Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

All this remembering lately is bringing me back to my childhood.

It was the winter where we had to go to the Outlook Hotel and where I discovered I had the Shinning and not #theshining

My dad went a little bonkers. But we all go a little

*burps*

mad sometimes.

I can tell you that I was a cute kid and my best friend was named @Soundsaboutleft. He told me all kinds of things like how fun it'd be to burn action figures.

He also taught me to speak backwards.

My dad got a job taking care of the Microsoft Outlook Hotel up in the mountains for the winter. Mostly, he had to flush toilets and not try to butcher his family. He was 0 for 2 that winter.

But I do remember the car ride up. It was so much fun!

While up there we became quarantined due to Covid-1980. My dad became friends with the people there. Well, actually, he just continued to be friends with the bottle.

So...as they say.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE'S THE SHINING!!!!!!!!!!!

We start off with Deadites flying through the Glacier National Park back when it had glaciers.

Ominous music plays as if the direct also made A Clockwork Orange.

And realize I love The Shining more than damn near any horror/thriller movie.

We watch some people drive up some backroads. I'm sure these days that entire area is condos and strip clubs.

We see fonts that I'm guessing came by default because that's about as inspired as a Transformers sequel.

Oh, we totally don't see helicopter blades at the top of the shot as we show highlights of the hotel.

We show a Text "The Interview with the Vampire"

Jack (played by Jack) comes inside and asks to see the General Band Manager.

It should be noted this whole set was designed to be disorienting.

Like...the guy has a tiny tree in the corner like a weirdo.

Jack shakes hands with the manager guy and...ugh...can we just never shake hands again?

Also, we find out it's only a 3.5 hour drive up there.

We also find out that Jack only drinks coffee socially.

We cut to crappy apartments with Danny and Shelley Olive Oyl sitting eating.

HEY. THAT KID STOLE MY SANDWICH!!!

Poor Danny seems sad as all hell. He seems to not have friends and ..I'm guessing they just moved there.

We also find out that Danny has a "friend" named Tony who lives in his mouth and talks through his finger.

Uhhhhh....

Okay. The transitions in this movie are jarring.

TOTALLY INTENTIONAL!

We meet some exec who is going ot show Jack around.

We also find out that Jack is like me. A guy who wants to be a writer, but works a different job to feed himself.

Of course...I've been in quarantine for 18 months and I haven't gone crazy.

Isn't that right, @Soundsaboutleft?

We find out that the Hotel only runs May to October.

It's closed during the winter since the road is snowed out (25 feet per winter on it).

We also find out that when this was built back when, no one gave a shit about winter sports.

This is true since freaking modern conceptions of recre...recre...doing shit for fun is ...uh...modern.

Like...the fuck was my point?

The manager tells Jack he needs to do repairs, keeping shit going, flushing shit, etc. so the hotel doesn't go tits up in the winter.

And isolation ensues.

Uh. Again. I haven't gone crazy!!!!!!!!!

See. Left agrees.

We also see that Jack is such an 80s man. He speaks for his wife and kid wanting to go somewhere.

Then we get to hear a GHOSSSSTTTT STORRRRYYY!!!

It seems that like a decade before some guy (Charles Grady) ganked his family because he was a jabroni.

Like...the dude went chop chop with axe axe and then pulled a Hemingway (pew pew).

And there's talk of SPACCEEEE MADNESSS!!!

It's at this point I should point out that there are a ton of documentaries, etc. that look at this movie to do conspiracies with the moon landing, etc.

It's...uh...

Then we cut to Danny talking to Tony and Tony is a god damn psychic.

Tony the Tiny Tendon Talks The True True

Jack calls Shelley and says "There's a rumor that they forced Jack to eat cheese sandwiches to piss him off because Jack 100% hates cheese sandwiches. Kubrick was a mad genius and balls deep in crazy."

Then Danny keeps talking to the mirror in the bathroom.

