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David Burge Profile picture
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8 Sep, 6 tweets, 2 min read
If you can't understand the utter mock-worthy absurdity of a bunch of Brussels bureaucrats issuing HR warnings to cavemen who just dispatched the largest military force on Earth, I'm afraid I can't help you
So are you saying that your every waking thought is haunted by an obsessive jealous rage over my virile animal magnetism
*runs to Google image search*
*looks at first picture of some guy named David Burge*

wow, you got me there, totally not obsessed internet detective
I'm not one to turn away gift-wrapped material

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
9 Sep
ONE DAY AT A COMPANY WITH 101 EMPLOYEES

intercom: Bob and Chuck please report to the manager's office

Or, on second thought, how about I just fire you both now so I don't have to deal with any of this bullshit at all
I got 99 problems and OSHA ain't one
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
7 Sep
I have it on good authority that @NateEMiller will be keeping track of the CFB Marble Game again this season. Rankings aren't really meaningful until week 5 or 6.
Refresher on the rules:

1. Every P5 (+ND & BYU) team starts with 200 marbles, every G5 team starts with 100
2. win at home/neutral field, take 20% of opponent's marbles; win on road, take 25%
Thus as of right now:

Every P5 team w/ a road W vs a P5 team has 250 marbles
Every P5 team w/ a home W vs a P5 team has 240
Every P5 team w/ a road W vs G5 team has 225
Every P5 team w/ home W vs G5 team has 210
Every P5 team w/ win vs FCS has 200

/1
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
6 Sep
Time to get to work on a Labor Day episode of #DavesCarIDService
*1959 Cadillac assembly line, when Detroit and tailfins were at their peak. If you have a mystery vehicle you'd like solved, please first read our Terms of Service agreement:

dcids.substack.com/p/dcids-the-te…
Behind this dapper Mad Man and his elegant mother are a 1960 Pontiac, and behind it a 1955 or 56 Mercury, unable to tell due to blur
Read 26 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
6 Sep
What's all this about dewormed horses shooting COVID doctors in Oklahoma
I blame Bat Child
God bless our brave Rolling Stone reporters on the ground in Oklahoma, risking assault rifle-toting horses, COVID tornados, and murderous Sturgis bikers all hopped up on dewormers and meth to bring us the news
Read 8 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
5 Sep
Today's #DavesCarIDService will be short and sweet Image
*The Pick Sisters, performers with Irving's Midgets, who are about to open for Barbara Lamarr and "The Shooting of Dan McGrew" at the Riviera Theater Chicago 1924. In the background you can see the Uptown Theater under construction.
**Standing behind a 1923-24 Nash sedan; across Racine Ave are a 1924 Moon and 1924 Hudson sedan. The corner of Broadway, Lawrence & Racine in Uptown was ground zero for Prohibition Chicago speakeasies and theaters, including the Aragon Ballroom and Al Capone's Green Mill.
Read 26 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
3 Sep
The hell we don't
It's literally the entire point of the text
Protip: don't try to con somebody who was street racing and smashing mailboxes and organizing cornfield keggers at your age
Read 7 tweets

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