Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

Holy crap, @Soundsaboutleft just survived a bloodpath massacre at a 90s party.

It was insane.

What...

*drops cell phone*

Uh...awkward.

Scream is the absolutely brilliant meta humor comedy that came out in the 90s and revitalized horror.

Before it most horror sucked ass and was direct to video.

It stars Drew Barrymore, Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, David Arquette, @LievSchreiber, and the always awesome @MatthewLillard

And others...

Can I just take a moment and talk about how awesome @MatthewLillard is?

The dude always made me laugh (Hackers, Scream, etc.)

He was also the reason I watched 13 Ghosts.

Oh god. He was Shaggy and he was in 13 Ghosts and there was The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo and holy crap the universe bent the fates to its will to allow that to happen.

Uh...my brain exploded a bit.

Anyway. This movie was directed by the brilliant Wes Craven.

It also launched a billion knock offs that suckkkeeedddddddddd.

So let's watch this meta bit of 90s.

Scream starts out with the most terrifying thing of all time.

A ringing phone.

Drew Barrymore picks up the phone because back in the 90s we just assumed we wanted to talk to people who called us.

We were wrong.

I would legit rather get an email or a text or a carrier pigeon or a fucking letter on my door inked in blood than talk to someone on the phone.

There's some weirdo on the call who is like "Send boobs"

She hangs up saying "Wrong number."

HE calls back and she picks up again because...90s, man.

He's then like "I just want to apologize for calling the wrong number."

Then we get spooky establishing shots...hey. There's teh swing they'll hang her from.

We cut to her putting on jiffy pop or whatever and...man

That shit burns if you don't watch it.

The phone rings again andshe's like "LOL...same person eh?"

Then they chat.

Chatting with a stranger about nonsense?

WHO WOULD DO THAT????!!!!!!!!

We find out that she's watching a scary movie.

Hell...her favorite one is Halloween.

I mean...it's good

https://twitter.com/Soundsaboutrig4/status/1449148137315057664

Then he's like "Guess mine" and she's like "Meta" I mean "Nightmare on Elm Street."

Because...Wes Craven made that and Scream and

DO YOU GET IT???

https://twitter.com/Soundsaboutrig4/status/1450655579970555907

Holy shit I need a god damn abacus to keep up with all the meta going on.

One sec.

*snorts*

LET'S DO THIS SHITTTTT

Then the weirdo on the phone is like 'You got a boyfriend?'

'No'

'Why do you ask?'

'I wanna know who I'm looking at. LOL...I'M CREEPING ON YOU!!"

She freaks and a dog barks and I'd just poop myself.

She then locks the door and WHY THE FUCK WASN'T YOUR DOOR LOCKED?

Like people who are like "It's so safe you didn't even need to lock your door" were serial kill fodder for a reason.

And I need to take a moment to point out that Ghostface would be fuckkkkeeddd if he tried this with me.

I don't answer doors. I don't answer phones. I lock everything.

And I hate talking.

Sure, you could text me images of me, but I'd probably ignore it because I was watching TV or ignoring any texts coming in as I wrote reviews about the movie Scream.

DO YOU GET THE METAAAAA/S/DZF/KJSL;JKASSAF

*vomits meta everywhere*

Meanwhile the popcorn is fucked.

Just plain fucked.

Way to burn it so you could talk to a human being on the phone like a weirdo.

The guy calls again and Drew is like "LOL...that you again?"

He's like "Don't hang up or I'll post tasty things online."

Then she hangs up

He calls again and she picks up again because...why not?

He's like "I'm gonna gank you if you hang up."

Uh..just hang up.

I will say he does scare her by guessing her hair color.

He had...uh...just a really good chance of guessing that.

She's like "I'm gonna call 5-0"

He's like "They'll never make it...so don't do it."

Then he threatens to examine her insides.

He's a gyna..gyno...lady doctor??

Then he rings the doorbell and she panics.

Oh, sure. The phone rings 8 times and you're like "LOL...this the psycho again" but the pizza guy rings the doorbell and you freak.

Pfft.

Oh...and it's him and he's like "Don't say who's there" and she's like "I didn't say 'who's there'" and he goes "GOTCHA!!!"

Then she tells him her boyfriend will beat them up.

"He's in Canada. YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HIM!!"

She brags that he's a football player, but Ghostface is like "Uh...I'm in the band. I can take him."