Tony doesn't want to go up to the hotel california because :

Okay. Seriously. Danny is so god damn good in this.

There are adults who couldn't pull this...

HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD COMING OUT OF AN ELEVATOR!

(Seriously. This god damn movie is amazing. It builds soooo much tension.)

Danny has some kind of fit and a doctor examines him.

She asks him if he smelt anything funny or saw bright lights.

Then "I'm trying to find out if you took the shrooms I gave your mom."

The doc asks who Tony is.

He says "He's the little man who lives in my mouth."

Tony also hides in his stomach and Danny screams

'THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!'

The doc and Shelley have a chat.

Man. A house call from a doc?

Life was so much easier back when.

I can't get a teledoc to spend more than 3 seconds talking to me let alone coming over to my house to chat over all the d..

SHELLEY. DON'T SMOKE AROUND THE KID!

We find out they moved from Vermont to Boulder 3 months before.

So you left one cold ass place to another cold ass place.

Except now the cheese sucks.

VERMONT CHEESE IS THE BEST. DEAL WITH IT!

We find out Tony (his imaginary friend) appeared when he started nursery school.

Yeah. I hate people, too, Danny.

We also hear Danny has had injuries and...oof. That's...oof.

Like the kid has his shoulder dislocated because Jack is a drunken abuser.

So...Jack will "go" crazy the same way I become pissed at people.

That is to say it's an always thing.

Jack then gives up the booze and has been sober for 5 months.

We won't stop talking about the hidden "13th step."

We cut to "Closing Day" text that cuts to Jack driving with his family.

Hey...THEY STOLE THIS FROM MY CHILDHOOD!!

Danny asks his dad for food and Jack is a dick.

Shelley brings up the Donner Party. Danny asks what that is and Jack is WAYYYYY TOO FUCKING HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT CANNIBALISM.

Yeah. Jack "goes" crazy...my sweet ass.

Jack is legit getting off on talking about cannibalism...like.

We cut to an establishing shot of the Microsoft Outlook Hotel.

Then we see everything getting shut down for the winter.

The manager comes up to talk to Jack.

Jack is...basically he's an 70s/80s dad. Ignore the fuck out of your kid.

We cut to a walking tour of this hotel.

Shelley acts like a yokel who just came to the big city.

We get a bit of history.

This whole thing is sorta based on the Ahwahnee in Yosemite.

Which is ridiculously expensive, but fun to walk around and gawk out like Shelley.

We cut to Danny playing Tony in darts.

He's bet Tony "$10 bucks if.

HOLY SHIT THE TERRIFYING TWINS!!

Dude. So you left your kid to play darts by himself and to be haunted by psycho twins.

Great parenting, Boomer.

We go to their room for the winter.

I would unironically stay there.

Sweet ass wallpaper.

The manager goes "It's a beautiful place. Perfect for being butchered by your husband here."

We then go to a hedge maze.

Which, if I've learned anything, hedge mazes were made by Satan.

We...OH COME ON. THAT DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THE ESTABLISHING SHOT.

You can tel this was filmed in England...pfft.

We then see the snowcat which is a winter vehicle Jack will destroy.

The manager mentions that they just did a redecoration. Since this was filmed in 1979, it basically looks like Liberace vomited up pink roses.

We then see the Gold Balls Room.

It's a swingers club where you have to dip your balls in gold paint.

Shelley says "We'll have fun."

We then find out that all the booze is taken out for insurance purposes.

Or, hear me out, because if I had to spend half a damn year stuck in a mountain hotel I would get blitzed constantly and you would lose all your booze and I'd just shit on the walls and break everything.

Where was I?

Oh...right.

We are then introduced to Dick Scatman.

Dick is the Chef and goes 'I HAVE THE SHINING, TOO!! PLEASE DON'T PUT AN AXE IN MY BACK!'

Danny is then brought in by Susie. She goes "I found your kid creeping out everyone by talking about Tony and screaming 'RED RUM!!!!'"

