Thread by @_CrazyNairobian

Unadhani umeangukia dem wa Java kumbe umeangukia dem wa Jaba. THREAD.

Arif alikuwa wale ninja wakienda out kukunywa inakuwanga kama family reunion juu kwa drinks zake hakuwezi kosa Four Cousins, he had a thing Four Cousins kama Kabi wa Jesus. Kazi ni kuwakunywa tu.

Hiyo siku alikuwa ametoka executive meeting so alikuwa amevaa tuxedo kama kunguru, alafu juu ilikuwa business Date alienda kwa Calendar ndio wamu-lend gari. So deal ilikuwa ime go through fiti akaamua kufika locals kukamata kinywaji baridi.

Alikuwa wale wasee they don't chase alcohol they only chase women, so main aim yake akienda out kukunywa ni kutafta kadem kazuri anaweza a-Liqour kwa Table yake in the hopes wanaweza Meza machupa kadhaa pamoja.

Hiyo siku akikamata chupa zake in this Bottoms Up economy, dem flani aka pullover kama cardigan, aka request kama anaweza kalia the empty seat opposite our ninja. Dem anakaa poa lakini anataka kiti ndio akae poa zaidi 🥺

Uso amepaka tumeric na paprika spices, eyes brows amepaka wanja ungedhani ame underline forehead alafu dress yake ilikuwa fupi kama lifespan ya mbu, ni ile dress huwa mgongo wazi kama obambla ukiwa nyuma yake unaweza dhani ako uchi.

Our pal alikuwa a gentleman so definitely akakubali dem akae, after all sio kila siku swara hujileta mbele ya simba, ilikuwa blessings in disguise.. akauliza Dem kama anaweza penda kununuliwa kinywaji. Dem aka turn down the offer but in a polite way.

Akadai kuna mtu anangoja ni vile alikuwa amechoka kusimama coz table zote zilikuwa occupied na hiyo table ya arif ndio ilikuwa na vacancy pekee yake. Arif akaamua yeye sio gurudumu so haina haja akuwe na pressure.

Wahenga walisema huwezi furahisha kila Msichana, wewe si Mpesa... Arif akarudi default settings ya kukunywa his cold drinks pole pole, minding his own business kama sole proprietor. Pressure akawachia Pascal.

DJ kwa background alikuwa anacheza Ohangla back to back, mzikii bila jasho coz men of class walikuwa in the house... Kupata hustlers wa kuzunguka mzinga moja watu ishirini ni ka wanafanya body viewing ilikuwa ngumu sana.

Dem on the other hand ni ka alikuwa anangoja daktari coz she was patient but later on akaanza ku lose Patience kama hospitali iko na incompetence... after making a few unanswered calls akaanza kukaa uneasy. Arif akajua now it's the best time kurusha ndoano.

Akaita bartender akamshow aulize mrembo atatumia kinywaji gani alafu chupa zikuje kukuja, dem akaona haya akasema kinywaji atakunywa na bartender akacheza kama yeye... Akatandaza meza na vinywaji vile inafaa.

Dem alikuwa wale watu ikifika kwa drinks ni guzzler, ni wale hukunywa kila kitu hadi wanaume... wale ukidhani unaweza wateka after a few drinks basi your wallet is in trouble coz just like a lawyer huwa hakosi ku pass the bar.

Arif alikuwa amechoka kuchukua sheria mikononi mwake, kila siku kumaliza data ya Mia kwa porno za Khalifa, kutumia Mia ku Mbao na unaweza enda kutafta mapenzi ya dhati... Kama mayai akasema hiyo siku lazima a get laid.

Wakakunywa pole pole arif aki brag vile ako papers kama gazeti na alikuwa anadai ku drink the night away so alikuwa ana make sure tumbler yake ii-Mejja pombe. Dem kuskia our pal ako salaried ka nonsense aka get comfortable.

Sauti mzuri humtoa Nyoka pangoni. Suti mzuri humtoa Nyokabi Pangani.

