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Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
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12 Sep, 4 tweets, 1 min read
*remember to buy milk and eggs*
*remember to add an alert for keyword search “Ham prices going up.”*
*remember the 5th of November for British friend*
*remember twitter isn’t a reminder app that’s private*

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More from @Soundsaboutrig4

Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
13 Sep
Most fast food places have a secret menu. @Wendys has a secret Fight Club. Well, actually, more like a secret food kumite like in Bloodsport.

@Soundsaboutleft competed in the most recent one.

He still has night terrors about it. He'll randomly wake screaming "Baconator!!!"
Just as a bit of a preface. The Wendy's Kumite is how Wendy's selects its next menu item. Each combatant is one hypothetical menu item.

The winner of the tournament's food they were "given" becomes the newest menu item.

What? You thought a committee or some shit did that?
Left was chosen after he filled out one of those restaurant surveys. Actually, I shouldn't say one. I should say around 3,200 surveys. Each one said "I want free food!!!!" and then had provocative art and our address/phone number.

The dude loves Wendy's. He'd do anything for it.
Read 65 tweets
Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
12 Sep
Can I just point out how obnoxious neighbors can be.

So our little Vlad the Impaler rendition didn’t work with the first five fraggles, so we had several more attempts on our lives.

Now we have about a hundred out there and I just got a sternly written letter from someone.
It reads “You two are literally destroying this neighborhood. No one wants to buy a house on a street with rotting corpses impaled. The smell also is depressing. Please tell us why you’ve slaughtered beloved Saturday Morning characters en mass?

Clean this up or else!”
“Are we the assholes?” I asked Left.

“Uh. Was there any doubt? We spend our days slaughtering and drinking.”

“I think this might have gone too far.”

“It’s either we continue on or we get jobs that pay well enough to buy food. Good luck with that!”
Read 15 tweets
Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
11 Sep
Okay, so @Soundsaboutleft desperately need money and since neither of us are physically appealing enough, we decided to join a medical experiment.

The experiment would remove our brains and pump blood, etc. around and see if we could still talk.

They paid us $50!!
So I watched the interviews they did with us while our brains were gone.

Oh, right, they put our brains back in and this is my talking with a brain...it's...

JUST GO WITH IT!
So I'm watching the video and the first thing I noticed is that I keep screaming "I WANT A RED HAT TO PROVE I'M A PATRIOT!"

Weird.

Left keeps going "I have an immune system and don't need a shot other than whiskey! I know this because a mommy blog told me! Give me horse paste!"
Read 6 tweets
Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
11 Sep
Oh shit. Ohhh Shit. Fuck! FUCKKKKKKK!!!

@Soundsaboutleft and I just fucked up bad.

We thought we could handle shit since we ate gremlins without a problem.

We were fucking wrong. My Pet Monster fucked us up...oh god. It's TRYING TO BREAK IN!

We'd heard a rumor that My Pet Monster blood could be used to scare off fraggles.

We'd already had to fight off five of them earlier.

We did some googling "how stop fraggles murdering you" and we saw the post "So You're being hunted by fraggles."

So Left did a little more research "my pet monster blood 4 cell." That lead us to a rumor that there was a My Pet Monster living in Griffith Park in the old zoo.

It was a thirty minutes drive there, but we'd already siphoned enough gas from our neighbor's car to get us there.
Read 19 tweets
Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
11 Sep
So I eluded to this earlier, but earlier ...wait...I just...earlier earlier @Soundsaboutleft had a fight for our lives against a "delivery person."

Here's our tale of woe and triumph.
So earlier I was reviewing Die Hard and Left was shadowboxing while his Care Bear jerky (I'll get to that another day) cooked...cured? Whatever the fuck it does.

There was a knock on our door. I ignored it because it's a pandemic and I refuse to have human contact.
They kept hammering on the door. Like insis...insi...constantly.

I yelled out "Just leave it, asshole!"

They kept knocking. I looked through the door eyehole and saw someone wearing a death mask.

Not the king Tut type. The "wear during the purge" type.
Read 21 tweets
Sounds About Right 🌯 Profile picture
10 Sep
Not a lot of people know this, but @Soundsaboutleft was a tough NY cop who went to LA to follow after this wife and when he was at a ...

THIS IS DIE HARD'S PLOT. YA GET IT???

I'm reviewing die hard.
And I don't care if it's a Christmas movie or not. It's an awesome 80s action film.

It stars Bruce Willis as John Shirley McClane, the late, great Alan Rickman as Hands Across America Gruber, Reginald Vel Johnson as Urkel's neighbor, and other people.
(So due to a delivery being scheduled between now and whenever the fuck it comes, there's gonna be a large gap at some point while I put all that crap away...deal with it.)
Read 256 tweets

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