Turns out Ghostface has her boyfriend tied up and on the patio.

Hahaha.

So that means ghostface had to drag the boyfriend onto the patio as he's tied to teh chair.

HAHAHA...I LOVE THE MENTAL HAHAHAHAHAAHAH

*scrraaatttchhhh*

Ghostface wants to play a game.

The game is simple.

He asks a question about a scary movie and if she gets it right...her boyfriend lives.

He's like "What's the name of the killer in Showgirls"

And Jaime Kennedy kicks in the door and screams "I MADE THAT JOKE IN THE SEQUEL JUST BEFORE I DIE!!"

Then he's like

"Next question. Who is the killer in Friday the 13th"

She screams "Heart disease!"

Ghostface is like "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Drew then farts into the phone.

This pisses off Ghostface and he kills her boyfriend by shoving it hard into him from behind.

Giggity.

Then he's like "POP QUIZ, HOT SHOT! WHO WAS THE STAR IN SPEED!?'

She's like "Uh..Keanu or maybe Sandra. You could argue.."

"UGh. Shut up. I'm going to kill you now. Just figure out which door I'm at."

Then he throws a chair through the window because he wants 7 years bad luck

Oh. shit. Right. Drew goes outside while Ghostface is inside (OR IS HE???)

Also...hhahaha. The jiffy pop is on god damn fire.

Drew gets caught peeking by ghostface as she sees her parents coming.

Ghostface throws himself through all the windows and isn't cut all to hell.

BU BU BU BULLLSHITT

Ghostface would have cut every artery in his body and bled the fuck out.

This movie would have ended 8 minutes into it.

Drew tries to run, but Ghostface catches her and stabs her boob like he's HOLY SHIT.

JUST LIKE MICHAEL MYERS DID HIS SISTER

METAF MEAT SDKLJFAS DFL;KJFAS
DFJ
A
EFJASDKLFJ

METAAAAASDDSFASDKFLJSJGA
SDFJ
DO YOU GET THE REFERENCSJKFEASFL;DJKLFAS
JASKFDJ

*vomits*

Drew sees her parents trying to go in. She tries to go to them, but her throat is fucked.

She pulls off Ghostface's mask and she's like "Uh...Is that you Skeet or Matthew...shit...who knows."

The parents go inside and it's smoky.

They're like "HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE GROUNDED. I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF I FIND YOU, DREW!!!"

The mom picks up the phone and they hear Drew dying on the other end or taking a shit.

The dad is like "Get in the car and drive to the neighbors to call the police because this is teh time of savages and only serial killers have cell phones."

They go out and we see drew strung up by the swing we saw earlier.

I'm impressed Ghostface could do that in about 15 seconds.

Coutn it...it's about 15 seconds.

So they killed off the biggest name in the movie.

A lot of people like to say "They pulled a psycho," but I'm going to get meta.

I'm gonna say they pulled a Nightmare on Elm Street and that was an homage to psycho.

SUCK IT!!!

We cut to Nev typing on a computer that has less processing power than any modern sex toy.

She's in rural bumfuck in the mid 90s, so she's on a wopping 14.4kbs or some shit.

Neve is writing a paper or she's trolling people on BBSs.

"Lol. The killer in Friday the 13th part one is totally jason LOLOL"

She hears a noise and goes to her open window because she has a death wish.

Her boyfriend pulls a Nightmare on Elm Street

*vomits up references*

OH, GOD. I CNA'T ASDFLJKSD J
ASDJKFJF
ksjdf

TOO MANY REFERENCES!!!!

Her dad tries to come in, but the door is conveniently blocked by the closet.

She goes and he's like "lOL. I'M GONNA GO BE A SUSPECT!"

Oh...her boyfriend is like "I was watching Exorcist because I can't stop talking about horror movies."

Then he's like "2 years ago we almost boned, but since your mom died...you're not horny at all. What gives????"

OH, SHIT. INDIGO GIRLS POSTER!!!

Hot tip, people. Don't pressure people into doing things they don't want to do especially after dealing with, oh, I don't know, the brutal murder of their murder.

Skeet pressures on her, but she's like "Uh...there's a line."

They give people teh softest boners ever with their make out session and she pushes him off.

He goes all incel "YOU GET ME HOT AND THEN PUSH ME OFF...THAT'S NOT NICEE HURRRRRR"

Oh...and all the while we hear the weakest cover of Don't Fear the Reaper since I covered it by farting into a sousaphone.

