Story Za Tonnie : Just Party! Lakini UsiPartykane!
House parties, the climax of campus life. In my time in Juja, I have attended a good number of these, but I have to say, they come with a fair share of drama, and sometimes I found myself right in the middle of it, Skiza Story.
House parties, the climax of campus life. In my time in Juja, I have attended a good number of these, but I have to say, they come with a fair share of drama, and sometimes I found myself right in the middle of it, Skiza Story.
It was one those boring Saturdays hii time ya Covid, Kamwana ameeka strict guidelines, hakuna public gatherings, club zimefungwa, the best you can do is just chill in the house. So mimi nilikua nimetulia pale bedsitter, nimedunga kinyasa, with a nice playlist, having a good time.
Kwa meza nilikua na 150 nikaamua nijispoil, nipike kamchele hivi na beef, lakini on a second thought, nikaamua nipike Ugali, mchele hua inaingia kwa tumbo ka imetoka teke kama RECCE squad. Nikafika butchery upesi, kanyama ya mia na viambatanishi, nipike lunch moja safi
Nikiwa pale kitchen nikiandaa, nikaskia knock kwa mlango, it was my boy Sammie, Cabron amesota kama mimi lakini ni big boy, ni kama amekula mashida mpaka akanona. Anyway, it meant I'd have to share my meal, so ile kanyama nikaipiga pilipili saba, kama atakula itabidi apambane..
Sammie naye ni nani, heri afe naye ale, haha, tulikula 50/50 lakini ilibidi amekunywa maji jug mbili. Before he left, akanishow Kuna bash kwa Mike jioni, na Mike alisema tunaeza ishia kama tunadai.
Mike was one those guys in campus who have money, but you really don't know where they get it from. So I knew that party was going to be lit, singehata. Shida ni eti luku yangu ilikua chafu, so ilibidi nimeifua na nikaikausha na towel kama highschooler.
I was hoping by the time masaa ya bash ifike, at least itakua imekauka. Kabuti nayo singefua, ilibidi nimeipanguza tu vumbi, sisi watu wa luku moja hatupendi abrupt occasions, tunaeza kosa kitu ya kuvaa bana.
Anyway, jioni ikafika, my clothes were still a little wet, but nikazidunga regardless, ile bash nayo singehata. Nikapitia kwa Sammie nikajipulizia marashi yake ya kupima angalau nisinuke nguo hazijakauka, alafu tukastep kwenda kwa bash.
It was around 8pm when we got there. As expected, Mike had delivered, the party had lived up to it's billing, it was electric. I remember sharing a joke with Sammie, I told him "there's three things that are sure in life, death, taxes, and a Mike's party will always be lit"
Booze kila mahali, keg kwa drum, Muratina kwa vibuyu, mzinga za Chrome Gin ungedhani zilikua part of the interior decor. Najua nyinyi wenye pesa mnatakanga pombe bora, lakini hapa Juja tunasemanga bora pombe.
The place was full of girls, my goodness, the beautiful, the bootyful, pia the buti-ful walikua pale repping sura kiatu. It was an all round lineup, choose your poison! I was in for a time of my life.
Watu walikua wameshikana wawili wawili kama pair za nyonginyo, my pal Sammie and I had to act fast. Ilibidi kwanza nimepiga shot tatu back to back nishike joto nianze kuwakatia. Haya basi, twende kazi, nakupiga lugha, ukileta upuzi nakuambia maringo ni estate na iko jogoo road.😒
Three hrs in, still no luck, wale wazuri wote wametekwa. Ilibidi nimeshift attack kwa wale madem wanakujanga kwa bash alafu wanaketi kutumia simu. Nikaspot mmoja kwa corner, and although alikua na sura inaeza mtoa Dully psyches, huko nyuma load ilikua wide.
I always say, fat or flat, them butt cheeks must be clapped, so I asked her to dance with me, but she was hesitant. I didn't get it, so I asked her, "why put the fish in the water if you don't want it to swim?". After about 15 minutes of negotiations, she gave finally gave in😂.
My boy Sammie wasn't very lucky, ilikua midnight na kitu ameshikilia tu ni tumbler, anazurura ile mtaa kama invigilator. Lakini kusema ukweli, yule mans pale hangeteka, unaulizaje msupa ati "naitwa Sammie, unaeza niSammie-thia?" mistari gani hio? 🤦♂️
Anyway, bash ilikua at peak, unemployed youths shouting at the top of their lungs ati "kesho siko job ni kulala fofofo.." Mejja akisema, "Leo lazima nipatikane" tunajibu "na katusker ama Kane" kumbe tulikua tupatikane, lakini kitu ilikua itupate haikua ni katusker ama Kane...
