I was interviewed by the Voice of America's Russian service last night. It was hard to find any other Democratic-voting Russians with any name recognition, I guess. They asked me whether I, as a Democrat, am willing to build bridges and reach across the divide to the other side..
The short version of my reply is "Hell, no." The long one, longer than the airtime allowed, is as follows.
No. No, I am not willing to talk to the other side. I am not willing to understand them. I am not willing to be magnanimous. I sure as fuck won't look for a compromise...
"These folks have sold their souls to the devil", I said, probably scandalizing the interviewer (who was good and professional and tried to ask tough questions, BTW; no qualms here - seriously, props). I want nothing, NOTHING to do with the 70+ million fellow Americans. Nothing..
Here is the list of shit I never wanna hear again. Ever.
* "This is how you got Trump in first place!"
* "We are all in this together!"
* "We will never get anything done if we don't work with the other side!"
* "We just need to LISTEN to each other"
Fuck. That. Forever...
This is not about my being a hardened ideologue. This is not about my making politics an indelible part of my self-identification. Listen, I will talk all day long with people who may have constructive disagreements with me on policy...
If someone like @RadioFreeTom or @gtconway3d or anyone else right of center disagrees with me on taxes or health care, or green politics, or minority rights and social issues, I will happily debate. Not for long, because I am a goddamn sports writer and get bored quickly...
But I will talk to intelligent, principled people who disagree with the shit I care about. I am not a maniac. I am not a fanatic. I am capable of discourse, even if delivered with a rather comical Russian accent.
What I am not willing to do is approach anyone who voted for this:
I will not listen to anyone who heard the President of the United States intentionally mispronounce the name of @IlhanMN, an US Representative, and imply that she is inherently hateful of America by virtue of being born elsewhere. I will not acknowledge anyone who cheered this...
I will not build bridges to those who chanted, "Lock her up!", I will not find common ground with those who applauded "Let them go back to their countries!", I will not celebrate our shared humanity with those who found nothing wrong with children forever torn from their parents.
I have nothing at all to discuss with people who saw four years' worth of deterioration and shame, of undermining our principles, of destroying the faith in democracy, of venality, of petty revenges, of grift, of self-dealing, of obvious incompetence and wanted four more...
I will not tolerate those who voted for his enablers and sycophants. I will happily ignore and bypass those who saw this tweet by a crazy church lady disparaging an American hero for telling the truth and shrugged it off.
I have no time for people who either loved or found acceptable a man whose entire political dogma boils down to "Only certain people can be Americans, and it all depends on their look, their name, whether they agree with me and whether or not I am fucking them."
None at all...
It's fine if Biden wants to build bridges, I said. He is a kindly old man, and I respect him. He is much kinder than I am. His former boss wanted to build bridges, too, and it didn't work out that well, but if he wants to give it another go, it's his right.
But I won't...
I don't think America needs bridges, I added. America needs a Nuremberg. America needs to stomp fascism into the mud where it belongs. America needs to clean the stain on its history...
The interviewer cut me off at that point to editorialize about America and reprisals against political opponents...
I get it. What I said sounded harsh. Though, of course, if one wants to condemn reprisals, one should start with Trump and the Lock Her Up Choir. But OK, fine...
I said uncomfortable shit, I know.
But as we see what is happening right now, how this cabal of venal, self-serving, utterly amoral thugs is openly trying to subvert the democratic process, while the 70+ million are cheering them on, I ask: what is there that unites us, exactly?
So, no. Sorry. No bridges. I don't need to recognize anyone who wouldn't consider me human, much less an American. Folks who see a child separated from the mother and say, "Should've followed the law" can eat 70 million dicks.
No policy discussion for you. Get fucked.
But, most importantly, I don't need to recognize you because we don't live in the same America. And the America they live in, the authoritarian, venal America with a personalized and vengeful power apparatus, I want no part of. I could have had that in Russia for free.
Anyhow, for those of my Russian-speaking followers who are asking, here is the interview. I start at the 38:00 mark. Following me is a reactionary gnome, extremely typical of most Russian emigres. He cheerfully slurs Democratic youth as brainwashed gays.
facebook.com/golosameriki/v…