Oh. Sorry. It was red red wine.

8====== ) ~~~ Scatman is going to give Shelley and Danny a foodie tour.

Ah, crap.

There's a couple creepy, middle-aged twins hammering on my door going "COME PLAY WITH US!"

And I gotta go get a mace to show them how I roll.

BRB.

Back. Those twins keep screaming about red rum or something.

Scatman gives the tour and is very charming. He keeps going “Your husband better not axe me!!”

We see this place is basically a Costco. Lots of food.

They would come back and all that would be gone. I’d sold it.

Shelley is surprised that Scatman calls Danny doc. As in Bugsy Malone

See. Scatman bad the shining.

Scatman is going over all kinds of dry goods while using tele…tele…brain to brain talking.

Shelley goes with Jack and the others to tour the basement.

Meanwhile they leave Danny with a total stranger. No wonder people back when we’re serial killer fodder.

We continue the tour as the hotel continues to shut down.

We then see Scatman talking to Danny about the shins

You see. Scatman and his grandma had the shine. See. Some people got this power. Visions and brain to brain talking. Sounds awful.

Danny tells Scatman about Tony. Scatman goes “okay. You weird.”

We find out that Tony left a bad Yelp review about the hotel. “Friend’s dad tried to butcher him. Still. Lots of ice cream 4/5.”

Scatman talks about how there’s some evil in the hotel. Like a Kardasmemen stayed there.

Danny asks about room 237. Scatman is scared of it, but lies and says “Curious child. Don’t go into the forbidden room!!”

Movie like

We see Shelley has decided to use the room service carts to move things around l…holy crap it’s legit one of the best shots in cinema.

We get an amazing shot following Danny on his bigwheel as he goes through the hotel. The sound mixing and everything is perfect.

Shelley takes her food to the room. I guess she’s decided to wake Jack up with breakfast in bed. Jack goes “I want alcohol!!”

Okay. Breakfast in the living room. Jack wakes at 11:30am. He “stayed up too late.”

Did people back then thing waking just before noon was a big deal. Today we call that any day you don’t work.

We find out that Jack is trying to write. He totally has good ideas. He promises.

Jack is…Jack is always creepy and psychotic. Like the build isn’t as subtle as it could have been.

Jack is like “When I first came here, it’s like I’d been here before.”

Yeah. In a picture.

We then cut to Jack reenacting Steve McQueen in the Great Escape with a ball and the wall of an insanely high end hotel.

Only to transition to Shelley and Danny running around and going into the Maze of Madness!!!

They walk through the maze and I would torch that thing if I was trapped in it.

Here’s a tip. Just follow the right wall and, eventually, you’ll get out..:or die of thirst/exposure.

Jack continues to Steve McQueen it as he looks at a model of the maze that transitions to Shelley and Danny in the maze. What an insanely well done shot.

Danny keeps screaming “Memorize this shit because dad is going to try and axe the dick out of us!!!”

We then cut to Tuesday. Okay.

Shelley is watching a cooking show and making food. I kid. She’s watching news and opening tomato soup.

It’s there to tell us a snow storm is coming.

Danny is on his bigwheel and I 100% would be doing that shit, too.

Danny slows down at room 237

Like all kids told “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” He shoves that apple into his mouth and eats it.

Err. I mean he goes to the doorknob and touches it. We get visions of twins and Danny freaks a little and drives off.

Jack is in the lobby typing away. “All work and no play isn’t how I want to spend my life. You see as a child I was once the…”

And Shelley interrupts him.

She came in there to tell Jack it’s going to snow. No shit. It’s Colorado in the winter.

Jack is annoyed she’s distracting him. Uh. Yeah. I get that, but don’t be a dick, Jack. Your writing sucks like mine. Deal with it, bro.

Jack makes a new rule like he’s some asshole with an HBO show.

“If you hear typing, I’m writing my terrible book. If I’m not typing, I’m doing something else. Either way, fuck off.”

