Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

Tonight I'm going to be talking about @Soundsaboutleft's time in Shawshank prison. A hellhole that held, even for a short while, the hardest screwball that ever walked the turnstile.

So join me as I live review the documentary #ShawshankRedemption

When Left came to Shawshank in early 2007, it was for killing comedy.

He was accused of beating a clown to death with a pool cue. He told me "He was a zombie and I had to stop the zombie *burps* apocalypse."

That was Left. Always trying to do what's right.

On the outside he had been a drunken pool shark. Good work for a man with no real education besides a PhD in molecular biology.

He spent his time hustling everyone from Slicks McSlickerson to Willy WellAtPool.

All were jealous of his skills and grace.

It was they who created the zombie clown and sent him to attack Left just before the big game against Minneapolis GuyGreatAtShootingPool for a prize of $50,000.

A king's ransom for a guy who regularly ate Taco Bell and drunk gut rot whiskey.

So believe me when I say that Left was innocent from killing comedy since comedy died when movies like Date Movie were released.

So with that background out of the way, I can tell you the story of Left's time at Shawshank Redemption Prison.

Here's a shot of him having lunch.

Those Left met in Shawshank include Andy Duftman Robbins, Morgan "Red" Freedude, Clancy Brown as the Kurgan, Warden Norton Antivirri 360, and Billy Sadler as Heywood You Stop Singing to That Song?????

Those are the Maine characters. HAHAHAHA BECAUSE IT'S SET IN MAINE!!!

And let me tell you that it didn't start off all gravy and cheese.

When they took bets on who would crack first on Left's first night there, Freedude thought

*burps*

that left would be the first to pass out during the first day hazing of fresh fish.

Because Morgan Freedude didn’t think much of Left when he first laid eyes on him. It looked like a stiff drink would knock him over. Little did he know that Left was a functional alcoholic.

The truth of the matter is there must be a con like Left in every prison in America where said prison was named after a historical event that involved a guy named Shaw shanking someone.

Then they built a prison around said Shaw for said shanking and told him to redeem himself.

I can tell you this, though, before our story begins. Left became institutionalized by prison. He got used to bad food, shankings, laundry soap that sucks, and shoes that are ignored by everyone.

That was just part of prison life.

*chugs booze*

I asked left about prison booze. He told me once that “They can’t get that. It’s in here.” He was talking about the bottle of toilet wine in a flask he’d hidden up the backside safe.

I gotta admit I missed Left as

*vomits up red wine*

he wallowed in prison.

I would call him and he'd try to give me hope.

“Get busy living or get busy staring at a wall,” he'd say.

The guy was a colossal prick who thought he sounded magnanimous. He sounded like a prick.

Oh. Before I forget. Here's a photo of when I went to visit Left just before he got out.

Oh. Right. Spoiled Cabbage. Left esc...esc... escalated from Shawshank by eating all the poop

*gags*

Excuse me. By sliding down the ole poop chute.

He sent me this photo his buddy Andy took of him as they rocked out to AC/DC's Thunderstruck.

They ended up ...well...

I'll let the story begin.

A story of male bonding, male binding, mail bundling, mall building, and mole burrowing.

(And before I get started. Realize I love this movie. It's freaking amazing.)

The documentary starts off with a guy drunk driving to the woods to listen to music.

I did that once. Of course I wasn't blasting music this punk rock.

The guy takes out his hobo bindle and inside is a Russian Rou...errr...blackjack pew pew and a crap ton of pew pew lead thingies

We then cut to a trial. I think it's a divorce.

Andy's wife's lawyer is really good at making him seem like a total dbag.

She's going to get all of his assets.

We then cut to Andy watching his wife cuck him. with some golfer.

You know women and their love of that golfer wood.

Andy talks about waiting outside to watch his wife's cucking while drinking and we find out he has a kink for scaring the bull.

Andy denies the claims he...

Huh. I don't think this is a divorce proceding.

Uh. Turns out Andy is accused of pew pewing his wife and her golf buddy.

And the divorce lawyer is doing a good job of making Andy seem

*burps*

like he is an unfeeling monster.

The Divorce lawyer at Left's trial did the same. Said he was a prick. I mean..I testified to that affect, but it still hurt to hear it by someone else.

I had to apologize to Left for testifying against him.

