@Soundsaboutleft Shut up!!
@Soundsaboutleft Anyway. We see Goneoff and the Dwarves fuck off as Billy trips balls. Billy is about to off the pathetic Gollum when he realizes a few things 1) Gollum can’t see him 2) Gollum looks so beautiful and 3) He can’t kill his fiancé.
So he jumps over Gollum and leaves.
So he jumps over Gollum and leaves.
@Soundsaboutleft Gollum is sad that Billy breaks off their engagement and leaves him at the altar.
@Soundsaboutleft We cut to Goneoff and the dwarves in the woods. Goneoff realizes that Billy is missing. He is mad that they lost his gimp.
@Soundsaboutleft So. Billy is invisible and has to listen to Thorn shit all over him.
He appears and Thorn realizes he was heard and tries not to show how that is a bit awkward.
He appears and Thorn realizes he was heard and tries not to show how that is a bit awkward.
@Soundsaboutleft Thorn wants to know why Billy came back.
Billy says “Because you assholes made me sign a contract and told me you’d butcher my friends and family.”
Billy says “Because you assholes made me sign a contract and told me you’d butcher my friends and family.”
@Soundsaboutleft Thorn goes “Oh. Right.”
Then gets embarrassed because for a moment he forgot his plan to keep Billy around.
Then gets embarrassed because for a moment he forgot his plan to keep Billy around.
@Soundsaboutleft We then cut to those stupid orcs chasing them and Goneoff screaming his god damn catch phrase “Run, mother fuckers!!!”
@Soundsaboutleft We get a pulse slowing chase and some stabby stabby as they reach Pride Rock.
@Soundsaboutleft They climb a tree. Aww. It’s like in Twilight!!!
@Soundsaboutleft Hawkass appears down below and says “What’s that smell.”
Seems like orcs have been ripping ass.
Seems like orcs have been ripping ass.
@Soundsaboutleft The wolves climb the tree. Uh. #TeamJacob???
@Soundsaboutleft Way to make wolves climbing a tree boring, movie.
@Soundsaboutleft Goneoff throws fire at the wolves and they start a god damn forest fire.
Smokey the Bear is weeping. He’s so@mad he shoves the tree they’re all on over the cliff.
Smokey the Bear is weeping. He’s so@mad he shoves the tree they’re all on over the cliff.
@Soundsaboutleft I like how they fear falling down a small@cliff when they survived falling down a thousand foot crevice.
@Soundsaboutleft We get a dumb fight between Thorn and Hawkass.
@Soundsaboutleft To pad this movie even more the entire fight is slo mo.
@Soundsaboutleft Billy goes to stop the orc trying to finish off Thorn. And not the sexy kind of finishing off.
@Soundsaboutleft Billy takes out all his anger he has at his captors and unleashes it on the orcs. Uh. The dwarves and Goneoff were the ones who tortured you.
@Soundsaboutleft The dwarves start to fall to their death when the god damn eagles appear.
The massive plot hole from LOTR and deus ex machina of this one.
The massive plot hole from LOTR and deus ex machina of this one.
@Soundsaboutleft They pick up the dwarves to eat.
@Soundsaboutleft They fly them all away to Happy Candyland!!!
@Soundsaboutleft Is this shit over yet?? Stop abusing slo mo!!
@Soundsaboutleft They get taken by Air Eagle to the next plot point while bland music plays.
@Soundsaboutleft Just end. Just end!!
@Soundsaboutleft They drop them off at a convenient point and they piss off because we can’t have them go all the way there. Then they couldn’t make 3 movies.
We can’t have that. We need to give them all of our money.
We can’t have that. We need to give them all of our money.
@Soundsaboutleft I mean fuck making good movies. All of that must be sacrificed at the altar of Mammon. All must be discarded but the quest for more money.
Fuck the studios and fuck the hacks who made it into three movies instead of two.
Fuck the studios and fuck the hacks who made it into three movies instead of two.
@Soundsaboutleft Oh. And Thorn does that “I’m acting mad, but actually I’m not.”
When you “borrow” your scene from Dumb and Dumber, you know it’s top notch.
When you “borrow” your scene from Dumb and Dumber, you know it’s top notch.
@Soundsaboutleft Oh. And the eagles dropped them off at a place where we can get a shot of the Misty Mountains. How convenient.
@Soundsaboutleft And the birds are returning to the mountain. Except the eagles. Lazy fuckers.
@Soundsaboutleft Billy says “The worst is behind us.” Uh. You haven’t seen the third movie apparently.
@Soundsaboutleft We then cut to a bird landing at Arboretum. It pecks at Stone. It’s so god damn fucking loud apparently that it wakes the dragon. FUCK YOU!
@Soundsaboutleft And that’s the end of this piece of shit movie. There are two more. Fuck them. Fuck Peter J. Fuck the studio. Fuck this movie and the greed that made it a trilogy.
And fuck anyone who voted for it. I’m out.
And fuck anyone who voted for it. I’m out.
@Soundsaboutleft @threadreaderapp unroll
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