Ni hivyo walijipata kwa mansion ya Arif after a few drinks.

Arif akaambia mrembo a get comfortable na a feel at home... Akacheza kama a fisherman of clothes akavua nguo alafu akatoa dem dress yake but msichana hakuwa na haraka.. ni wale hutaka vitu zi flow pole pole, one thing at a time.

Dem alikuwa thicker than blood, ni wale wakiruka juu wakiwa uchi kinyambizi ina make it clap like a church choir... Alikuwa amevalia lonjere ile yenye uzi inagawanya kinyambizi mara mbili kama Red Sea nyakati za Musa.

Wahenguzi walinena You can't cum to a conclusion without an erection, Arif njwang'a ilikuwa imesimama kama gari kwa traffic jam ready to park into some coochie... hiyo time yote alikuwa ana think with the wrong head juu ya thirst trap.

Dem akamshow a "Relax" wapige shots kadhaa kwanza alafu baadaye anaweza itisha shots zenye anataka... Arif akaamua "Why Not" kitoweo ikiamua kuji marinate yenyewe mbona apinge? Yeye na his 9inches waka relax kwa his couch watching his 52inch TV.

Dem akauliza mahali jikoni iko ndio angalau aunde cocktail moja hatar bin fire, arif akamuonyesha na dem aka twerk her way into the kitchen akiwa ameshikilia purse yake... Arif hakuona anything suspicious.

Omuzingindi ilikuwa bado imesimama wima kama askari jeshi kwa parade, alikuwa tayari kuzama kwenye kidimbwi cha uzazi. Akaweka Netflix ndio a manifest "Netflix and Chill"

Dakika tano baadaye dem akarudi na cocktails mbili, akapea arif moja alafu wajuaji walisema mkitaka Mkate maji vizuri lazima mpige Toast. Arif akapiga toast alafu akapiga yake flash ndio akuwe na time ya kufikiria vitu zingine.

Dem naye akazidi ku supply shots one after the other, Wahenga walisema pombe ikizidi chaser mlevi huwa taabani. Shots zilikuwa zina flow midhili ya whiskey rivers.

Walikuwa wanaongea kiswahili lakini Arif akaanza kuskia kizunguzungu... Akaanza kuona dem kama mapacha yaani kuona mbili mbili... aka discover his njwang'a was not the only thing falling asleep, eye lids zilikuwa mzito ungedhani zina lift weights.

Usingizi ilikuwa inakuja ikienda kama title hopes za Arsenal, alikuwa anaona nusu nusu... Kitu aliona ya mwisho ni miguu za watu kadhaa kwa nyumba yake ni kama ako kwa cartoon episode ya Cow and Chicken 😢

Aliamka akapata alilala kwa kiti kama cushion, mlango ilikuwa wazi kama kanisa on a sunday, alafu kuna vitu ni kama ziliamua kuhama bila yeye, vitu kama TV, water dispenser, mini fridge, home theatre, blender, pasi... In short electronics.

Una expect kulala na Msichana unapata umelala pekee yako kama bachelor.

Kushika mfuko kutafta simu anapata aliwachwa mteja coz alikuwa customer wa wezi, akatoka nje kuona kama radar ni safi aka realize haoni gari ya car hire, kitu anaona tu ni haya... Akagusa mfuko one last time ana realize hana car keys 😢

Unadhani umeangukia Michelle kumbe umeangukia msichana wa kukuwekea wanaume Mchele kwa Bar.

Kumbe hiyo time yote akipewa shots dem alikuwa anatumia pishori kama chaser... juu ya stress Arif akapiga flash kinywaji ilikuwa juu ya meza atoe lock kumbe bado ilikuwa a cocktail made in Mwea Tabera akarudi ku block out.

Unataka Jaber lakini hawa wa Jaba ndio wako. Siku hizi mchele haipatikani kwa harusi pekee yake, chunga kinyaji yako ama ujipate umelala mteja. Drink with people you trust. DRINK RESPONSIBLY 👊