I was the one who destroying his alibi that he was busy shoving ping pong balls up his backroom safe when the clowing cuing happened.

He stole my remote, though. The prick deserved it.

I wanted to this new show Burn Notice

We see Andy Dofrays getting sentenced to life in prison without possibility of parole.

Left got 10 years with possibility of parole if he could "juggle with his butt cheeks"

We cut to Morgan Freedude at a job interview. He's trying to bullshit his way through it, but they reject him for the job.

Man. Tough place. If they don't hire you, they send you to Shawshank.

OH, this is a work camp that Obama wants.

Others there were rejected from work, too.

But...you know Obama. Making people back in the 1940s be imprisoned for not getting a job.

We find out that Morgan Freedude can get you anything in prison. Booze. Cheetos. Ham on rye. A shank to get even with your cell mate.

Anything.

Even hot actresses.

We watch the work camp prisoners go up to see the free fish come in on the boat.

I only see prisoners...not fish.

They're idiots and obviously not fisherman.

The work camp guys all cheer the new comers and a group of them gather around Morgan Red.

Oh, shit. There's the Kurgan!!

The prisoners get off the bus because they got job interviews to get to.

People keep screaming about fresh fish. Maybe it's farmer's market day???

The 1940s were weird.

Morgan is taking bets about which horse wi...

NOW THEY THINK THEY'RE HORSES????

These work camp prisoners aren't so smart.

Anyway, they bet on prisoners and how quickly they'll get caught by ...someone.

In the back of the line was Left. He was busy being a cool guy because cool guys go to the back.

We then watch the interviewees line up. They're all chained together.

Must be interviewing for Amazon warehouse jobs HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TOPICAL HUMOR!!!!

We're introduced to Warden Antivirii and Captain Kurgan.

He tells them that they can't blaspheme and shit.

One dude asks when they eat and we find out that they eat, drink, and shit when told to.

THIS IS AN AMAZON WAREHOUSE JOB HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

*vomits*

The warden welcomes them to Shawshank, but that doesn't sound nearly as cool as "Welcome to the Rock!"

They're then given a shower with a firehose.

I hope they clench else they're about to get an ene...enem...... enemy mine.

After they're washed, they throw powdered sugar on them like in Super Troopers.

Then they're told to go pick up clothes and a certain holy book.

Morgan Freedude talks about them walking the catwalk.

That night the prisoners all try to mentally break the newcomers.

I mean...they're harden criminals during the 1940s.

Civilians back then were basically monsters...the hell do you think the prisoners were like?

Ha. Take that Lost Generation and Greatest Generation!!

The prisoners say terrible things to break the newcomers.

Things like "Jet fuel can melt steel beams" and "Peanutbutter and Jelly is terrible" and "Ranch dressing can be poured on popcorn."

Awful stuff. Just...evil.

Heywood (Billy Sadler) mentally breaks this one dude by telling him "Quarantine will never end"

The one dude starts to cry for his mom and Left has the best "Yo' momma joke" ever.

"I want my mother."

"I had your mother. She wasn't that great." That's our Left!

The fat dude who is having an existential crisis makes so much noise that the Kurgan comes in.

He tells the dude to shut up. When he doesn't, the Kurgan screams "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" and beats the ever living manshit out of this dude.

It's brutal, but that's 1940s for ya.

The Kurgan has the quickening happen and then threatens to "Ramirez the fuck out of all of you if you dont' shut up!"

Morgan Red is pissed that Andy doesn't mentally breakdown because Morgan Freedude is a god damn sociopath.

He bet on human misery.

I'd never do that.

Reminds me. I gotta bet on next week's boxing.

They end up going to lunch the next day in a lovely cafeteria.

OHHH. They're at college!

Though, the food looks like my high school's.

HAHAHA. UNDERFUNDED PUBLIC EDUCATION IS FUNNY!!!

Andy finds a worm in his food and this old dude named ..uhh...Brooks Brothers wants it.

Andy gives it to him and Brooks chews up the worm and spits it into the mouth of a baby bird.

It's weird.

Left told me this was the Birdman of Shawshank.

Turns out this world is so awful that even birds are imprisoned.

Wt...oh...wait. We humans do that.

Fuck.

Billy Sadler comes up and takes his reward for getting the fat guy to get murdered by a guard.

I'm legit amazed cops haven't found a way to reward people for this.

