Apparently Every Man's Battle has a new edition out this year--a 20th anniversary edition that they have revised.

Here's what I hope they took out (a thread):
I hope they repented of calling women "methadone-like fix when your temperature is rising"--

Women are not methadone.

Women are people. Whole people. We are not sexual receptacles, as we are called in the accompanying book Every Heart Restored.
I hope they repented of the pornographic description of the jogger in the intro--"As she approached on my left, two tiny triangles of tie-dyed fabric struggled to contain her ample bosom. My eyes feasted on this banquet of glistening flesh..."
I hope they repented of including an anecdote of Alex masturbating as his sister-in-law lay sleeping on the floor beside him--or at least that they made it clear that this isn't just merely lust and that it isn't normal. This is wrong. It injures HER.

She is the victim--not him.
I hope they clearly called the "lustful" youth group volunteer in his 30s who convinced a 15-year-old girl to have sex with him a rapist. I hope they acknowledged that just because she joked around with him did not mean she wanted sex. I hope they said he should be reported.
I hope they took out the sentence: "we find another reason for the prevalence of sexual sin among men. We got there naturally--simply by being male." I hope they stop portraying men's lust as normal, God-given, inevitable, so the only alternative is to get rid of women.
I hope they took out: "Maybe...when you & a woman reach a door simultaneously, you...let her go first, but not out of honor. Maybe you've the parking lot of a local gym..., watching scantily clad women ...fantasizing and lusting--even masturbating--in the car."
I feel like Sesame Street--one of these things is not like the other. It is not normal to masturbate in car parking lots. It is illegal.

The examples of lust they gave were HORRIFYING. Women who read this book were traumatized. Men felt like monsters.
Don't teach men to simply avoid all other women and transfer lust to their wives so that their wives can keep them from sinning. "Bouncing your eyes" because all women are dangerous is not a healing message for either gender.

Teach men to RESPECT women!
I hope they AT LEAST ONCE mentioned that men should simply respect women and treat them as whole people, rather than telling men they had to constantly bounce their eyes so they could avoid women. I hope they changed their philosophy so that women were not portrayed as dangerous.
I hope they stop telling women to have sex so he won't lust. "When men aren't getting regular sexual release, their eyes are more difficult to control. Help him out in this battle. Give him release."

In our survey of 20,000 women, this was one of the most harmful messages.
Women who believed this had libidos tank, orgasm rates tank, and sexual pain rates skyrocket.

No wonder women rated Every Man's Battle one of their top 4 harmful resources!

And we've got the results of how this book hurt Christian women's sexuality.
Our book The Great Sex Rescue (coming out in March!) is based on our survey of 20,000 women, looking at what messages so prevalent in evangelical resources like this have hurt women's libidos & orgasm rates.

Pre-order it here!
And one more thing—I hope that they didn’t just revise the book.

I hope they publicly repented for the harm that they did. I hope there are some honest to goodness apologies.

And if there are, I would be happy to spread them around, too.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

Keep Current with SheilaGregoire

SheilaGregoire Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!


Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @sheilagregoire

28 Oct
Can I we talk about orgasms, and the numbers 48 and 33?

A thread.
In our survey of 20,000 married (predominantly Christian) women, we found that 48% of women almost always or always reach orgasm during sex, while 33% never do, rarely do, or do so intermittently.

(for numbers geeks who are bugged right now, the other 19% reach climax often).
I'd like to say two things to that 33%.

First, you are not alone. So many women struggle with this! Orgasm is complex. There's a mental component & a physical component, and sometimes things don't line up well.

You are not broken. You aren't missing a "pleasure gene".
Read 7 tweets
9 Sep
Yesterday a guy broke the internet by asking when a man is in his rights to call in the elders if his wife is denying him sex.

My replies dotted the comments, and I've been asked to put them in a thread.

So here it is--& grab tea! It's going to be long.
In our survey of 20,000 women, we found that sexless marriages weren’t caused by women just deciding not to have sex. They generally had other factors, including: husband’s porn use; sex feeling terrible (never orgasming); sexual pain; relationship issues.
Our results will be out in our book The Great Sex Rescue (Baker, March 2021), but in a nutshell, sexless marriages generally are not the problem; they are a SYMPTOM of another problem. Figure out that other problem.
Read 22 tweets
21 Jul
When I started writing on marriage, I did it largely from my own perspective + my university studies. I had nothing else.

Over the years, here are some of the things I’ve changed my mind/perspective about (and what I regret teaching earlier):
High drive husband/low drive wife is only the norm in 60% of marriages. In other marriages, SHE is the higher drive or they report the same libidos. To treat sex like it's something only he wants stigmatizes high drive wives and leads to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Often the reason women don't want sex is because they've never experienced pleasure. In our survey of 20,000 women, only 48% of women reliably reached orgasm.

When women don't want sex, it's not always selfishness/lack of priority. It could just be lack of foreplay!
Read 11 tweets
3 Mar
After my thread on Every Man’s Battle, thought I’d start one on Every Heart Restored, that I’ve turned to now.

The book to help women deal with their husband’s sexual sin.

Read it 10 years ago and hated it; I’ll see what I think now.
First thing I’m noticing: They treat women & men’s sexuality as completely different. In reality, many women are visually stimulated, too.

Also, they talk about how young men masturbate, and this is because they’re boys.
Actually, while close to 75% of teen boys masturbate, so have 50% of teen girls.

They get female sexuality completely wrong.…
Read 26 tweets
3 Mar
Working through Every Man’s Battle today to get quotes for our upcoming book.

Prelim thoughts: the advice to men isn’t terrible. The advice to women IS.

I’m glad they take a firm stance to men, but they don’t understand women’s libido or sexuality at all.
All of that is not to say that their advice to men is perfect (I have MAJOR problems with the “bouncing the eyes” advice). Just that they do take a hard line that lust is your fault—at least to the guys.

To women? Not so much.
Oh, dear. Just hit chapter 6. I think it’s about to go downhill.
Read 15 tweets
22 Nov 19
It’s #FocusFriday, when we highlight bad teaching in the Christian world about marriage.

Today: Focus on the Family (@Focusfamily) blames the wife for the husband's porn use, showing they do not understand the dynamics of porn and marriage.…
In this show, at the 16:21 mark, the host, commenting on porn affecting 47% of marriages, says: “I think one of the reasons men are getting into trouble in this area is that that need [for sex] is not being met.” FOTF says men turn to porn when wives reject sex.
This is a myth which research does not support.

For couples married less than 25 years, the majority of porn use PREDATES the marriage. Men used porn to deal with sexual frustration, stress, rejection, and boredom before they were married. Porn became their coping mechanism.
Read 15 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!