Can I we talk about orgasms, and the numbers 48 and 33?

A thread.
In our survey of 20,000 married (predominantly Christian) women, we found that 48% of women almost always or always reach orgasm during sex, while 33% never do, rarely do, or do so intermittently.

(for numbers geeks who are bugged right now, the other 19% reach climax often).
I'd like to say two things to that 33%.

First, you are not alone. So many women struggle with this! Orgasm is complex. There's a mental component & a physical component, and sometimes things don't line up well.

You are not broken. You aren't missing a "pleasure gene".
But second, and even more important: Many of the women in that 48% were once in the 33%.

Many women who now reach orgasm regularly once struggled with it, like Charlotte who took 26 years of marriage to reach a breakthrough, or Natalie, who took 8 years to learn to let go.
I don't want you to take 8 years or 26 years. I'd like to help right now! That's what our new Orgasm Course does. Covering all the latest research, it helps you unlock desire, figure out what's holding you back, and learn how to reach climax!

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/the-orgasm-cou…
And we've got a men's component to the course, too, so that they'll learn what the #1 belief is that can stop their wives from reaching climax, and how they can make sure they're pushing the right buttons. So to speak.
This is a huge passion of mine. I want Christian marriages to have passionate sex. I don't want women wondering if they're broken.

Orgasm may be elusive.

But that doesn't mean it's permanently elusive.

Check out the Orgasm Course! tolovehonorandvacuum.com/the-orgasm-cou…

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More from @sheilagregoire

29 Oct
Apparently Every Man's Battle has a new edition out this year--a 20th anniversary edition that they have revised.

Here's what I hope they took out (a thread):
I hope they repented of calling women "methadone-like fix when your temperature is rising"--

Women are not methadone.

Women are people. Whole people. We are not sexual receptacles, as we are called in the accompanying book Every Heart Restored.
I hope they repented of the pornographic description of the jogger in the intro--"As she approached on my left, two tiny triangles of tie-dyed fabric struggled to contain her ample bosom. My eyes feasted on this banquet of glistening flesh..."
Read 14 tweets
9 Sep
Yesterday a guy broke the internet by asking when a man is in his rights to call in the elders if his wife is denying him sex.

My replies dotted the comments, and I've been asked to put them in a thread.

So here it is--& grab tea! It's going to be long.
In our survey of 20,000 women, we found that sexless marriages weren’t caused by women just deciding not to have sex. They generally had other factors, including: husband’s porn use; sex feeling terrible (never orgasming); sexual pain; relationship issues.
Our results will be out in our book The Great Sex Rescue (Baker, March 2021), but in a nutshell, sexless marriages generally are not the problem; they are a SYMPTOM of another problem. Figure out that other problem.
Read 22 tweets
21 Jul
When I started writing on marriage, I did it largely from my own perspective + my university studies. I had nothing else.

Over the years, here are some of the things I’ve changed my mind/perspective about (and what I regret teaching earlier):
High drive husband/low drive wife is only the norm in 60% of marriages. In other marriages, SHE is the higher drive or they report the same libidos. To treat sex like it's something only he wants stigmatizes high drive wives and leads to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Often the reason women don't want sex is because they've never experienced pleasure. In our survey of 20,000 women, only 48% of women reliably reached orgasm.

When women don't want sex, it's not always selfishness/lack of priority. It could just be lack of foreplay!
Read 11 tweets
3 Mar
After my thread on Every Man’s Battle, thought I’d start one on Every Heart Restored, that I’ve turned to now.

The book to help women deal with their husband’s sexual sin.

Read it 10 years ago and hated it; I’ll see what I think now.
First thing I’m noticing: They treat women & men’s sexuality as completely different. In reality, many women are visually stimulated, too.

Also, they talk about how young men masturbate, and this is because they’re boys.
Actually, while close to 75% of teen boys masturbate, so have 50% of teen girls.

They get female sexuality completely wrong.

healthland.time.com/2011/08/11/boy…
Read 26 tweets
3 Mar
Working through Every Man’s Battle today to get quotes for our upcoming book.

Prelim thoughts: the advice to men isn’t terrible. The advice to women IS.

I’m glad they take a firm stance to men, but they don’t understand women’s libido or sexuality at all.
All of that is not to say that their advice to men is perfect (I have MAJOR problems with the “bouncing the eyes” advice). Just that they do take a hard line that lust is your fault—at least to the guys.

To women? Not so much.
Oh, dear. Just hit chapter 6. I think it’s about to go downhill.
Read 15 tweets
22 Nov 19
It’s #FocusFriday, when we highlight bad teaching in the Christian world about marriage.

Today: Focus on the Family (@Focusfamily) blames the wife for the husband's porn use, showing they do not understand the dynamics of porn and marriage.

focusonthefamily.com/episodes/broad…
In this show, at the 16:21 mark, the host, commenting on porn affecting 47% of marriages, says: “I think one of the reasons men are getting into trouble in this area is that that need [for sex] is not being met.” FOTF says men turn to porn when wives reject sex.
This is a myth which research does not support.

For couples married less than 25 years, the majority of porn use PREDATES the marriage. Men used porn to deal with sexual frustration, stress, rejection, and boredom before they were married. Porn became their coping mechanism.
Read 15 tweets

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