HA. TOPICAL HUMOR!!

See. The fat dude was Kurganed and that means he won't win the prize.

When Andy asks his name, they pull a Wing Commander and act like he never existed.

God...that movie sucked.

Andy is a sensitive soul. I showed you Left sitting beside him already.

Oh. And then we cut to a hot shower scene.

Just dongs and butts as far as the eye can see.

Too bad they're not

*burps*

hot.

See. This is Bogs Hogg. He's...he's not a nice person.

I was going to make a Wade Boggs joke, but may he rest in peace.

Andy goes up to Morgan Red because he wants something.

Morgan Freedude makes fun of Andy being innocent.

He goes "Nobody is ever innocent. That's why there haven't been multiple murder convictions overturned by DNA."

Fucking 1940s, man.

Andy wants to ask Freedude for something.

"What ya want?"

"I want a jackhammer so I can escape through the wall and break into the shitter pipes and escape after robbing the Warden blind and proving his illegal activities."

Morgan Red goes "Uh...that'll cost ya."

We find out that Bogs Hogg and his crew want to...oof...they want to...uh....bad things with Andy

Morgan goes "Look. I don't want you to use this to tunnel through the wall."

Andy laugh and goes "I couldn't do that. It'd take 20 years and motivation from the Warden murdering my pupil for me to do that."

Morgan then asks for a mark-up to get it.

Morgan then monologues to himself about how Andy walks and talks.

I mean...it's weird to watch someone and monologue about them.

I thought this was the case as I watch Left walking around. He walked in this manner that suggested he'd beaten a clown to death.

We then find out that there's a blackmarket based off cigarettes in prison.

Everyone gets a piece ...of cartons of cigarettes.

Was this sponsored by Marlboro or some shit?

When Morgan Freedude gets the chess piece pick, he realizes it would take 20 years and the motivation from the warden murdering his pupil for Andy to tunnel out of his cell that is luckily the last one and connects to a wall that leads to a pipe that leads outside.

We also find out that the Brooks Brothers are in on this by pushing a library cart filled with contraband and the fun of having a library card.

Then we get to a scene I won't joke about.

Andy is assaulted and it's brutal. Prison assault is not a joking matter and we shouldn't ever joke or try to normalize it no matter who is involved.

So...uh...

Let's go to a scene I can make fun of because this is brutal.

We find out that Andy's routine was brutal. Mostly being assaulted and doing laundry.

It's...fucking depressing.

We then find out that the roof of the license plate factory needs to be resurfaced and they need people to tar the shit out of it while overhearing prison guards talk about getting an inheritance.

We find out that this lottery, like life, is rigged for the rich. Or at least the rich in cigarettes who bribed the guards.

We listen to the Kurgan. We find out his brother died and had a bunch of money.

Seems a Highlander had fought him in an arena parking lot.

The Kurgan is going to inherit $35,000 in 1949.

Which is like 2983598239852379852379852398532023845982359823 dollars today.

Okay.

I gotta go rouse Left out of his drunken stupor and hear a few more tales from him.

He keeps eating burritos and screaming about "In latrina vino veritas"

Holy crap. Left just shanked me for “Being a snitch bitch.”

So I had to plug the wound with an old sink rag and duct tape. I’m back to the documentary.

Right. So we listen to the Kurgan complaining about being rich. Uh. I’m pretty sure he could have quit with that kind of money then.

That means the Kurgan does this because he gets to hurt people.

Andy goes up to the Kurgan and offers tax advice. The Kurgan almost tossed Andy off the roof, but Andy talks him down.

Tax forms for booze. Bartering for booze is a Sounds About family tradition.

We then watch a bunch of criminals drink money on our tax dime and they laze about. That’s Truman’s America for you.

Andy continues to show he likes to watch men enjoy themselves as he watches the prisoners drink.

We then find out that Andy likes chess. Left likes chests.

Andy complains he doesn’t have any rocks to make chess pieces out of.

Left has hoarded all the boob-shaped rocks for his chest pieces.

And we find out that Morgan is there for killing these monologues. I mean that in a good way. The guy is one of the best actors ever. I mean he was in Brubaker!!

Andy uses his new pick to graffiti his cell wall.

We cut to some old movie being played. No one is using cell phones. That means it’s automatically better than any more today according to some people.

Andy asks Morgan for a woman to be smuggled into the prison. It’ll take weeks.