Shelley is rightly upset and leaves. She should leave Jack because he is:

It’s now Thursday. Thor’s day.

It’s snowing outside and Danny and Shelley are playing. You know she’s a g…Holy shit Jack is terrifying.

Now it’s Saturday. What happened to

Jack is back to typing while Shelley is trying to start a new job as an operator.

(This movie is so freaking intense.)

Shelley goes to a ham radio and starts to chat with the US rangers and complains about the phones being down and the weather.

We find out two things. 1) It’s a really bad storm and 2) The ranger doesn’t wanna chit chat, Shelley.

Danny is now big wheeling down the hallway and goi…Ahhhh Evil Twins!!!!!!

And they’re British! Evil British Twins. And we saw how their dad shows them discipline. Bit harsh, but cultural differences and all.

Look. No offense to twins and all, but this movie reminds me that the Ancient Greeks used to leave twins out in the woods/mountains and…I won’t say more. I don’t want British twins attacking me.

Danny tells Tony he’s scared. Tony says “You’re greeeeeeaaaaaaaatttttt! Also. You’re tripping balls. The twins aren’t real.”

We then cut to Monday.

They’re watching some movie or show. No clue what. I’m sure some film critic could tell me what it is and how it represents the Western Expansion of Manifest Destiny.

Danny is bored. He wants to go get his fire engine, but Jack is asleep.

Jack is going to bed real late, but Danny says he’ll ninja is the shit out of getting his toy.

Does goes inside the room all stealth like. Kid is definitely ninjaing it.

Except Jack is already up and being creepy as shit. He makes Danny come over. Probably to talk about the birds and the bee’s and cannibalism.

It’s insanely tense. Like it’s like a weird moment of Jack wanting good things for his kid, but it’s so sinister.

Like. If there was ever a scene to represent a red flag, this scene is it.

I think a little pee came out

“I love you, Danny. I love you more than anything else in the whole world. I’d never do anything to hurt ya.”

That sounds sweet. Jack makes it a nightmare.

We cut to Wednesday. Orin’s day

Danny is playing with you vehicles in the hallway with an Apollo 11 sweater. This represents how we never landed on the moon because reasons.

Danny hears a noise and goes into the open door of 237.

Shelley hears Jack screaming like a madman. Wait. Let’s step back. Shelley hears Jack screaming like Jack. Jack is having a bad nightmare. He dreamt he’d be forced to be in Wolf.

Shelley wakes Jack as he’s sleeping. He starts screaming “I told you to never come in here while I’m working!!”

He tells Shelley he dreamt he butchered her and his kid. Then, when she’s shocked, he goes “Why so serious?!”

Danny walks in on his mom trying to help his deranged father. Shelley tells him to go play. “Go play in your room. Your dad just dreamt of slaughtering us.”

She goes up to Danny and notices he has red marks on his neck.

She freaks. I mean. Anyone would.

Shelley accuses Jack of doing it. Jack looks like he just figured out that he’s been farting his whole life and just realized what farting was.

Jack then stumbles around the hotel farting and practicing his karate moves.

He goes instead the golden balls room and immediately goes to@dip his balls in gold paint. Goldmember is there

Jack sits at the bar and says “I’ll do anything for a drink. Including selling my soul or even reading a @Soundsaboutrig4 review.”

Jack snaps and talks to Lloyd. A ghost bartender.

Jack is an annoying drunk. Talks about “white man’s burden” and shit. Also. He doesn’t have cash and demands a tab. Lloyd pulls out a Tab cola.

We then find out Jack can only compliment people if it includes talking about Maine.

Jack gets a Jack and coke and chugs.

Lloyd screams “Get an axe and butcher your family!!!”

Lloyd keeps screaming misogynistic nonsense as Jack defends his abuser behavior.

Lloyd keeps screaming “Gank them. Also. Women should be in the kitchen.”

