Here’s my problem with the #TheWisdomPyramid : He says that books are higher than online resources.

But in our survey of bestselling evangelical resources for our upcoming book The Great Sex Rescue, it was the books that called women methadone for their husbands’ sex addictions.
It was books that said about sex, “if your husband is typical, he has a need you don’t have,” denying women’s sexuality (Love & Respect).

That book also said sex was about a husband’s “physical release”, rather than also about deep intimacy and knowing.
It was books that said that women had to give husbands oral sex & hand jobs during their periods & postpartum phase, because it was a difficult time “for him” (Sheet Music).

It was a book that called a rapist “equally unhappy” to his wife, his rape victim. (Act of Marriage).
The truth is that most evangelical marriage & sex bestsellers have spread messages that are harmful to women—and we surveyed 20,000 women to find out how those teachings affected them, in our upcoming book.

For years I’ve been trying to undo a lot of the damage that many of the big name evangelical books have done, and I’ve been doing it on my blog—which is online.

I don’t think Christians need to trust books more than the internet.

I think Christians need discernment period.
And sometimes, when books get things horribly wrong, the internet is the only way to correct it.

I know the online world is messy, but our books have not been stellar either. It’s time for a rethink.…
The thing about the “pyramid” is that the resources we’re supposed to trust often have evangelical leaders endorsing them. But what if the leaders have been a large part of the problem? I’d like to see some apologies from some authors/publishers, personally.

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More from @sheilagregoire

13 Feb
We're all bemoaning the celebrity Christian culture that led to the Ravi Zacharias & Carl Lentz (& so many more) sex & sexual abuse scandals.

But what if the problem is not just--or even mostly--celebrity culture?

What if it's the evangelical view of sex?

A thread.
Yes, celebrity culture gave these men (and so many others) more access to victims, and it gave them cover for what they were doing.

But it was not celebrity culture that taught these men to objectify women. Our evangelical culture did that all on its own.
Take the Every Man's Battle series of books: Every Heart Restored says: "Because of male hardwiring, men don't naturally have that Christian view of sex."

EMB says: "We find another reason for the prevalence of sexual sin among men. We got there naturally--simply by being male."
Read 17 tweets
17 Jan
One reason I find Ken Ham from Answers in Genesis so dangerous to our children:

In this age when too many Christians are believing conspiracy theories, Ham marinates kids in conspiracies from the very beginning when teaching young earth creationism.
He teaches kids: You cannot believe scientists or teachers or leaders. They are all trying to lead you astray. Only we, who aren’t actually scientists, know the real science.

(When kids grow up and learn science, they feel they have to abandon God).
From very young ages, then, our schooling of kids is predicated on conspiracy theories.

Think how much the church does this! Even with biblical counselling—you can’t believe anyone secular or medical. They are trying to lead you astray. You can only believe the Bible.
Read 4 tweets
29 Oct 20
Apparently Every Man's Battle has a new edition out this year--a 20th anniversary edition that they have revised.

Here's what I hope they took out (a thread):
I hope they repented of calling women "methadone-like fix when your temperature is rising"--

Women are not methadone.

Women are people. Whole people. We are not sexual receptacles, as we are called in the accompanying book Every Heart Restored.
I hope they repented of the pornographic description of the jogger in the intro--"As she approached on my left, two tiny triangles of tie-dyed fabric struggled to contain her ample bosom. My eyes feasted on this banquet of glistening flesh..."
Read 14 tweets
28 Oct 20
Can I we talk about orgasms, and the numbers 48 and 33?

A thread.
In our survey of 20,000 married (predominantly Christian) women, we found that 48% of women almost always or always reach orgasm during sex, while 33% never do, rarely do, or do so intermittently.

(for numbers geeks who are bugged right now, the other 19% reach climax often).
I'd like to say two things to that 33%.

First, you are not alone. So many women struggle with this! Orgasm is complex. There's a mental component & a physical component, and sometimes things don't line up well.

You are not broken. You aren't missing a "pleasure gene".
Read 7 tweets
9 Sep 20
Yesterday a guy broke the internet by asking when a man is in his rights to call in the elders if his wife is denying him sex.

My replies dotted the comments, and I've been asked to put them in a thread.

So here it is--& grab tea! It's going to be long.
In our survey of 20,000 women, we found that sexless marriages weren’t caused by women just deciding not to have sex. They generally had other factors, including: husband’s porn use; sex feeling terrible (never orgasming); sexual pain; relationship issues.
Our results will be out in our book The Great Sex Rescue (Baker, March 2021), but in a nutshell, sexless marriages generally are not the problem; they are a SYMPTOM of another problem. Figure out that other problem.
Read 22 tweets
21 Jul 20
When I started writing on marriage, I did it largely from my own perspective + my university studies. I had nothing else.

Over the years, here are some of the things I’ve changed my mind/perspective about (and what I regret teaching earlier):
High drive husband/low drive wife is only the norm in 60% of marriages. In other marriages, SHE is the higher drive or they report the same libidos. To treat sex like it's something only he wants stigmatizes high drive wives and leads to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Often the reason women don't want sex is because they've never experienced pleasure. In our survey of 20,000 women, only 48% of women reliably reached orgasm.

When women don't want sex, it's not always selfishness/lack of priority. It could just be lack of foreplay!
Read 11 tweets

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