She tells Skeet to go home, but not before flashing him.

He's like "ISN'T IT CRAZY THAT I LOOK LIKE JOHNNY DEPP AND I'M PLAYING THE JOHNNY DEPP CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE"

Wes Craven comes up and gut punches Skeet and then kicks him in the face.

We cut to the school and there's police and news there.

If students were murdered today, we'd have GQP people protesting any kind of protection measurements and the cops would be screaming about how they're oppressed because they have to get vaccinated or some shit.

HOLY SHIT IT'S THE 90S

The fashion is making my eyes melt.

I love it.

We see various news reporters talking to various police officers.

Officers who aren't the sheriff or the like.

Neve gets a jump scare from her friend Tatum.

Neve is like "WTF is going on? It's not like I have the internet to find out about news."

Tatum is like "Drew was killed like in psycho."

Neve is like "I hope my boyfriend didn't do this."

Tatum is like "Ditto."

We see Neve in her classroom looking at the dead friend's desk LIKE IN NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.

Neve is called into the principal's office and HOLY CRAP I somehow forgot it was @hwinkler4real.

I LOVE HENRY WINKLER!!!

Deputy Dewie and the Sheriff and the Fonz are going to grill Neve. "Why did they cancel Party of Five??"

We're getting all kinds of hints that Neve had a tragedy in her past.

Then we hear the Fonz talking on the speaker "I legit love you all. Be safe. Take care of yourself. Watch Barry because it is legit one of the greatest tv shows ever. I can't wait for the next season to come on."

Then we see the whole gang of Neve's friends being meta as fuck and talking about horror movies and how it has to be a guy beucas ejfgfdhfjklgsdfalka
saad
kfjgskgvckx
jdkslfzxc,,jasdklfcx
j

They're so fucking self aware.

Then we get the first of many suspects.

Lillard is like "This is how you gut someone. Also, I dated the victim. But I didn't do it because I was boinking Tatum last night.

I can't keep up with all the references

I CAN'TASLFDKJGLF

Then Skeet comes screaming up going "I'M A SUSPECT!!!!"

With his suspicious ass behavior.

THEY'RE TEH KILERASLIFJGDIHUFDJK

Neve gets freaked by the conversation because, ya know, her mom was butchered by her boyfriend the eyar before.

We see the next most terrifying thing.

THE SCHOOL BUS!

Never gets off the bus and goes inside while music plays.

Man. She's got a nice ass house in a nice ass place with a nice ass view.

Like holy shit I want this house.

Neve calls her friend so she can stay at her place.

why didn't you FUCKING DO THAT WHEN YOU WERE AT SCHOOOLLLL??????!!!!

We cut to Neve getting her shit together and SPOOKY MUSICKSLFDJGFK

SPOOKY SPOOKY MUSIC

STINGERS MUS

HOLY SHIT SHE'S GOT A COOL AS TELEPHONE.

It's one of those old ones that you had to hold the receiver and talk into.

Neve turns on her tv a (Cathode Ray Tubular).

It's the news and Courtney Cox is on there going "NEVE'S MOM WAS BUTCHERED LAST YEAR BY NEVE'S BOYFRIEND AND HIS FRIEND!!"

Neve turns off the tv and then decides to fall asleep.

I bet you didn't lock your doors ya weirdo.

She wakes up to a call.

It's Tatum going "The script needs me to be late."

THe phone rings again and it's Ghostface.

He's like "Hello Clarice."

Then he starts to go "BOOOO BOOO SPOOOKY!"

She's like "LOL RAndy! You suck at this."

HE's like "Meta meta meta"

And she's like "Meta meta meta"

And I'm like "vomit vomit"

She's like "I'm disappointed in you Jamie Kennedy" and everyone after the 90s just nods.

And Ghostface goes "DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING CALL ME THAT NAME!!"

Then Ghostface is like "I'm calling from your front porch" and she's like

"I'm going out there because I have a death wish."

She goes out and screams 'I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE MY MOM WAS KILLED BY MY BOYFRIEND'

She looks around and then goes inside.

Ghostface snuck in behind her.

He almost got caught when he farted from the taco bell.

She's like "I'm hanging up"

He's like "Hang up and I'll kill you like I did your mom. Love your boyfriend."

She goes inside and Ghostface comes out of the closet.