God. These ghosts are sexist pricks.

Jack has a pity party like all drunks at a bar.

Then he blames his…wait. Shelley said it was several months ago he hurt Danny. Jack says 3 years.

Who can I believe??

Shelley comes running down the hallway crying from where Kubrick mentally broke her.

She says “There’s a crazy woman in a room. She tried to strangle Danny. Also. Kubrick all but broke me.”

Jack thinks she’s crazy.

We then cut to news in Miami. Uh. Am I watching Scarface now??

Oh. It’s Scatman. He’s getting exposition.

Scatman’s tv gives off lots of white static noise as he drifts into a shining induced dream about being axed in the chest.

Wait. It’s Danny. He’s trying to communicate with Scatman. My ears are bleeding.

This freaking movie builds so much tension, you could eat it with a spoon with how thick it is.

We cut to Jack going to room 237 and finding a naked woman in the tub. Like ya do.

Most people are paying attention to the naked woman walking slowly forward or the music that sounds like a heartbeat. I’m looking at the hideous green they used in that bathroom. That’s the true nightmare!

And. Can I point out that Jack has been told this woman tried to gank his kid. Is…is that something he finds in common with her because he starts to make out with her.

He continues with this until she turns into her elderly mother. Danny has some weird vision of his dad doing this and is gets weird and old boobs ick and Jack goes crazy and They’re all gonna laugh at ya

Scatman makes a prank call, but no one picks up. He decides to head back to Colorado….so he can get got.

Jack comes back all casual. He claims he saw nothing. Uh. Shelley should ask if he looked around in other rooms because in her mind she should realize the person could have gone elsewhere.

Jack gaslights the shit out of Shelley. Kubrick can be heard screaming “That’s right. Mentally break her for me!!”

Jack blames Danny for his injuries because Jack is a monster.

So. Danny can hear his mother talking through his Shining powers.

Oh, god. I just realized Danny can always hear and possibly see his parents having sex. That poor kid!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelley wants to take Danny away, but Jack won’t hear about it. “Leave the hotel? Ugh. You’re destroying my creative process! Also. You’re why we’re poor.”

Jack is an abuser and a monster. He was like this before the hotel. The hotel just amped it a tiny amount.

Jack throws a tantrum like a petulant Jack…ass.

What is this I hear? Music. Crappy, old-timey music??

Left. Do you hear that music???

Also. Scatman calls the rangers to get a hold of Jack and family.

No. Seriously. Left. I hear music and rich, old, white peoples lamely dancing while getting drunk.

*goes into his kitchen which is now filled with well dressed dbags getting drunk. Moves over to the kitchen counter that is now a bar*

Lloyd: Right. What can I get you?

Right: Tacos

Lloyd: Uh. I mean booze

Me: Fine. Bourbon for free.

Lloyd: Uh. I don’t care that this is a ghost bar. You gotta pay, Right.

Me: I will bite your ear.

Lloyd: Left. Throw this loser out!!!!

*Left drags Right out and tosses him outside*

Left: Go Away!

Me: Don’t leave me!!!

Oh. Right. This movie is still going on.

Jack is an annoying drunk who bumps into the Grady guy who gabled his family. Of course they changed his name because Jack is an unreliable narrator who isn’t a narrator. So. Uh. What’s my point?

Jack is getting cleaned up by Grady. Jack thinks he knows he was the caretaker.

Grady says he’s a butler or some shit.

Jack yells at him for lying. Jack then starts to piss all over the walls of the bathroom they went to. Kubrick is heard screaming “Cut. You’re supposed to be pissed off at him. Not pissing on him!”

Then we get the line from Grady

“You are the caretaker. You’ve always been the caretaker. I know because I’ve always been here.”

Jobs like that never have a proper work-life balance. Ya know?

Man. The red in that bathroom is…oof.

Grady then tells Jack that Danny is trying to get Scatman to come. Grady says…what the fuck????!!!