Andy leaves the movie and gets jumped and we get a scene where he uses his brains to get a beating instead of something worse.

Oof. This movie that’s about an innocent man being sent to prison and has a murderous guard has a few depressing scenes.

So Bogs Hogg assaults Andy and then, after getting out of the hole, is beaten to within an inch of his life by the Kurgan.

Honestly.

Bogs Hogg goes to a prison hospital and Andy goes to the infirmary. Uh. He joined the army??

To make him feel better, Andy’s friends collect rocks and put it in a shoebox with a note “Sorry you got cracked, so here’s some stones we whacked.”

Andy also got Rita Herworth gets smuggled in.

It seems that Morgan Freedude used an enchantment to press her flat onto a piece of pap…

Ohhhh. It’s a printed poster.

We then cut to the cells getting tossed. Andy is doing what I did as a kid. Pretending to read the holy book.

Warden Antivirii comes in to inspect Andy’s rock collection and hot ankle-showing posters.

Andy has remembered tons of words from the big book. I remembered “Jesus wept.”

The Kurgan hates polishing and chess, but the Warden seems fine with it.

He’s checking out Andy. He wants Andy to Trump the books if you will.

The warden says “Salvation lies within.” He’s right. A pickaxe.

We then find out about the Warden’s wife’s activities. How exciting.

The Warden then puts Andy on library duty.

Brooks Brothers is singing “Have fun isn’t hard when you have a library card.”

He gives Andy the tour. The library sucks. But public prison library funding. Eh???

Andy is sus…susp…is sophisticated about the Warden’s motivations.

We quickly find out that the Warden wants to set up a Prison H&R Cell Block.

Hahahahahahahahaahhahash

Brooks Brothers brags about Andy at lunch. Brooks is Andy’s agent.

We also listen to Andy talking about getting more funding for the library.

Left screams “Start a Go Fund Me.”

Then Left remembers that won’t exist for another 60 years.

Andy ignores Left and sends letters. Hahaha. Imagine writing a letter and sending by mail only to be ignored.

I get to send emails requesting representation and get ignored. It’s much faster!!

Alexa. Play “You will never find success, Right. Give up and spend your remaining years trying to waste the hours away another way” by The Sounds About Left Band.

We then get some sweet tax return action. So hot. It gets my W-2s all hot.

We even learn about tax deductions.

Remember that episode of Roseanne about taxes? The one called April Fool’s or something. That was a great episode.

Oh. Right. And Brooks Brothers is gonna slit Billy Sadler ear to ear.

You see Brooks Brothers has been paroled and he’s gonna get himself back in prison. Uh. Just go kick a guard in the dick.

We then learn about being institutionalized. I means that…uhh.

It’s like the dude is so used to prison that…like. That’s what he knows because that’s like

Look. It means shit be crazy. Okay!

Brooks Brothers then paroles his bird. I don’t think you have that power, but whatever. I don’t know much bird law.

We then watch Brooks go back into the real world after 50 years. A world that he is completely alien to.

Cars have taken over. They were barely around when he went in. Everything is faster. Everything is different.

Brooks feels overwhelmed by this and the fact he is a small, old man who gets no respect in the outside world.

He’s forced to do hard work while in pain and miserable and lonely.

Everything he’s known is gone. He’s a leaf blown far from home. Unable to see where he’s come from and not knowing where he’s going.

He’s desperate and wants to go back to prison in order to feel that comfort. He contemplates committing a heinous crime to go back.

But, in the end, he decides a different and sadder fate. Brooks leaves this world a sad, broken man who can’t handle it all.

This is an insanely sad scene and I can not kid about it.

Seek out help of you feel adrift like this.

Back in prison Andy reads this out and it brings sadness to them all.

Even Left is brought to tears.

We then cut to a rummage sale gone wrong.

It seems like Andy’s whining and complaining worked. What is he. A 1950s housewife asking for a new Beakman’s refrigerator.

Am I right, everyone?

Haha. Systemic oppression of women and infantilizing their emotions is great comedy!!

Sorry. Trying to lighten the story after Brooks and Left told me that it’d kill. He got it from his 1950s copy of “How to make other white men laugh at the expense of women and non-white people.”

Ah, shit. This isn’t going well. I don’t even have horrendous assault scenes to distract with anymore.

