All young men must realize that even if all goes well, your woman will have someone approach her about 7 years into your marriage and say:
"Psst... how's your relationship going? Does he listen to you? Does he validate you?
Does he provide enough for you? Does he "connect with you" like you really need him to?
No? Well that's "abusive". You know that right?
I mean really, can do better?
How about this... I WILL PAY YOU to leave him.
Yeah. I will PAY you.
Every single month for the rest of your life
And if he doesn't pay, we'll send him to jail
Don't worry, you'll get to stay in the house, (he'll pay for it!)
You can still have the kids (if you want them)
Or, if you want some time to yourself...
you can take them just half the time
Imagine that! Time to yourself!
Sounds good right?
And socially, don't worry too much about it. Everyone's doing it. You won't be ostracized.
In fact, lots of your girlfriends will cheer you on!
Good for you girl!
You can even take a nice vacation and "get your groove back" with some young hot guy. You deserve it honey!
So what do you say? You wanna do it?
Life is short! The kids'll be fine.
This is "The call of the state" in secular western civilization, and it is POWERFUL
It speaks directly to her hypergamy and her victimhood, and timing is everything.
ALL Women will say that "NO WOMAN would listen to this if her man did/didn't do XYZ"
and they're RIGHT
It will ALWAYS be your fault
Even though she initiates divorce 70-80% of the time
She will never see this as anything but a legitimate option, in fact, often her ONLY option
And both her girlfriends and society will back her up in this belief
As a man you MUST anticipate this temptation in your relationship and select a woman who has a high likelihood of resisting this call
And never neglect your role as leader of the family
There are some MAJOR hacks that can limit this risk (i.e. empower her to resist the call):
For example religious women ALREADY believe that you are the leader of their family, that GOD wants them to stay with you, and often that her body belongs to YOU. This is huge cheat code.
They are also often part of a community that will level a social penalty to her if she leaves.
Another is a good relationship with her father
If she ALREADY has a negative experience with masculinity as authority, why would she NOT choose the state over a man?
Also previous poor sexual selection choices (abortions, high body count, "abusive" exes) etc. These are evidence of a struggle integrating masculinity into their lives, accepting its natural desire to lead, and "softening" to allow it to exist in its healthiest form
If you select well, lead well, be the best man you can be, never abdicate your responsibility to help orchestrate her emotional experience, and create a community that supports your marriage, she MIGHT not ever hear the call.
However most western, non-religious, semi-feminist women WILL hear this call, an they WILL consider it.
And if the cost of leaving is LOWER than the cost of staying, she WILL go. Kids be damned.
Unfortunately your commitment means nothing in and of itself
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"Maximize DHV, minimize DLV" is the "buy low, sell high" of relationships for men
DHV (demonstrations of high value): Not reacting emotionally when she does, being strong, being attractive, being decisive, fixing things, doing what you say you're going to do...
... attracting interest from other women, succeeding professionally, being in charge of your own time (not rushing), winning with money, picking your battles, winning contests of skill, being ambitious and motivated, being kind to the weak, not sweating the small stuff
DLV (demonstrations of low value): Being too emotional, physically weak, not being useful, not taking action and forcing her to instead, generating no interest from other women, not having $, being easily distracted, not being able to ignore meaningless demands on ur attention...
For a man, “couples therapy" is NOT an effective strategy to heal or fix a relationship.
Short thread here for men who have to go, or might have to go at some point in the future
The couples therrapy format (verbal communication) lends itself entirely to the female imperative of putting her emotional experience before everything else
Deep down, you ALREADY know this
This is another example of our gynocentric culture convincing you that something you know in your bones is “toxic” or something you need to “evolve beyond”.
No. You’re not a woman. You’re a man. You’re different, and that’s a wonderful thing.
Authentic “amused mastery” is the healthiest path from the red pill anger phase IMO
If you were unfortunate enough to have allowed yourself to devolve into a defeated, emasculated, sexless plowhorse as a result of blue pill conditioning, waking up can be absolutely excruciating
But BLAME and VICTIMHOOD are not part of the red pill experience, no matter what any manosphere red pill mgtow MRA blah blah guru says
That’s your WEAKNESS again. Frustrating how many “red pill aware” guys miss this
Real RP is total ownership of everything that has and will happen FOR you
Total dedication to your own unique mission
Being your own mental point of origin, always. NO exceptions
It’s about seeing how you can’t serve anyone without serving yourself first
IMO Preventing divorce and broken families starts with how we talk to pre-adolescent and adolescent boys. All other efforts are band-aids.
"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men" - Frederick Douglas
Boys in the 12-17 years old range should be encouraged by other men to internalize and OWN the following concepts:
Boys and girls are NOT the same
Boys and girls communicate for different purposes
Boys are stronger than girls (This is both a gift and a responsibility)
Biologically speaking, a woman is more valuable than a man
When pairing, her role is to gatekeep sex. Your role is to gatekeep commitment, safety, and security. Pairing is a dance of small trades, testing and creating trust.
For the record, on this account I speak to men. In words that work for men. These words aren't for women.
David Deida says the same shit as Rollo. But Deida says it like a man-bun yogi and women LOVE it. Rollo says it like a 80s LA rock nerd and women vomit.
Ideas are the same
I say it in the voice that works for me.
I didn't get it when she said "I don't feel safe because you don't listen to me".
I got it when a man told me "she wants 'safety' as much as you want sex", and listening means just holding it, no solving, no fixing, just validate".
I didn't get it when she said "you're not seeing me"
I got it when a man said "she's like a child, all she's ever saying is 'I don't like how I FEEL. Sit with me until it changes. But don't try to fix it'. Do that and she'll feel heard and seen".
Chris Rock is right: “Unconditional love is for women and dogs. A man is only loved on the condition that he provide something”
Except for one thing: God
Listen... I have no dog in this fight, but conceptually speaking, this is the only “out” for a man who truly “needs” that...
Unconditional love
As we all know, one of the nightmares playing out in modern families is men seeking another mommy from their wife, since they didn’t get the unconditional love from their own, or no dad to show them another way but being a “boy”. Boys NEED mama...
But as soon as your wife senses you NEED her, she pulls away. So in this sense, God is an “out”. That is, if you can get there. It’s an umbrella over YOU the man (who takes care of us, huh?) that CAN provide that feeling of unconditional love