability to observe/study behavior.

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I see that there is at least some representation at this point of the LGBTQ+ community, which is good. But it would also be nice to see more representation of the many trans/NB autistic people I see in our community. I'm only halfway through the 1st episode tho, so we'll see

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LOVE that they talk about how girls can be diagnosed late! This is also true for afab people, LGBT+ people, BIPOC, and people from low income or medically underserved areas.

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They are really touching on so many things that are really relevant to understanding the autistic experience: collections, special interests, bullying, sexuality, education, sensory processing, auditory processing, speech, friendship, disability.

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Best of all it's from the perspective of the autistic people themselves. This shouldn't feel so revolutionary, but it is not usual to see autistic perspectives presented so directly. I'm not really seeing much infantilising or anything like I see in some other similar shows.

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So far the perspectives of the parents & family in the show have been given minimal emphasis, & been only marginally inspo-porn-esque/ableist. I haven't seen anything damning to be sure, which is honestly a win. The parents so far do seem genuinely supportive & loving.

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That's all for now! I'll update this thread if I think of anything else, and either update this thread or maybe start a new one when I watch episode 2! Please let me know your own thoughts on this show!

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Episode 2: This show is far from perfect. There are many moments where I see the parents maybe being slightly overbearing or things that I might prefer to be stated differently. There is room to grow, to be sure. But really overall, there is so much I love about this show.

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One thing in particular I love about #LoveOnTheSpectrum are the depictions of #AutisticJoy. There are so many moments where we just get to see #ActuallyAutistic people just living & being happy & this is something so rarely depicted on television. It's not all struggle.

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But at the same time, it doesn't beat around the bush about the ways communication difficulties can really truly make dating (& life in general) hard, even when dating other neurodivergent people. This is a real experience I have all the time.

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But just because it is more difficult, doesn't mean it's impossible, & I appreciate that this show, unlike some I've seen in the past, doesn't paint autistic people as hopeless cases to pity. It just shows that there can be an added barrier to something like dating.

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But this show doesn't make this barrier seem insurmountable, or even very extraordinary. Everyone has different barriers to overcome. This is just one that we haven't paid much attention to in nonfiction entertainment in the past. I'm so happy for the representation.

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Some improvements to this show would be the inclusion of more POC & LGBTQIA+ folks. But I do appreciate that it did a decent job of showing how different the personalities -- the likes & dislikes etc -- of autistic people really are, & the vast, web-like spectrum we occupy.

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I admire the emphasis on humanizing autistic people w/out it feeling as if we are under a microscope. The show emphasizes the normality of the autistic need for things like love, sex, affection, companionship, independence, & acceptance, which are, obvi, basic human needs.

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But when we don't see autistic relationships depicted in an authentic way in media, people aren't socialized to view autistic relationships as normal relationships, & this is a problem, so I feel like shows like this, which genuinely try to be unproblematic, are a step in..

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..the right direction. How do you do even better? More autistic input, both in front of & behind the lens & at every step of the production process. Same goes for casting & production in movied/TV (& publishing!) that feature autistic characters & their stories #ownvoices

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Episodes 3: I don't have any by additional insights after episode 3.
As for episode 4:

I really relate to things the show touches on like occasionally wishing you were "normal", or worrying more about whether someone likes you than you worry about if you even like them.

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You can have self doubt & lack confidence & self esteem & still be a great autistic self advocate & an advocate for the community as a whole. No matter how far any of us have come in self acceptance, we all still struggle on our worst days.

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Whether we doubt our abilities, or our worth, or our validity as autistics, we are all individually fighting to radically accept ourselves in a world that has tried to teach us that we are not enough. It's ok to admit how hard that is sometimes.

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But that's not all our lives as autistic people are. We also lead lives full of excitement & happiness & love, & I think this show balances how it depicts the delight & the difficulty we experience well. However, it could feature more autistics who don't live at home.

