Thread by @CCCBuryStEd

Whenever there is a conversation about rape, the making of false allegations are often, if not usually, brought up.

Let’s talk about what USUALLY happens when women are raped by their partners or husbands.

By the fathers of their children.

NOTHING. NOTHING HAPPENS.

THREAD

This gets rarely talked about.
Women don’t report the rape BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO RUIN THE MAN’S LIFE

Because it’s not any man. It’s their partner, their husband.
It’s the father to their children.

Women don’t report because, if they DO speak about it with someone in their family, THEY ARE TOLD NOT TO REPORT.

They are told it will break up the family

They are told it will ruin his life.

They are told it will damage the children, if the children know their father raped.

They are told it will bring shame on the family.

They are told that everyone will know about something that should be kept private.

They are told it will be published in all the newspapers and everyone will know about what happened.

They are told “ You can’t let the children think their father is a rapist.”

Or: “ How can it be rape when you’ve already had sex?”

Or: “ You’ll never be able to prove it”

Or: “ You don’t have any proof”

Or: “ It’s his word against yours and who do YOU think a jury will believe ?”

The implication is that they won’t believe you.

And to make the case for NOT reporting stronger, you will be told :

“ It’s too stressful for you. You’d never cope with a trial”
“ If he doesn’t get convicted he will be REALLY angry”
“ Think of how angry he will be when he gets out of prison. He will never forgive you.”

You are told to ‘ get over it’

“ You’re married, you’ve already had sex hundreds of times, why is this so different?”

“ It can’t have been that bad. We all have had sex when we didn’t want it. You do that for the person you love.”

You are made to feel guilty for the children:

“You need to put the children first and not damage their relationship with their father.”

“ All their friends will know their father is a rapist. How is that fair to them?”

“ You’re not thinking of how this will affect the kids”

You are told:

“ But what happens at Christmas? Are we just not supposed to talk to him? “

“ It will ruin family celebrations like weddings.”

“ It would kill his mother.”

I can’t begin to tell you the number of women I have spoken to who haven’t reported because of the above.

Women who have been raped and aren’t talking to their daughters about how their boyfriend, partner, husband might rape them and what to do of it happens.

Because society silences women who’ve been raped by their partners and husbands.

Because their families often silence them- if they talk about it at all.

And so they silence themselves.

Because there is more concern for what could happen to the rapist and how it could impact him detrimentally than there is for the partner or wife he raped.