Men innately believe that we are able to alter our environment, circumstances, and situation through action
So we are concerned with the root causes of things, and communication is our tool to find out what to DO
Women don't have this underlying belief. Life happens TO them...
... so they are concerned not with root causes, but with effects
Communication is their tool to connect with others ABOUT those effects, to examine them, and exist more fully within them, not necessarily to understand them or find meaning in them
Men seek resolution in communication, the point is to end the interaction.
Women seek an extension of the connection they get from communication, ending it is the worst thing you can do
We communicate for different purposes
To bridge the gap, the best hack for men...
...is to pay attention almost solely to the emotions running through her while she communicates, and not so much her words
Use words only to tell her she's right for experiencing these emotions. Have loving physical communication. and don't rush the interaction.
When you drop everything to focus on her, communicate strength and safety w your body language, and provide limited words beyond affirmations of emotions, her feelings PASS
Often the pass into warm feelings of security
And she'll attribute that to YOU
That's leadership
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"Maximize DHV, minimize DLV" is the "buy low, sell high" of relationships for men
DHV (demonstrations of high value): Not reacting emotionally when she does, being strong, being attractive, being decisive, fixing things, doing what you say you're going to do...
... attracting interest from other women, succeeding professionally, being in charge of your own time (not rushing), winning with money, picking your battles, winning contests of skill, being ambitious and motivated, being kind to the weak, not sweating the small stuff
DLV (demonstrations of low value): Being too emotional, physically weak, not being useful, not taking action and forcing her to instead, generating no interest from other women, not having $, being easily distracted, not being able to ignore meaningless demands on ur attention...
For a man, “couples therapy" is NOT an effective strategy to heal or fix a relationship.
Short thread here for men who have to go, or might have to go at some point in the future
The couples therrapy format (verbal communication) lends itself entirely to the female imperative of putting her emotional experience before everything else
Deep down, you ALREADY know this
This is another example of our gynocentric culture convincing you that something you know in your bones is “toxic” or something you need to “evolve beyond”.
No. You’re not a woman. You’re a man. You’re different, and that’s a wonderful thing.
Authentic “amused mastery” is the healthiest path from the red pill anger phase IMO
If you were unfortunate enough to have allowed yourself to devolve into a defeated, emasculated, sexless plowhorse as a result of blue pill conditioning, waking up can be absolutely excruciating
But BLAME and VICTIMHOOD are not part of the red pill experience, no matter what any manosphere red pill mgtow MRA blah blah guru says
That’s your WEAKNESS again. Frustrating how many “red pill aware” guys miss this
Real RP is total ownership of everything that has and will happen FOR you
Total dedication to your own unique mission
Being your own mental point of origin, always. NO exceptions
It’s about seeing how you can’t serve anyone without serving yourself first
IMO Preventing divorce and broken families starts with how we talk to pre-adolescent and adolescent boys. All other efforts are band-aids.
"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men" - Frederick Douglas
Boys in the 12-17 years old range should be encouraged by other men to internalize and OWN the following concepts:
Boys and girls are NOT the same
Boys and girls communicate for different purposes
Boys are stronger than girls (This is both a gift and a responsibility)
Biologically speaking, a woman is more valuable than a man
When pairing, her role is to gatekeep sex. Your role is to gatekeep commitment, safety, and security. Pairing is a dance of small trades, testing and creating trust.
For the record, on this account I speak to men. In words that work for men. These words aren't for women.
David Deida says the same shit as Rollo. But Deida says it like a man-bun yogi and women LOVE it. Rollo says it like a 80s LA rock nerd and women vomit.
Ideas are the same
I say it in the voice that works for me.
I didn't get it when she said "I don't feel safe because you don't listen to me".
I got it when a man told me "she wants 'safety' as much as you want sex", and listening means just holding it, no solving, no fixing, just validate".
I didn't get it when she said "you're not seeing me"
I got it when a man said "she's like a child, all she's ever saying is 'I don't like how I FEEL. Sit with me until it changes. But don't try to fix it'. Do that and she'll feel heard and seen".