He starts to attack Neve. He even headbutts her and is about to kill her when she fights back.

She then runs upstairs which SHE JUST SAID WAS STUPID TO DO META META MEAT LKAFJGDSLKDSAJLHJAFLDSKJ

MEAT MEAT MEAT GIVE ME MEATTTTT!!

She runs inside her bedroom and uses her closet to keep ghostface from getting to her.

Then she goes to her computer and dials 9 to teh 1 1 on it.

Considering she has probably a modem that goes as the speed of smell...the text to audio being sent to the operator probably sounds like "H...........E.........L..................................................................................P....................................

................................................................................M........................................................................................................................E..............................................................................

Luckily for her, Skeet is at her window pounding of to her stripping.

AND TO BE A SUSPECT.

Though, that's impossible because ghostface couldn't have gone downstairs and crawled up to the second floor so that has to be Matthew Lillard.

Skeet is like "it's okay...i'm going to act all kinds of suspicious."

Then he drops a cell phone.

IN 1996 HAVING A CELL PHONE MEANT YOU WERE RICH AND/OR A SERIAL KILLER.

People today don't realize that.

But if you ever travel back to 1996...cell phone = killer.

Neve runs away and goes downstairs to open the door to...Dewie holding the ghostface mask.

Uh...that thing would have fucking DNA on it.

IT WOULD HAVE DNA ON IT AND THAT MEANS THIS

*Wes Craven punches me in the stomach and then pistol whips me*

They arrest Skeet because he had a cell phone.

He claims to be innocent.

That's when Tatum FINALLY FUCKING GETS THERE.

Way to be late.

They decide to take Neve to their house to st...oh god.

He's back to kill me.

I...I gotta hide!!!

*whispering*

I've got to go do something for a few minutes. I'll be back.

Ugh. Some asshole kept texting me "Let's play a game" and "You're blonde" and I'd go "I mean...not really" and then he'd go "I've seen your butt" and I'd go "who cares."

Then Cox shows up with Kenny (W Earl Brown...he's a peach), her cameraman and Cox is a real dick about trying to exploit Neve's tragedy.

Then Cox takes her anger out on Kenny.

Not cool.

We cut to Deputy Dewie trying to find out where Neve's dad is.

Dewey is like "We need a red herring."

Then we cut to Skeet being asked "WHy do you have a cellular phone? ONLY SERIAL KILLERS HAVE THOSE!!"

Then "Why were you at your girlfriend's place? That's weird!!"

Skeet then eye fucks Neve going "I'm going to kill her for having me arrested for the things I did."

Then we cut to Cox trying to get an interview with Neve.

SKeet is then like "Neve. Tell them I didn't do the things I did!!!"

Tatum comes up and is like "We're going out teh backdoor so Cox can get a photo of you."

Meanwhile, Deputy Idiot is like "This costume is popular. We can't track it. IT'S NOT LIKE DNA EXISTS IN 1996!!!"

Then Tatum emasculates Dewey. Like Dewey goes to have a crying wank later that night.

They go out back and get caught by Cox with her gotcha journalism of "What happened"

Cox makes a smug comment like "I'm making money off the death of your mother" to Neve and Neve decks her.

We cut to Tatum's house and Tatum's mom comes in and goes "Neve. You have a call from a serial killer. He has a weird voice and keeps asking if I want to play a game."

Then Ghostface is like "LOL. Tatum's mom is a fucking idiot. Also. Skeet didn't do it. THERE'S NO WAY THERE COULD BE 2 KILLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then we see a city gripped in fear of ...*burps*

Oh, god.

I think I ate too much meta.

We see a news report about Liev being convicted of Neve's mom's murder.

Skeet was released because the local police are just awful at their jobs.

Neve goes into the school and every stereotypical news reporter tries to get her to tell her how it feels to almost be butchered.

Neve pulls out a knife and starts to stab them in teh throat and screams "LIKE THAT MOTHER FUCKER!"

Neve then goes over to Cox and is like "LOL. You're making money off my mom's murder."

Way to talk to her aboutgsdsafksfjs

*snores*

OH GOD...THE META COMES FOR ME!!!

Oh, ew find out that Neve's mom allegedly banged Liev and left the house and then she was butchered by Skeet and Lillard.

Oops.

SPOILERS YET AGAIN

Neve then goes to class.

Cox, meanwhile, is getting off on the idea of ratings.

