Thread by @vmyths

1/17
What with the U.S. election approaching, it's time I told you about a BILLIONAIRE FINANCIER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE who once pondered if he should buy an #antivirus company

I'm talking, of course, about ROSS PEROT

Strap in kiddies, we're going on a ride!

2/17
It's late February or early March of 2004. I'm in uniform, temporarily assigned to USAF's Senior NCO Academy as a reward for having pitched a tent on a captured Iraqi air base. Vmyths[.]com has all but collapsed by this point due to my Reserve military commitments.

3/17
My late wife Denise is at home in my computer lab where she's drafting a résumé. She got cut in the third round of a quadruple-layoff sweep when the U.S. gov't terminated a contract that her firm, um … did reeeeeally bad things on.

So anyway, she's sitting there…

4/17
The business line rings and Denise picks it up--

--Now, I need to point out my late wife is quite used to taking calls … and finding someone AMAZING at the other end. Here's a short list of those people (anyone with an asterisk was on a first-name basis with Denise):

5/17
"Hello," a woman says. "I'm the assistant to Mr. Ross Perot who wishes to speak with Mr. Rob Rosenberger, is he available?" Denise replies "Mr. Rosenberger is out of the office but he should be available right now on his cell phone at <ph#>…"

6/17
At this very moment I'm on lunch standing in uniform under the Senior NCO Academy's clock tower, slowly walking around it trying to determine the average time for all four clockfaces. (Yeah, it's a normal thing for me.) My cell phone rings…

7/17
"Yes, this is he." Assistant: "stand by for Mr. Perot."

A few seconds later <click> "HI! THIS IS ROSS PEROT! I'VE BEEN TOLD YOU'RE THE MAN TO SPEAK TO IF I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT #ANTIVIRUS PROBLEMS THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN ANSWER!"

8/17
"Well, yes: I'm one of maybe six antivirus #critics worldwide. How can I help you?"

Perot cuts to the chase: "VIRUSES KEEP GETTING INTO MY COMPANY AND EVERYBODY HERE SAYS THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GOT TO BE! I THINK THAT'S WRONG, WHAT'S YOUR VIEW ON IT?"

9/17
Now who knows, by this point Perot may have turned over the CEO duties of his post-GM self-named tech firm to his son. I don't know.

But I *do* know a guy like Perot didn't get where he is by listening to people who tell him "what you want, can't be done."

10/17
I tell Perot "viruses get on your networks, just like everyone else's, because your security team believes the *cure* of stopping viruses is worse than the viruses themselves. #Antivirus firms have long used a different technology so they don't get infected."

11/17
Perot is audibly giddy: he's found an expert who validates his sneaking suspicion!

"WHERE CAN I GET THIS TECHNOLOGY THE #ANTIVIRUS FIRMS USE?"

Here's where it gets painful: "you can't, sir. They *tried* to sell it but delusional customers wouldn't touch it…"

12/17
I continue speaking to Perot.

"But then, #antivirus firms realized their after-the-fact technology is a cash cow. It's called the 'Addictive Update Model.' You subscribe for updates so antivirus can detect each new virus *after* it infects your networks."

13/17
This does *not* go over well with Perot. "WELL MAYBE I'LL JUST HAVE MY GUYS WRITE SOME #ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE THAT WORKS!"

I interject with all due speed "ohmygod, don't do that!"

Perot is curious: "WHY NOT?"

I tell him "look, if your folks write AV software…"

14/17
"…they'll just write the same thing #antivirus firms sell that doesn't work for you. Because it's the only 'solution' they know! The U.S. Navy tried it and it ended up a money sinkhole for them. I'd just wait for an AV firm to finally sell the better tech."

15/17
Perot is undetered. "WELL MAYBE I'LL JUST BUY ME ONE OF THEM #ANTIVIRUS FIRMS THEN!"

My snark meter pegs and I say something along the lines of "yeah, I would've done it myself but I'm fresh out of venture capital…"

16/17
"WELL THANKS FOR YOUR TIME!" <click>

My Windows Phone (5yrs ahead of iPhone but who's counting?) tells me we talked for seven minutes

I think "Wow, I just spoke to Ross Perot for seven minutes! In uniform!"

And then it occurs to me…

17/17
"…I'm an idiot! I spoke to a billionaire for seven minutes but I didn't get paid!"

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