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While many autistics, especially in their 20s (& many neurotypical people in their 20s as well) do depend on their parents for some form of support, be it housing, financial support, or support with other aspects of their lives, there are certainly those of us who don't.

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This may seem somewhat off topic, but there is a huge overlap of autistic women who also have EDS (myself included) & I only found out I might have it originally from talking to other autistic women online, which eventually lead to my official diagnosis of EDS in my 20s.

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I wonder if Olivia from #LoveOnTheSpectrum has heard of or looked into EDS? A couple things she said caught my attention: she said she often chokes on her food & doesn't know why, & her jaw clicked painfully later. Each of these could be surreptitious symptoms of EDS.

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Episode 5: I've heard this echoed by other autistic people who've been talking about the show, but a lot of the dating advice they are giving to the autistic people might be ok if they were dating a neurotypical person, but isn't very helpful when they are dating another ND

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For instance, they were discussing how sometimes what we say is not what we really mean. & I think it's true that most of us, whether NT or ND, have more or less "let someone down easy", even if just giving a false excuse for cancelling plans. But that being said...

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When an autistic person says, "I'm not gonna be able to see you for a long time," there's a good chance they don't actually mean "I don't want to see you ever". If we say "I'm going thru a difficult personal situation atm" there's a good chance that's the truth.

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So I wasn't super happy with the way people in the show seemed to be instructing autistic people to not take other people's words at face value. As an autistic, if someone tried to read between the lines of what I say, I would feel really frustrated.

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It's hard enough to get people to understand what I mean w/out them making assumptions about my motivations. One of the biggest problems when NTs & NDs try to communicate is that NTs seem to think we have meaning behind our words or actions that just isn't there.

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When you think we are being dramatic, selfish, lazy, etc, or maybe even sneaky, rude, untruthful, etc, we are likely actually reacting to the way we experience the world, & we are doing our best to communicate, so the least you can do is take us at our word.

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Instead of making assumptions about us based on how you understand neurotypicals, ask us questions to clarify if you think we mean something different from what we say. Give us a chance to be understood instead of jumping to conclusions or projecting motive onto us.

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Can't get enough of the couples on this show that are already in relationships. I have been with my fiance for 12 years and while he is not autistic, it probably would be inaccurate to call him neurotypical. So it's beautiful to see other ND couples represented.

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The couples show us how much confidence & security being in a relationship can provide for some autistics. Having someone to listen, love & support, & understand me is essential, for myself. Not all autistics want relationships, but I think it's safe to say most do.

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We all need companionship in some capacity. Our relationships don't always look like NT relationships. Sometimes some of our closest relationships are with animals instead of people. But it's valid not to care for the company of others, too, or to fluctuate.

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The show only barely touches on it, but autistics are just as sexual as the rest of the population. Some of us are even hypersexual, while others are asexual. So sex can also be an important part of autistic relationships, or not! We are all individuals.

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I can imagine that for autistics who want relationships but haven't met the right person yet, that seeing successful autistic relationships probably provides a lot of hope & validation. & for those of us already in relationships, it reflects our quirky, unique partnerships.

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#AutisticRomance is so beautiful. We can be so uniquely in touch with our partner. It's so fun to see other couples similar to me & my fiance in their mutual understanding of one another's wants & needs. But what is romantic to us might seem offbeat to NTs.

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I have just finished the last episode & I am genuinely sad it's over. Overall, I give #LoveOnTheSpectrum a solid B+ for #ActuallyAutistic representation. Overall, this show leans towards promoting #autismacceptance versus less progressive narratives about autism.

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Please let me know what you thought of the show & what you agreed or disagreed with in my analysis! I didn't go very much into detail about individual things that might have been problematic, I instead tried to provide my overall perceptions of the show's positive aspects.

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I would absolutely recommend this show to other autistics as well as neurotypicals because there is a lot of good information provided & it sheds light on the beauty of autistic love in an overall positive way. I also hope undiagnosed autistics see themselves in this show.

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