Grady and Jack just drop the nword multiple times. Wtf!

Murderers and racists. Just the worst.

*breaks his way back into the house. I see Left sitting in the corner dressed as a bartender*

Me: Left. When did you become the bartender?

Left: I’ve always been he bartender.

Me: Then make me a drink!

Grady then tells Jack that his kids tried to torch the place, so he “corrected them.” I don’t think he means used a red marker to show them their grammatical mistakes. Also. He “corrected” his wife. Jack is learning euphemisms left and right.

Uh. I don’t mean me and @Soundsaboutleft

Meanwhile, Shelley is having a nervous breakdown as she tries to figure out how to escape the hotel.

Danny starts to scream for booze. He’s like a young me. “Red Rum!”

Ugh. I hate rum. I’m not some pirate.

We then get a creepy scene of Shelley talking to Danny and Tony saying “Danny’s not here Mrs Torrance.”

Like. This is legit creepy and well acted.

Jack is shuffling thru the hotel when he hears the ranger trying to do sexting with Shelley.

Jack takes out vital parts of the radio. The rangers get another call from Scatman. Apparently, they tried and assumed they weren’t picking up.

Scatman knows Jack man has cracked man.

We cut to 8am. Not such which time zone since Scatman is in an airplane flying to Colorado.

Scatman is lucky. He had no annoying passenger bes…Holy shit did they have a ton more left room back then than now. Wtf!!

Jack is back to writing awful fanfic “And then @Soundsaboutrig4 grabs the sword of Excalibur…”

Scatman lands and calls some dude.

Scatman asks how the weather is. Ugh. These people and weather.

Scatman wants to get a snow cat from the dude.

The other dude keeps screaming about Apollo Creed.

We hear so much weather exposition on the car radio.

Shelley is giving Danny a heavy dose of second hand smoke. She says “Sorry, but Kubrick is mentally breaking me. I need this.”

Shelley tells Danny she’s gonna talk to Jack. Danny is to stay here and holy hell is this a tragic story of abusive families even without the evil hotel.

Like. Danny is mentally broken by this. He’s in a mental coma and Tony has taken over.

Shelley walks into the lobby to find Jack. He’s basically pulled a Homer.

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being
All work and no play makes @Soundsaboutrig4 a shell of a human being

Basically, Jack is mentally bye bye. All his writing is just the same line repeated. That’s only gonna let you be a writer for The NY Times.

Shelley wants to talk about the weather and Jack wants to see her insides. And not in a sexy way.

If I remember correctly this is the scene Kubrick made Shelley repeat like 113 times or some shit.

Danny had a vision of Jack trying to axe his mom. Again. Not in a sexy way.

Shelley wants to take Danny to the doctor and Jack just taunts her.

This scene is…insanely good.

Oof. This scene.

Jack talks about how his job is the most important thing. He comes at Shelley and she holds him back with a bat.

I need to take a moment and point out a few things. First. This movie got zero Oscar and Golden Globe nominations. It got two Razzie nominations. Several critics hammered it.

What does that tell us? They’re all full of shit and morons!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck the Oscars!

Jack tries to get a hold of Shelley and she keeps him back with a bat.

“You didn’t let me finish. I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your brains in. Bash them right the fuck in.”

Sending mixed signals, Jack.

Jack tries to take the bat and Shelley Babe Ruth’s his face the fuck back. He’s knocked out and Shelley drags his ass to the food locker.

Seriously. Shelley is straight up gangsta.

Shelley locks him in to save herself and her son. Despite all her flaws, she’s a good mother.

Jack tries to gaslight her.

Seriously. She should have at least been nominated for an Oscar.

Of course back then they also said The Thing was a piece of shit. Early 80s critics all chugged lead paint.

Shelley wants to leave and Jack starts to laugh. He’s destroyed the radio and snowcat. He goes mad.

It cuts to 4pm. Jack is asleep. He’s exhausted himself with all the crazy.