Uh. How about some Mozart?

The Kurgan is pisssseeeddd that Andy got books for prisoners. The Kurgan could run as a Republican Senator and win in a landslide with his stances and actions.

Andy is told to

*burps*

clean up the books.

Andy, like all Karens, realizes that whining works, so he’s gonna keep doing it to get more.

Andy then looks at the records. Ugh. Such a hipster. He pulls out a musician you’ve never heard of (if you’re a Shawshank prisoner in 1950s)

A little known dude known as The Wolf Gang.

Andy decides that other people need to know he listens to classical music, so he makes all the other prisoners listen to it.

Ugh. He’s like my neighbor who blasts his shitty music as he leaves for work.

The music is two Italian women talking about marriage and some dude named Figarow and how they’re gonna cuck him. I think. I don’t speak German.

The Warden gets pissed Andy is playing Mozart. He’s more of a Salieri man.

He screams for Andy to turn it off, but Andy turns it to 11

The warden gets pissed and has the Kurgan break in and shoved Andy into his hole.

Left was in the cell beside him and left hummed Pachelbel the whole time.

Andy went mad after three days.

Andy would later claim it was “Rhe easiest time I ever did.”

Left knew the truth. Andy broke and cried for Left to Bach off. Hahahababahahahahashhddjdjnz chdjdjdjdidjd dbdjejdjz

Andy then claims he can remember music and replay it in his head. Ha. Like that’s possible with an iPod. This message brought to you by Ap

*farts*

ple.

We then get an argument between Morgan and Andy about hope. Andy believes in hope and Morgan, rightly, knows hope is just future pain packaged up.

We then cut to Morgan’s next Job Interview.

They ask him more questions like “What’s some of your weaknesses? What is your salary expectations? Do you regret brutally murdering people? Can you record my voicemail message because you have the best voice?”

Once more (mostly because he says no to the voicemail thing), he’s not hired. They send him back to jail.

We find out he’s tried to get a job for 30 years.

Andy gets Morgan a “Sorry you didn’t get the job” gift. It’s a harmyourearica.

Andy asks him to play it, but Morgan doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to admit he can’t play it.

We then find out that Morgan turned Marilyn “Allegedly Bumped Off by the Kennedys” Monroe into a poster, too.

Andy puts this up as Freedude plays his harmyourearica.

We then find out that Andy’s whining finally worked and the state will help fund the prison library.

Today, his funding would be used in tv ads to attack whoever voted for this.

We then see the Shawshank Prison Book Club meeting.

They’re trying to decide what to read next.

We find out that the person who wrote the Count of Monte Crisco is a real dumbass. Hahahahahahahddhjd

We then get a wood shop scene that cuts to a prison sing along with Billy Sadler.

And we see the Warden starting his grift. It’s called “Exploiting Humans to Pad My Pocket Campaign.”

If the Warden was around now, he would 100% be running the RNC.

Basically. The Warden under bids everyone with his technically allowed by the 13th amendment indentured prisoners to make dolla dolla bills y’all.

We also see the Warden getting bribes. If he was a congressman, this would be legal.

We also find out that Andy is laundering his books with Downey Extra Soft.

We see no foreshadowing with this scene where we see the routine of deposits and the Warden showing how dumb and terrible he is.

The next day Andy and Morgan talk about how Andy washes it. Andy would be very wealthy in DC if he was around today.

We also find out that faking shit was wayyy easier in the 1950s. I can’t even get my god damn gas turned on without a shit tin of work and Andy creates a human via mail.

No wonder serial killers thrives on these gullible saps back when.

Oh. And an update. Left was actually listening in on this conversation and learned how to do laundry. Of course he’s an idiot and thought this was how you do literal laundry.

That moron ruined my bedspread the first time he added honey into the washing machine.

He kept screaming about Virgo’s honey pot or some shit. I don’t know. The guy is crazy.

We are then introduced to a new guy.

Uh. I can’t remember his name. Greaser maybe!??

He’s some young, cocksure kid who talks about malt shops and hula hoops. He’s very hip.

Greaser tells stories at lunch, but it’s mostly about how he sucks at getting away with crimes.

Andy calls his ass out. Greaser gets all whiny and screams about “Beach Blanket Bingo” or some shit.

