The "I just left a hipster coffee shop" legend exists in all cultures
https://twitter.com/TravisAllen02/status/1321170945969659905
If only Joseph Campbell were alive to analyze this beloved universal myth 
"I just walked into a Trojan restaurant and everybody was talking about how much they loved the cool giant horse present from the Greeks" - Homer, The Odyssey
I just walked into the National Liquor Retailers Convention, and they were all talking about how much they enjoyed the free publicity whenever my truck crashes into one of their stores
I just walked out of a coffee shop full of blue check Twitters and they were all whispering about how they should delete their accounts and seek psychiatric care for their uncontrollable self-validating delusions
A good rule of thumb for telling if someone is insane: they follow 100,000 people on twitter
jfc I follow only about 500 accounts, carefully curated to minimize exposure to nutjobs, and my Twitter feed still often reads like feces scrawls from a padded cell
the only way I can imagine what a twitter feed of 100,000 accounts must read like
In the future, I am going to block all accounts who do not follow me exclusively
https://twitter.com/iowahawkbot/status/1321462633485291521
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