IT'S NOT BELIEVABLE THAT REPORTERS WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR RATINGS LIKE BACKING A WANNABE DICTATOR WHO ACTIVELY TRIED TO DESTROY OUR DEMOCRACY.

LOL HOW UNREALISTIC!!!

Inside we see people dressed as Ghostface after the media tells teens "Hey...here's the costume that the killer used. Pick one up to create more red herrings."

Neve runs into Skeet and he's like "Still think it's me who was there? It wasn't. It was Lillard. We're working together. see ONLY ONE KILLER PER MOVIE."

Then he poops on a picture of Johnny Depp.

Skeet acts like a total dick that Neve won't bang him even though her mom was butchered and she was almost killed.

Skeet is like "lOL. MY MOM LEFT ME. THAT'S THE SAME BECAUSE I'M A DUMB SHITBAG!"

Neve. Dear. You can do better than Wish Johnny Depp.

We cut to the Fonz expelling 2 students for wearing ghostface masks and then becomes a suspect over the worst scissor cutting sound effects eve

*farts*

r

I love Henry Winkler.

He's the best.

We cut to Neve in the shitter when other girls talk shit about her being a liar about the attack.

Uh...idiots. 2 of your school mates were butchered.

Ah, who cares. These 40 year old high school students are idiots.

Neve listens to the girls call her mom a slag.

That's..man.

I guess these 40 year old high school girls would know since they were in Neve's mom's class.

Seriously...wtf did they get these actresses?

Neve goes to the mirror after enduring a verbal hammering.

She hears someone shitting really loud.

Like..SHITTING REALLY LOUD.

She looks down and sees no feet.

IT'S A GHOST SHITTER!!

Then we see Ghostface whispering as he farts.

Then he steps down off the shitter.

Hahaha. Ghostface has been waiting in that god damn bathroom HOPING Neve would go in there.

Hahahaha...how?

HOW?????!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

This fucking movie.

Oh. And we see these boots. REMEMBER THESE BOOTS FOR A RED HERRING MOMENT!

Neve runs out of the bathroom after being attacked by Ghostface...uh..

no one seems to give a shit.

So is that shdosgjiflkgsjf

jaklgjreufdsoj
sfdjka

*vomits*

THE META IS RIPPING MY GOD DAMN ATOMS ASUNDER LIKE MY ASSHOLE AFTER TACO TUESDAY!!

Cox then goes to Dewey acting like she wants that Dewey Dong.

Mostly to manipulate him to get a story.

We then hear the Fonz going on the PA going "AYYYYYYYY THERE'S A CURFEW, ASSHOLES!!! DON'T FUCKING DIE!!"

Dewey hits on Cox and Cox wants the cocks.

Tatum is trying to assure Neve that Ghostface wasn't in teh bathroom.

Lillard comes up and screams "I'M GHOSTFACE KILLER. LET'S HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT AT MY HOUSE SO I CAN KILL ALL MY FRIENDSSSSS!!!!"

We cut to the Fonz putting on the ghostface mask as someone knocks on his door.

He opens his office door and sees NOTHING AT ALL.

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUFNDLSKJKL

You know this scene was written to give a reason for everyone to leave the party.

There's another knock and he starts to look around for who did it.

He yells something and Freddy Craven ( REFEREEENCE MOTHER FUCKKKKKERRRRR! ) is the janitor in the hallway.

The principal goes back into his office and gets murdered.

He screams bloody murder, but Freddy Craven is soooo pissed he call him a little shit that he's like "LOL. I'm glad you're being murdered in your office that's 3 FUCKING FEET AWAY!!!"

Ghostface would then hang the principal up on the goal post.

That's a lot effort.

We cut to Tatum's house where she has speakers out her window blasting School's Out for Summer.

Except it's not summer.

Also, it's not cool to blast your music so everyone has to listen to it. Even if it's a good song.

I hope you get killed by a garage door, Tatum.

Oh...and Tatum is like "LOL. Your mom was a whore. everyone knows she loves that dickkkkkk"

Then Tatum makes more fucking referneces.

Then we see Ghostface killer in the background.

We find out in a later SHITTY AS FUCK SEQUEL THAT THAT'S NOT LILLARD OR SKEET BECAUSE THOSE SEQUELS SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

We're at the video store and Randy (the meta reference guy) blathers on about movies to Lillard and talks shit.

