Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this year:

1. Doug Ford says "Doug Ford cannot be bought." He does however offer attractive financing terms.
2. Erin O'Toole says the CPC to be a changed party under his leadership. He did not lie. The CPC now has a dog mascot. And even more memes.

3. If you win a lottery you get a giant novelty cheque for the photo opp. You cannot actually take that giant novelty cheque to the bank. It's not real. If Jason Kenney signs a giant novelty healthcare promise...yeah, well you get the idea.
4. Alberta still waiting for that job.

5. Lecce says COVID isn't being spread in Ontario schools. Lecce says thanks to the hard work and sacrifice of teachers and staff, Ontario's schools remain the safest place in the world. Lecce does still think teachers are an overpaid bunch of grumblers.

RT if you love nonnas.

6. It took more than six months for the constituents of Calgary-Nose Hill to realize they'd elected a US buffalo rancher as their federal MP.
7. Conservatives say they hate Cancel Culture. Except if it's a social program, renewable resource initiative or protected greenspace.

8. Jagmeet Singh says if he's elected Prime Minister of Canada he will fight for equal and fair access to TikTok for every child in the country.
9. The Green Party elected a new leader. No, I'm not sure why this matters either.
10. Pierre Poilievre made Max Bernier look pensive.

11. The Canadian government procured millions of doses of the COVID vaccine in less time than it took the CPC to count their party leadership votes this summer.
12. Doug Ford announces new strain of COVID. Ford says "This Coh-VEDD thing... it's pretty frikken' serious, folks."

13. Ontario government announces record-setting OHIP costs in 2020. Spokesperson says skyrocketing costs due to Doug Ford's many broken-heart surgeries and roof-hitting-related concussion treatments.
14. Ontario's new slogan, "Open for Business", voted Most Ironic Thing. Ever.

15. Justin Trudeau wins award for Most Terrible Things Ever Done to Jason Kenney and Alberta Ever. Matt Wolf hosts award ceremonies. Guest appearances by Brett Wilson and Wexford.
16. Shandros threatens some doctors. Says he did because he loves them and has their f*cking! backs!

17. If you profess your devotion to Gawd and make it clear you're against anyone who is not white or heterosexual you too can become an Ontario university.
18. Doug Ford says Ontario's supply services to be run like a Canadian Tire. Staff to run the other way whenever approached.

19. Doug Ford insists there's only *one* man running Ontario. And that man's name is Vaughan Working Families (341778 Limited Liability Condo Development Company.)
20. If Doug Ford says "Mark my words" that's your cue to put your fingers in your ears and yell "La la la la la la!"

21. Canada's Schitt's Creek sweeps the Emmys. That's it. That's the excellent part.
22. Speaking of awards, at the CPC's annual award ceremonies, Pierre Poilievre sweeps the "Most and Best Conspiracy Theories on The Twitter" category.
23. It's "Genuis." Not "Genius." Clearly.

24. Theo Moudakis' OCAD interns did some fine, fine work this year.
25. Canada's music darlings, The Arkells, voted "Canada's Hardest Working Band During a Pandemic." By me. (Sorry, guys, no swag bags from Canadian Tire this year though)
26. Someone won the Stanley Cup this year.

27. Alberta insists they're leaving Canada; once Justin Trudeau coughs up that weekly allowance we owe them. Jason Kenney storms off to his bedroom in his mom's basement and slams the door behind him. Just to put an exclamation mark on his demand and independence.
28. Moistly.

29. Conservatives outraged Trudeau spent the pandemic standing around on the front lawn at The Cottage. Say he should have been out campaigning, like Doug Ford.
30. Timmy's. McDonald's fries. Lay's chips. Doug Ford's holy trinity of EverydayManishness.
31. The Great Reset. Shhhh.

32. It's Christmas Day. And Ontarians all had their stockings hung by the #FireLecce.
33. Doug Ford sells Ontario's environmentally protected Green Belt for a handful of magic Timbits and Lecce's undying gratitude. 🙏🤳👊👯
34. Christine Elliott thinks COVID may be contagious.

35. Doug Ford announces Coh-VEDD will become much more contagious hours after his entire family enjoys Christmas Day dinner together.
36. RCMP says workload cut in half since requests from Andrew Scheer for an official and immediate investigation into Trudeau stopped flooding in.

37. After Andrew Scheer breaks world record for Longest Stepping Down Ever ... Trump opens a beer, coughs on it, and then says, "Here, hold this..."
38. Millions of Canadians are reminded when Conservatives say they're "for the people" they don't mean the ones who pay taxes.

39. Erin O'Toole says that although Residential Schools were not good, they did offer a great education, but this is not what he meant, because people are always misconstruing what Conservatives say when they say bad stuff and refuse to apologize for it. Have you met Wexford yet?

40. I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas because, apparently, I had myself on mute during my entire Zoom session with Santa.
41. I now fully and completely get what Mr. Gord Downie meant when he wailed "You could say I became chronologically f*cked up!" #TwennyTwenny

42. Conservatives outraged the federal government did not get everything perfectly right since the pandemic started. Say Andrew Scheer would have socked dingers from Day Wun.
43. Zoom is a verb now. And Labradoodle puppies rejoiced.
44. Umm. You've got yourself on mute right now.

45. I learned to juggle this year. Also, I bought a used snowblower. I cannot however juggle *while* I clear the driveway. But that's what Twenny-Twenny-One's for, right? #goals