Greaser, realizing that he lives in a time where minimum wage could buy you a house, decides he wants to go straight. He wants to get his GED and get a job that’ll pay for a family of 8 to have a house and go to college on his said minimum wage salary.

Greaser is taught to read and taught to think. Greaser starts talking about how he’s been exploited by the bourgeoisie after getting good…Marx.

We now see a new woman has been imprisoned by Morgan as a poster.

Also. Greaser takes his test and throws a fit that it might not be good enough.

Suck it up, buttercup. You can send your kids to college by selling firewood and shit.

I will say that Greaser hates word problems almost as much as me.

He throws his test away and Andy sends it in anyway.

“Is this test torn to shit? Ah, well. It’s 1965. Everything is easier if you’re a dude. Pass him.”

Greaser talks to Morgan and Greaser realizes that he knows Andy is innocent.

You see. Greaser had a weird roommate who confessed to the murder.

He was writing some book that said “If I Did It” and was obsessed with gloves fitting.

Andy hears this story and goes to the Warden. He wants a retrial.

The Warden doesn’t want his gravy train to end. He tries to gaslight Andy.

Andy makes a math pun and that infuriates the Warden.

Andy gets thrown into the hole. As he’s being dragged away, he screams “Don’t let that asshole him Pachelbel again!!”

Luckily for Andy, Left hummed Liszt.

Andy went mad within twenty minutes.

We find out that Andy is innocent. He shouldn’t have lost everything in the divorce.

Meanwhile, Greaser gets his test results. He passed and also doesn’t have the clap.

Tests back when we’re thorough.

We cut to the hole where Andy is weeping for Left to stop singing show tunes.

The guard tells him Greaser passed.

We then get a scene where the Warden wants to talk to Greaser outside.

He Warden wants to know if Greaser will tell the truth about Andy’s innocence.

Greaser is too sweet for this world and doesn’t realize the trap.

The Warden screams “He’s coming right for us” and Greaser gets second amendmented.

I’m starting to suspect the warden is a bad guy.

The Warden goes to the hole to talk to Andy. Andy is mumbling “Listzamania” over and over again.

The Warden is wants Andy to continue doing his laundry.

Andy says no.

The Warden threatens him with Left singing.

Andy weeps as the Warden leaves him to contemplate

Andy cries as the Warden leaves and Left starts to sing Country-Western.

We then get a scene of Andy being broken. The movie implies it’s from self-reflection upon his life. How he never showed his wife the affection and love he should have. His guilt that this caused her to cuck him and that other weirdo dude iced her.

He talks about the twists of fate that push us forward inevitably to the grave.

We hear his hopes of going to Zaywhataneighho or some shit.

Andy envisions himself there to find happiness again.

But he’s stuck on the prison. Stuck behind walls for a crime he didn’t do. The only person who could prove his innocence dead. The Warden wanting to control him and never letting him go.

All the whole Morgan has shown he’s lost hope of leaving and shows he’s institutionalized.

These moments of bonding and reflection that stare into the very souls of man.

This burden weighs upon Andy. You can see it trying to overwhelm him.

Nihilism’s siren call tempts him.

That’s what they want you to think is on his mind. The truth is he had to smell Left shitting out prison food for a week.

That’d break anyone.

Oh. And we find out that Andy has a treasure map spot for Morgan to find later.

We cut to the lunch with Morgan and everyone but Andy. We find out from Billy Sadler that Andy asked for rope.

Uh. Hmm. That’s no good.

That night we see the normal routine of the Warden wanting to go home and Andy informing him about their criminal empire.

The Warden then tells Andy to do his laundry and shine his shoes.

The Warden isn’t nice.

Andy heads back to his cell as Morgan Freedude watches him.

Time passes that night. Morgan terrified that Andy might do something. Hell. We see him holding the rope.

It’s mentally brutal for Morgan as a storm rolls in.

The next day there’s a roll call. “Applebottom” “Here” “Billy Bob Knob?” “Here”

“Andy Protagonist Who The Audience Fears Has Done Something Bad”

*silence*

We then cut to the Warden and he opens up his shoebox to find out that Andy suckkkkksssssss at shining shoes. They look like old, prison shoes. Not his nice shoes!!

We hear the Tornado warning siren.

Uh. A prison escape isn’t as important as a tornado!!

We cut over to Andy’s cell and the Warden is losing his shit.

Oh. And that’s the moment I showed up.

