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14 Nov, 16 tweets, 5 min read
Welcome to Colorado’s Annual Patio Furniture Swap. All patio furniture will move one house to the East.
You’ll get what the wind brings you and you’ll be satisfied.
Those living along the Nebraska and Kansas lines will need to drive to the Utah border to claim their new patio furniture. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them
Don’t be greedy, Tessie. The wind will bring us all what we need and nothing more.
Why was your patio furniture on tour roof, Rachel? Must be a Boulder thing.
Congratulations, Strix. But don’t forget your less fortunate neighbors who just got the pole part.
Whoever’s turn it is to rake the forest needs to get that.
Well, that’s unfortunate, but nature shall return her body to its rightful resting place, one house to the East.
Ah, troubled waters upon the Porcelain Sea. Smooth sailing, Ken.
If Colorado’s wind god, aka Blowcifer, deems that you deserve a big umbrella then you’ll get one, L.
Be patient, Drew. The exchange will continue until 9pm tonight. You may still trade those leaves for a full patio set.
I once saw a Little Green Egg roll four houses down. May the winds be ever in your favor, Jay.
President-Elect @JoeBiden
Items blow east to Nebraska, north to Manitoba, west to Alberta. south to Utah, then back to Colorado. So roughly 132 years. Buy some new lids.
If that happens, it is a very serious situation and you need to call Rudy Giuliani immediately.
A LoDo bro with a trust fund, perhaps?

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More from @KyleClark

Kyle Clark Profile picture
14 Nov
NEW: Effort to recall @GovofCO Polis needed to turn in 631,000 valid signatures today. Recall organizers turned in zero signatures. #copolitics #9NEWS
This may sound like an embarrassing failure but remember the last recall effort still raised tens of thousands of dollars and was last seen spending those donations at a ham radio shop.
The Colorado Secretary of State's website notes that no recall petition signatures were turned in while the "Dethrone Polis" recall page announces that "Signature Collection is Complete"
Read 4 tweets
Kyle Clark Profile picture
13 Nov
Standing by for scheduled 12:30p #COVID19Colorado briefing with @GovofCO Polis. Will thread new details and the coldest hot takes here.
Just remember:
Pace yourself, Scott, the briefing hasn’t even started.
Read 36 tweets
Kyle Clark Profile picture
9 Nov
NEW: @GovofCO Polis says Colorado expects 100-200k doses of Pfizer vaccine in 2020. Most Coloradans can be vaccinated early in 2021, Polis said. Will thread new details from briefing here. Live feed: 9news.com/article/news/h… #9NEWS #COVID19colorado
"This is going to get worse before it gets better," Polis said, stressing that virus is more prevalent in Colorado than during spring peak. Urges Coloradans to practice social distancing with the "finish line" in sight.
NEW: Gov Polis announces another 30-day extension of statewide mask mandate. "Masks are not as effective as a vaccine, but they're in the 50-70% range," Polis said. #9NEWS #COVID19colorado
Read 17 tweets
Kyle Clark Profile picture
11 Oct
"A 9NEWS employee and a 9NEWS contractor have been taken into custody. 9NEWS has not been in contact with either and does not know where either currently is." 9news.com/article/news/c…
UPDATE: DPD just said at a news conference that one of the two people taken into custody was not directly involved in the shooting.
Additional update from Denver Police:
Read 7 tweets
Kyle Clark Profile picture
9 Oct
Here's an idea how we can make a real difference during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. @SafeHseDenver runs an emergency shelter and a 24/7 crisis line to strategize how to escape violence. They lost $42,000 in victim assistance fee funding when courts closed due to COVID...
#HeyNext viewers support a non-profit each week via the Word of Thanks microgiving campaign. Do you think we could come up with enough $5 donations to cover SafeHouse Denver's funding gap? I'll match the first 50 $5 gifts & @SteveStaeger has the next 50: classy.org/fundraiser/295…
Since Wednesday, #HeyNext viewers have donated $26,599 of the $42,000 needed by Safehouse Denver. You can check the rolling total at the link in this thread. If you're able to give $5, thank you! If you can share this, thank you!
Read 4 tweets
Kyle Clark Profile picture
1 Oct
The racism isn’t surprising anymore but it still gives me pause to see the sheer number of Americans willing to be captured on camera cheering racism.
The lasting memory I have from The National Museum of African American History and Culture are the photos of Black children being screamed at by white adults. Wondering what kind of lives the children went on to lead. And whether the adults and their descendants are horrified.
So it stuns me that, generations later, there are so many more Americans who want to be captured in images cheering racism. And I wonder what they will think decades from now. And what their children will think if they ever see those images.
Read 4 tweets

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