A thread on autistic distress -
So, for the last 2 days, I've been constantly sobbing and thinking "I don't know" and having to deal with really huge decisions.
My spouse has been very lovingly supporting me, which included putting any variety of food in front of me to eat.
1/7
So, for the last 2 days, I've been constantly sobbing and thinking "I don't know" and having to deal with really huge decisions.
My spouse has been very lovingly supporting me, which included putting any variety of food in front of me to eat.
1/7
Yesterday evening he suggested I watch a show and try to stop thinking about my dilemma, so I sat on the couch and turned the TV on.
He mentioned something else. I looked at him and said "Oh how has your work been?"
He was absolutely spooked by this.
"What just happened?"
2/7
He mentioned something else. I looked at him and said "Oh how has your work been?"
He was absolutely spooked by this.
"What just happened?"
2/7
"How are you suddenly acting normal right now?! That is the quickest change in mood I have ever seen you do."
I didn't think about it but I guess my demeanor came off as "completely fine having a casual chat with the allistic spouse."
I just said what? What do you mean?
3/7
I didn't think about it but I guess my demeanor came off as "completely fine having a casual chat with the allistic spouse."
I just said what? What do you mean?
3/7
My reflex, when focusing on someone else, is to be as "typical" as possible. To mask.
It's autopilot survival mode. I had to explain to him that it wasn't that I wasn't in complete distress. I couldn't even really explain it at the time tbh.
4/7
It's autopilot survival mode. I had to explain to him that it wasn't that I wasn't in complete distress. I couldn't even really explain it at the time tbh.
4/7
I believe that this sort of "quick switch" into acceptable-ness is something that I learned to survive, to not have to explain, to not "make a scene," to not put myself in danger.
It's second-nature.
5/7
It's second-nature.
5/7
I think it was also to protect me from the judgments that the people around me would make if I didn't behave "appropriately."
Maybe it's just a trauma response a majority of autistic people learn, especially people with marginalized identities.
6/7
Maybe it's just a trauma response a majority of autistic people learn, especially people with marginalized identities.
6/7
To non-autistic people:
This is to show you that autistic masking isn't just tailoring your personality a little. It's putting yourself and your needs behind everyone else's. It's suppression.
Don't assume that autistic people are okay even if they "look" like it.
7/7
This is to show you that autistic masking isn't just tailoring your personality a little. It's putting yourself and your needs behind everyone else's. It's suppression.
Don't assume that autistic people are okay even if they "look" like it.
7/7
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