Remember that image earlier? Well. That was shot from the hole Left had dug into the wall with Andy. They used a poster to cover it up.

https://twitter.com/soundsaboutrig4/status/1423850582528327684

The Warden found it by throwing a tantrum and screaming about rocks and cupcakes and shit.

Dude had lost it.

You see Left and Andy had escaped from Shawshank Prison.

Andy wanted to leave without Left, but he threatened to tell and also promised never to sing again.

We find out that Andy had been working on the hole for over a decade. Using a poster to block it and slowly putting the scrapings into the exercise yard.

Left ate his share of the rocks he was supposed to dispose of.

We also find out that Andy did the ole Shawshank Shuffle with the books.

He switched them out and stole the Warden’s shoes. Left kept going “Look at this shoes. They’re so shiny!!!”

They then put all their stuff into plastic bags and a hobo bindle.

They crawled into the metal sewer pipe and used a rock to break it open. They timed it to the thunder.

Remember the picture from before?

https://twitter.com/soundsaboutrig4/status/1423850586403864576

See. Everything came back.

Andy asked Left to go into the poop pipe first, but Left made him rock-paper-shank over it.

Andy lost when Left shanked him. Andy crawled 500 yards in poop. He got poop in his shank wound. Left did warn him. Just saying.

They ended up in a river and used soap to get the poop off.

We then cut to a bank. Left and Andy walk in like they own the place and ask for their money.

Left told me he said “I want tens because I want to make it rain!!!!”

We also find out that Andy was able to get 370,000 in cash. Or about the GDP of half of Asia these days.

We also cut to a newspaper getting a massive amount of documents.

Half of it was evidence of the Warden’s crimes and the other half was Left’s book “Escaping from Shawshank Like a Boss.”

The idiot didn’t realize they didn’t publish books.

The newspaper did, however, print all the evidence against the Warden and the Kurgan.

The Warden realizes he is proper fucked and decides to Hemingway his way out of it.

The Kurgan gets arrested and he cries “There can be only one.”

The Warden sprays strawberry jam all over his windows. How rude.

We then see Morgan got a post card. It’s from Left. It says “We escaped. Got that money. Banged chicks. Drove down here. We’re going to Zaywhataheyoooooo. Don’t tell anyone. P.S, Remember the treasure marker!”

We cut to Morgan Freebird getting another Job Interview. This time it’s in front of a bunch of neerrrrrddddssss and cucks.

They ask him if he’s been rehabilitated. He goes “I rehabilitated all over your mom’s chest last night.”

Then he shat on the table while going off on them. I mean he goes wayyyy over the line. He even mentions something about talking to the hand or something.

Anyways. The interviewers are cucks and they give him the job.

Morgan leaves his work camp for a new life as living in a depressing apartment and working at a shitty job with ungrateful assholes who make the lives of retail workers miserable because they are miserable and want to lash out.

Just the good life.

We then find out his boss isn’t a micromanager because he doesn’t require you to ask permission to piss. Guarantee there are bosses who would because they are broken people.

We start to see the effects of institutionalization of Red. He has those same dark thoughts, but Morgan Red has something to do. A goal. A promise.

He takes the treasure map and goes looking for the X.

He finds it and inside are two sandwich bags. One is a letter from Andy telling Morgan to free him and a bit of money to help with expenses.

In the other is a half-eaten and fully rotten ham sandwich from Left. The note says “Eat this. It’s good. I tried it to make sure.”

Morgan Red decides to quit his job and goes down to Zaywhatahheeeeeeyyyyyoooooo.

We cut to Red walking down the beach. Upon an old boat are two people. One is Andy working on the boat.

The other is Left and he’s passed out. A bottle of tequila in his hand.

Red starts to speak, but Andy puts his finger to his mouth to silence him. He points to Left. Morgan nods.

Andy then creeps down off the boat and he and Morgan flee. They leave Left there and they go somewhere parts unknown to live out their lives as friends.

Left woke up and realized he was left alone. He was broke and called me. I gave him the cash to come home.

He shows his thankfulness by not singing.

It’s a life and friendship and that’s all one could hope for.

Well. That was Shawshank Redemption and it is legit one of the best movies ever.

It has so much soul and poignant moments. It shows bonding and strength and fortitude and friendship and struggle.

It is damn near a perfect movie.

@threadreaderapp unroll