There’s a knock on the locker. “Room service!!”

I kid. It’s Grady. He’s like “Butcher your family ya little bitch!!”

Grady is pissssseeeddd Jack didn’t gank his family. Jack is embarrassed.

Grady calls him a cuck. “You’re such a cuck. You won’t even butcher your family!”

Grady emasculates Jack and then released him from the locker.

We cut to Scatman making his way in the snowcat. He’s humming “I won’t get axed in the chest in the first two seconds I’m there.”

Danny goes up to Shelley screaming about rum again. Just give it to him already. It’s 1980. No one cares if you got your kid hammered on red rum.

Danny becomes a graffiti artist and writes Red Rum in his blood. Oh. Right. He has a butcher’s knife. Jack made a joke “Soon they’ll call it a Jack’s knife.”

Danny uses his blood to make a sigel like in supernatural.

Shelley sees Red Rum in the mirror. She realizes he’s saying Goblin. Shelley screams “Nilbog backwards is goblin!!!!”

That’s when Jack decides that doorknobs are for squares and axes his way into the room. He keeps screaming “Can I axe you a question?”

Danny escapes out the window. Shelley can’t squeeze thru. If it was me there’d be no chance. I’d be so screwed.

Jack starts to huff and puff and Here’s Johnny her bathroom door in.

He tries to open the door, but she uses the Jack Knife to slice his hand.

We cut to Scatman pulling up. Jack hears him and says “I’m going to go out in axe in him.”

Danny is running through the hotel looking for a place to hide.

Jack is stumbling around with an axe. That doesn’t seem safe at all.

Another moment to point out Kramer vs Kramer won a ton of Oscars that year. Because people give a shit about that now.

Hoffman beat out freaking Roy Scheider for All That Jazz.

Repeat after me: The Oscars are Shit and Always Have Been.

Scatman walks in going “I hope I don’t get brutally murdered.”

Jack stumbles around playing the worst game of hide and seek ever.

Jack hears Scatman singing “I don’t want an axe to the chest.”

Scatman walks slowly forward and takes an axe to the chest. It’s insane. Danny screams as Jack comes after him.

Jack gives chase. It’s intense music. Intense moments. Intense pacing.

But, no, this deserved Razziesnn

Jack chases Danny outside. Danny runs away into the maze. This entire ending is beyond amazing. The cinematography is incredible.

But. Yeah. No Oscars.

Jack goes after Danny screaming “I’m coming.” Dude. Stick to being an axe murderer. Not a creep.

There’s a cat and mouse chase in the maze. You know what this needed? Topiaries that came to life.

Meanwhile, Shelley is looking for them throughout the hotel. She sees the ghosts and the blood from the elevator.

Jack continues to scream for Danny. He even starts to sing “Oh, Danny Boy. The axe. The axe is callllinnggggg!”

Jack is starting to freeze.

Reminds me of a time Left and I went and broke into an Ice Cream Truck. Turns out it was actually just a cryogenic delivery truck. Let me tell you. They didn’t taste like popsicles.

Shelley finds Danny and they get into the snowcat and start to turn it on.

Oh. And I didn’t explicitly talk about the bear suit blowjob because who the fuck knows.

Anyway. They leave Jack to freeze to death. Jack screams “Adriiiaaaannnnnnnnnnn!!”

Jack wonders through the maze we see he froz…god dammit Olaf.

We cut to the interior of the hotel and zoom in on photos.

As it gets closer, the old music plays. We see, in the crowd, is Jack.

He’d always been there and always would be.

Man. That’s gonna be awkward to explain to the cops and your friends and family and everyone.

Especially explaining how Shelley met and married a ghost who was in the hotel in 1921. How does that work with drawing his social security since he predated it???!

Well. That was The Shining and it is amazing. Despite being panned at the time, it’s now seen as what is is. One of the most brilliant horror movies of all time.

Fuck the Oscars.

@threadreaderapp unroll