Bash haikosangi wale majamaa wanatokatoka nje for no reason. Kidogo jamaa, akaingia akashout "Shhhh! Kuna makarao kwa gate". Bash ikaenda from shouting, to pin drop silence, ungedhani tuko exam room. Mike akadai, "tulieni waishie, lakini hata wakikam, Mi nitabonga na wao"
That right there was a confidence booster, host wetu ni kama anajuana na watu in high places,no need to panic. Twenty minutes later, bado hawajaishia, surely something was going on. In my experience hakuna vile Karao wanaeza kaa place for that long if they're not getting anything
I knew it wouldn't end well, but I didn't want to be the one to pull the nipple out of the baby's mouth, so I didn't say anything. Kidogo tukaskia mlango inabishwa, at this point madem walikua panic mode level 200. Mike akadai tutulie abonge na wao.
Kufungua mlango, mans alipatana na 3 quickfire slaps akajikunja kama polythene juu ya moto. "Kila mutu kaa chini!" haraka upesi kama obidient citizens tukaketi. Turns out the only people in higher places that Mike knew was us, the high cabrones in the room.
Makarao walikua watatu ndani, we didn't know how many were outside. "Nyinyi ndio hamskii order ya rais, sio? Hii si ni public kathering, tena masaa ya curfew". Wakaanza ile madharau yao "Na mbona hii nyumba imechaa moshi na hampiki, fitu gani mbaya mnachoma hapa ndani?"
We were in deep trouble. Karao mmoja akauliza "hio Gari imefika?". Kumbe the entire time walikua wanangoja cruiser ifike. I wasn't going to go down with the rest, I'm a son of an ordinary Kenyan, nitapigiaje mamangu kumshow nimeshikwa atume pesa na yeye anajua niko JKUAT kusoma?
I had to think fast. Boyz wangu Sammie anatry kua optimistic ananishow ati hatuezi toshea wote kwa cruiser moja, nikamshow aache upuzi hio cruiser ya makarao inaeza beba ata mtu Mia mbili na bado ibakishe space. "Haya shigana wawili wawili haraka haraka"
This was it, my worst nightmare. Mimi nilikua huko mwisho wa room na Sammie karibu na mlango ya balcony. Nikakumbuka kwa Mike Kamba zake za nguo kwa balcony zimekatika zikahang, I was ready to pull a Tom Cruise, just to avoid being arrested. Nikaambia Sammie, Mi nadai kuhepa.
Keja ya Mike ilikua 2nd floor, I knew hizo Kamba the furthest zingenipeleka ni just a few feet below the 1st floor, so the rest of the distance I'd have to jump. I analyzed my chances of landing safely, F=ma, but I'm a light cabron, Sina weight, so Siezi land na force mob sana 🤔
Teke nikatoa Kabuti nikafunga kwa mikono kureduce friction, nikaskuma mlango ya balcony, nikashika Kamba nikaslide hadi nikahang past 1st floor, nikaruka nikaland fiti. Sammie akanifuata, lakini akasahau weight yake, Kamba hazikuhold for long, mans alidunda na force of about 9G
Nikaskia Karao ameshout "iko machamaa wanacharibu kuhepa huko nyuma, kamata wao". Two cops came after us, Sammie wasn't moving, I couldn't take him with me, I had to save myself. Karao mmoja akamchukua, mwingine akanitoa teke.
Anawika "kichana simama". I wasn't sure whether to run or not, so I did some quick math, Karao mwenyewe ni size ya mejja, Kuna gap ka 20 meters btwn us, so niko na head start, tena tuko Juja, najua chuom zote, that's like racing Lewis Hamilton on the Silverstone stone circuit.
I fancied my chances, so I decided to run. The cop wasn't giving up, kumbe jamaa hio weight yake ikishika momentum inamove kama tanker ya mafuta downhill, a few steps in I wasn't sure I'd get away. Lakini nikajiambia sasa juu nilishaamua kukimbia, nikishikwa itakua ngori, kaende.
I could not outrun him, so I had to outsmart him. Nikaanza kumkula side steps, agility like a cat, nilikua napull footworks kama Odell Beckham, chenga mbili tatu nikaskia footsteps zake zikislow down. "Mochinga wewe".. Pheeewks! Nilikua nimeponea, a few more meters angenishika.😬
That night I couldn't sleep, adrenaline haikua inashuka. The next morning I learned that my boy Sammie bado alikua Cell. Turns out, Mike alilipia madem akasema mandume wajipange joh. Ilibidi nimemobilize mbogi tuchange tuendee morio wetu.
If ever you're in a house party and the cops come, save yourself if you can, achana na mbogi. Watajitoa na watakuacha ndani.
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