Man..Matthew Lillard is the best in this scene.

He's so great.

Randy goes on a rant about how horror movies follow rules and real life obviously has to follow those because this is a movie script and meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta

reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference

meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta

reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference

meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta meta

reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference reference

While Randy is talking shit about Skeet, Skeet comes up to act all suspicious.

Then he and Lillard eye fuck each other and go "We're killers together!!!!!!"

We cut to some guy closing up his store and running to his car so his wife can drive hi home. It's so scary that a 90s mom even cares that her kid is near her. THAT'S HOW CRAZY IT IS!

We see everyone gettingready for the curfew.

We then see Dewey driving Neve and Tatum to the police department.

They make more horror movie references.

Ready Player One WISH is could make this many references without being insufferable.

Wait...they're going to a store.

Whatever. Dewey is going to the station.

We then see Neve/Tatum talking about sex and blah blah.

In the background OF A FUCKING PUBLIC STORE is ghostface sneaking around. no one notices even though everyone is on high alert because movie.

We cut to the sheriff. Dewey comes up to him and gets yelled out because he went to get ice cream.

The Sheriff is angry and nervous. See. The calls came from NEve's daddy using a cell phone.

They keep calling it cellular because the 90s were weird.

Basically, the next day is the anniversary of Neve's mom's death and they think he went crazy.

They're going to search for him.

We then see the sheriff drop his smoke and he has the same boots as Ghostface in the bathroom because we needed another red herring.

I don't know of many (if any reviewers) ever talk about how this movie actually does a great job of throwing out red herrings.

Like no one else seems to talk about the boots, but then I'm an idiot with too much time on his hand and a memory that knows movies but not real life.

Or maybe they do, but none that I've seen had because

*farts*

They're. not professional as dicks like me.

Dewey is 25 and acts like he's 10...it's weird.

Dude definitely had some kind of arrested development.

We then see a car drive and behind it a van stops and they litter...that's not cool, Kenny.

We get a song about the "youth of America" and that youth is now old.

WE'RE ALL OLD.

WHY AFSGJDKLSSJ

WHYASDFLKJG

WHAFYGOEUIRWFD
S
AFKDSJLKJASF

SDFJ

FIND THEG OD DAMN FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE SCIENTISTS!!!

We're at a party at Lillard's house and HOLY SHIT IS IT BIG!

Like every one of these people are rich as dick.

Inside teens are doing drinking and beer bongs and bong drinking and skeet sketketetekjalsfd sakl;fja
sdj
jfasdlkj
afsd

aprtafkds

PARTTTYYYYY

Cox and Kenny pull up and Dewey jump scares her.

Cox is like "I'm here to film underaged kids."

Dewey is like "LOL...same."

Cox asks to follow the Dewey D while Kenny hands her a portable camera.

inside they're taking votes on what horror movie to watch.

They talk about Jamie Lee Curtis and REFERENCES YOU FUCKING ASSHOLEESSSS!

DO YOU GET HORROR REFERENCES? DO YOU?

DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????
DO YOU?????

The doorbell goes and Cox comes in and Dewey is like "LOL...underaged drinking. I'm a shitty deputy."

Cox hides the camera so she can spy on drinking teens.

Wow..that's...that's probably a felony.

Tatum goes to get more beer and HOLY NIPPLES.

Those things could cut through blocks of glass.

She goes in to get beer while the door closes and A FUCKING CAT JUMP SCARES.

Cat jump scare is a reference.

IT'S A REFERENCE.

*smashes beers on teh ground*

REFEREEEENCEEEE!!!

The door is locked and Tatum is like "LOL...open up."

when no one does, she opens the garage and heads towards it.

It goes down and ghostface is there.

Tatum is like "Is that you RAndy?

Is RAndy the Shelly of this universe?

Tatum then is like "LOL. Wanna play psycho killer. I'll be the helpless, self-aware victim."

Then ghostface cuts her like your mean words cut through me, Yvette!!!

YOU KNEW THAT I LOVED YOUR ARTWORK AND YOU USED IT A

uh...

sorry.

Right. They fight and Tatum even gets a few hits in before she crawls through the pet door the cat jump scare established.

Ghostface lifts it up and that garage door has ZERO FUCKS to give about safety and breaks her god damn face/neck.

Like...an engineer had to go 'FUCK YES. I WANT PEOPLE TO DIE FROM MY GARAGE DOOR!"