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More from @SlavaMalamud

10 Nov
When it comes down to it (assuming we are not headed for a coup and a civil war), the Democrats have won the White House, picked up at least 2 Senate seats and kept their House majority.
So, why is all the rending of clothes and gnashing of teeth? They did, repeat after me, good!
What they didn't do was knock off Republican incumbents in either deep red states (which TX still is and SC, KS, MT and IA always will be) or bluish/purplish states (ME and NC) in which they had sub-optimal candidates.
Is that really a terrible disappointment?
They have also lost some House seats in districts that had no business electing Democrats in the first place. A huge pro-Trump turnout was no doubt the reason. They failed to flip some state legislatures, for the same reason.
They lost Florida, which, admit it, is a red state.
Read 4 tweets
10 Nov
Towards the end of this interview, Biden talks about "amelioration of the immigration situation", which means "letting Soviet Jews go."
Many of them, who owe their current US citizenship to Biden, now curse him for a communist and a senile traitor.
Racism is a hell of a drug.
You can see him searching for the word before saying "amelioration." This is not the stutter. He knew that even uttering the word "Jews" to Soviet media and this implying the USSR's institutionalized anti-semitism would enrage Soviet officials.
But, in the end, diplomacy worked.
Soviet Jews, though, were always Soviet first and everything else last. Unaccustomed to nuanced political discourse, they came to America determined to support whichever party was furthest to the right, and farthest away from socialism. Everything else was Brezhnev, by definition
Read 7 tweets
9 Nov
Whenever I go on a long-ass thread about something, it's usually to expose the stupidity of
a) a political group
b) a sports community
c) all of the above in Russia
Today will be a "C" kind of day.
So, a Russian soccer player is being cancelled for wanking. Are you here for this?
Behold, Artyom Dzyuba, the high-scoring forward of Zenit Saint Petersburg.
What you should know about "high-scoring" in Russia: this means "capable of plowing the pastures of Russian fields between October and May while putting 10-11 balls into the opposing goal, mostly from PKs"
What you should know about Zenit: they are owned by Gazprom, the company that also owns, not necessarily in this order, the powerhouse hockey team SKA, all of Russia's media, several countries in Europe (soon to include Germany) and Vladimir Putin.
The latter is a fan.
Read 21 tweets
8 Nov
I have decided to troll an ultra right-wing Russian immigrants' Facebook group. Let's see how this goes.
The like is from the moderator
Racking up the likes!
Read 30 tweets
1 Oct
Hello. I am a very, very white cop. An extremely white cop. Just look at me. What are the odds I will be mean to a random black person for just being in your white neighborhoods? Like, 100%, right? Trust me, I will punch first, ask for ID later. I am such a white cop.
Trump 2020.
The best quote is by Officer Actual Piggy at the 10-second mark: "If Joe Biden is elected, it is just going to continue."
Where by "it", Officer Lotsa Bacon means "this thing that has been going on on Donald Trump's watch."
To recap.
Officer Sons O'Anarchy: "I have been roughing up black suspects and random black people for a gajillion years here in Asswipe PD. The next time I am giving a black pedestrian a ruptured spleen with a bike chain, I need to know I have the President of the USA on my side"
Read 6 tweets
29 Sep
For the 5th time in a row, and for the 10th time out of the last 13, the Stanley Cup is awarded to a team in white.
Follow Slava for fancy advanced analytics like this.
100% of Russian goaltenders who have won the Stanley Cup as starters were playing for the Tampa Bay Lightning.
This translates to the Vratarski Coefficient of 1.000.
#SlavasAdvancedAnalytics
Andrei Vasilevskiy has now set the all-time record for Russian Stanley Cup-winning goalies, with 11 letters in his last name. The previous record, 10 letters, belonged to Nikolai Khabibulin.
#SlavasAdvancedAnalytics
Read 5 tweets

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