Thread by @sheilagregoire

Working through Every Man’s Battle today to get quotes for our upcoming book.

Prelim thoughts: the advice to men isn’t terrible. The advice to women IS.

I’m glad they take a firm stance to men, but they don’t understand women’s libido or sexuality at all.

All of that is not to say that their advice to men is perfect (I have MAJOR problems with the “bouncing the eyes” advice). Just that they do take a hard line that lust is your fault—at least to the guys.

To women? Not so much.

Oh, dear. Just hit chapter 6. I think it’s about to go downhill.

Just hit the part where they tell the story of Alex masturbating while his sister-in-law was asleep, and he was staring at her.

No talk about how gross, objectifying, and even abusive this is. Just presents it as normal sin.

No wonder women find reading this book traumatizing!

The advice for women is so terrible I need to take deep breaths.

He says to men: Be pure.

He says to women: Stop expecting your man to be pure! Stop being upset by learning that he lusts or masturbates to his sister-in-law!

Every Man’s Battle says that men who conquer lust do so because they learn to hate impurity.

How about they do so because they learn not to objectify women and because they decide to honour women as whole people?

Do the women not matter? I’m just disgusted.

Research shows that the way you defeat lust is to treat women like whole people. But they are still seeing women as objects, as incidental to the whole thing. That’s their problem. That’s why the battle is never won.

Oh, my word.

They just said that wives should be used like methadone to treat lust.

“Be like a merciful vial of methadone for him.” p. 120

#everymansbattle

HOLY COW.

Reading through Every Man’s Battle—they just told the story of a youth leader who flirted with a 15-year-old and had sex with her—and called it a lust issue. (p. 155)

That’s statutory rape & clergy sex abuse!

Oh, my dear Lord. How have we gotten this so wrong?

They basically tell the story of how he groomed her, without naming it that.

And they say the parents want to charge him with rape—but give no commentary. The problem, again, is lust.

This is so wrong. My heart hurts.

To the authors: Guys don’t rape women when they are tempted.

Rapists rape women when they are tempted.

Get it right.

Also—men tempted by lust don’t dare 15-year-olds to take their pants off.

Perverts dare 15-year-olds to take their pants off.

Stop normalizing sexual assault.

UPDATE: Two days out from reading it, I’ve realized what else is bothering me.

Whenever they talked about women (other than wives), they talked in terms of body parts. They never said anything about them as people—even the two sexual assault victims they talk about.

No wonder women reading the book feel traumatized! We’re invisible except for our boobs. We don’t matter. We’re dangerous. We’re not PEOPLE.

Perhaps they can’t defeat lust because they don’t realize the root with lust is treating a person made in the image of God as an object.

When they lust, they view themselves as sinning against God, and against their own purity. Other than that, it's victimless.

They don't realize the main victims are WOMEN (including the ones sexually assaulted in their stories).

Men, you are not the victims when you lust.