Time passes and people start to leave.

Neve calls out for Tatum, but Lillard is like "I killed her. See...she was my girlfriend and we talked earlier about how killing your girlfriend required no reason. YOU GET THE META REFERENCE YOU CUCK FUCK??!"

Skeet comes running up and is like "Let's go upstairs so we can have sex and you lose your final girl status."

Randy is mad Neve goes upstairs and Lillard is the best.

Inside the van Kenny says there is a 30 second delay on the video for the hidden cam Cox left.

WHich makes...zero fucking sense.

Upstairs Skeet is like "Sorry for trying to have sex with you. It's my fault. GASLIGHTINGGGGG"

Neve is like "Fine. let's bang. I guess I'll settle for Johnny Depp we have at home."

THey boink and we cut downstairs to people watching Halloween and making comments.

Lillard is like "I wanna see Jamie Lee's booobbbbssss!!!'

Randy is like "there are rules for horror movie survival."

1. Don't jizz on a cactus
2. Don't eat food made by gophers
3. Don't do drugs that start with the letter 7.
4. Never say "Bees are back."
5. Don't shit in your own mouth
6. Remember video delays
7. Make unfunny lists

8. META
9. META.
10. META
11. WEAR COMFY SHOES

Meanwhile, Cox is in the van watching the delay when Dewey rips open the door and is like "I GOTTA BE A RED HERRING, SO COME WALK IN THE DARK IN ME FUTURE WIFE!"

Cox says "I'd love to...until we get divorced."

Dewey is like "Let's walk there."

This movie, again, sets up like...7 suspects and uses stingers and music to great effect.

We cut to more people leaving and Lillard going "I'm glad my girlfriend left because I didn't murder her."

We cut to Skeet dry humping Neve and just being terrible at boinking.

We cut back to Randy showing us boobs in the Halloween movie.

AND THEN IT CUTS TO NEVE TAKING HER SHIRT OFF BECAUSE REFEREEEENCCCCEEEEEEEEEE.

Except this movie shows no nudity.

We then cut to the phone ringing and Randy answers Lillard's phone because...90s.

We find out the principal was hung on the goal post and all the other teens leave to drunk drive to teh high school to watch their principal get peeled off the goalpost.

I am legit going to be the first person who says them running out like this is a reference to My Bloody Valentine.

I'm not kidding. I swear it has to be a reference to that.

Dewey and Cox are walking and flirting when they almost get run over by drunk drivers. They action roll onto the hidden car because plot requirement.

it's Neve's dad's car...HIDDEN

We cut back to post sex and...uh...it's been maybe 60 seconds.

Way to go, champ. You kept bugging her so you could be a minuteman.

Neve asks Skeet who he called.

he's like 'my dad.'

Neve is like "no you didn't. I heard the sheriff called him. lol. GOTCHA, BITCH!"

Skeet is like "I'm not the killer."

Skeet is like "I DIDN'T KILL PEOPLE EXCEPT THE ONES I DID."

That's when Ghostface comes in and "stabs him" in the dick over and over again.

Skeet pulls some Shakespeare shit and collapses all dramatic.

Ghostface wipes the blood because that makes the gloves nice and sticky.

Ghostface chases after Neve. She uses the world's worst lock to keep him in ...oops. He goes out the other door because that's Lillard and he knews how to get around his MASSIVE HOUSE!

Neve is upstairs in the attic and this is definitely a reference to Friday teh 13th part...3...4? I can't remember.

It's also a reference to Halloween and a few others.

REFEREENCESS FUCKKERRRSS!

Neve falls onto a conveniently placed boat. Again. Lillard's family is rich as dicks.

Neve sees Tatum even though no one else did which...makes...sure...whatever.

Who the fuck cares?

We cut to Randy (played by Jamie Kennedy) saying "Look behind you Jamie [Lee Curtis]."

THIS IS A REFERENCE TO HIS OWN NAME AND THE FACT GHOSTFACE IS BEHIND HIM!!!!!!!

HOW CLEVER IS THIS SHITASDF/DKJFGLERFJDklsdfad

*vomits*

Randy is saved by Neve yelling and somehow Ghostface hearing the lowest yell ever.

She goes up to the van and Kenny.

Kenny watches Jamie almost getting ganked and then goes "Let me go out...OH CRAP 30 SECOND DELAY. I SHOULD GET BACK...NEVER MIND."

Ghostface slices Kenny's throat and Neve screams "OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY. YOU BASTARDS!"

Ghostface stabs her once and she easily runs away.

Ah, crap.

I'm getting more texts.

I'm gonna take a photo of something and get that weirdo to stop responding.

BRB.

Dewey and Cox get back and Dewey goes inside while Cox out…side

We hear the climax of Halloween as Dewey looks around.

Cox goes and finds a dead Kenny. She’s was screaming for the cell phone and found the blood bank. Ha. Nailed it!

She locks herself into the van and calls for help. Randy comes to talk and she bears him with the phone. I understand.

Kenny slides down the windshield and Cox drives like she’s drunk. Neve jumps in front of the van because she’s a psychopath and Cox goes down the cliff. Neve is like “LOL Oops!!”

Neve goes to the door calling for Dewey and he comes out a bit stabbed. Ghostface follows Neve as she locks herself in a car. They play a game of whose got the keys and ghostface wins.

He starts to open the doors until he climbs in the trunk. Neve talks to the dispatcher as gf grabs her. They fight and Neve runs into the house. GF has disappeared yet again.

Neve gets the pew pew and Randy and Lillard run up blaming the other. Neve leaves them outside to both die. Hell yeah.

Skeet comes crawling down the stairs and is like “this fake blood doesn’t dry. Oh. Give me the gun. I’m a guy. I should have it!”

Neve gives into sexist pressure and gives it to him.

Skeet opens the door and lets Randy in. He quotes Psycho because fuck you reference and second amendments Randy. Turns out Skeet was the killa.

Oh. I spoiled that like 2 hours ago.

Neve checks on Randy and Skeet cites his references. Then references the blood recipe in Carrie

Neve tries to run and gets stopped by Matt. He’s also a killer. Double Killer in the sky.

Matt and Skeet then reveal their plan via villain monologue. See. The plan was that they frame people. Like they framed Liev using horror movies to get inspiration.

Then we get references on why they don’t have a motive. Except Skeet had mommy issues. Oh. And Matthew Lillard is the best part of this movie and this scene seals it.

We find out that they’re going to butcher everyone and set up her dad as the killer. I love this scene. So good.

I mean good cops would find the tape residue on the dad’s wrists, DNA in the voice modulator, etc.

But this is the same police force that hired Dewey. They’ll get away with it.

They even have a plan to stab each other to make it look real. Skeet stabs Lillard and vice versa.

Then Skeet stabs Lillard too hard and this seems like a fetish.

Lillard is the best

As they begin the end game of daddy decoy, Lillard notices the pew pew is gone. Rut roh, Shaggy.

Cox appears with the pew pew. She’s going to make her story. Of course she sucks at the second amendment and doesn’t understand safeties.

Meanwhile Neve ran away. Skeet doesn’t pew Cox because script.

They look for Neve as Lillard starts to bleed out as the phone rings. It’s Neve taunting them after calling 5-0.

Skeet freaks as Lillard breaks down in the best line of any horror movie after 1995.

Lillard is hands down the best part of this movie. Hands down. Like this movie wouldn’t be nearly as good without him.

Skeet goes to find Neve when he gets Halloweened. Okay. Look. That movie should be over. Good thing it isn’t because it distracted him long enough for Neve to stab him.

While dressed as Ghostface. Why did she do that????

No. Seriously. She had to go find it and then put it on

Skeet falls as Lillard comes running in to get beat down by Neve. She then hits him with a vase and drops a tv on him. Kid today need to understand TVs back then weighted 83747474848483838 pounds.

She then goes to get jump scared by Randy. Then Skeet chokes her before Neve fingers his gash and and he gets blasted by Cox. Skeet lays on the ground as Randy monologues about how sometimes they come back. Neve second amendments that away.

Then the dad jump scares Neve.

They help him out as Cox goes out. We see Dewey is alive.

Cox has a new cameraman and does a news repo…and she talks into the camera view we see instead of the cameraman because they wanted a cool shot instead of it making sense.

She does a weak intro. Including references and name dropping the movie. I’d have said “Fuckkkk. I got fucked up by two psychos who I helped gank. Fuck!”

Well. That was Scream and it is a fantastic meta horror comedy. It got horror back into the limelight and all horror fans owe it a debt. Even if it did have so much meta and references I vomited everywhere.

@threadreaderapp unroll