Today is 100 days since I was first admitted to hospital after taking a mixed overdose. I won't elaborate further.
Since then I have had 3 admissions; 2 to general wards and 1 to a #mentalhealth unit. I spent time as an informal patient and also detained under Section 3 1/21
Since then I have had 3 admissions; 2 to general wards and 1 to a #mentalhealth unit. I spent time as an informal patient and also detained under Section 3 1/21
I was under #Crisis services until last week...
Today is also the first night in 99 that I am spending alone, so to occupy myself and acknowledge the 'milestone', I thought I would reflect on 10 things that I have learnt in that time...
This comes with trigger warnings 2/21
Today is also the first night in 99 that I am spending alone, so to occupy myself and acknowledge the 'milestone', I thought I would reflect on 10 things that I have learnt in that time...
This comes with trigger warnings 2/21
As I will be speaking about #SelfHarm and #Suicide. I also apologise in advance for any poor grammer - I am typing this out on my phone, unable to use a key board.
These are just my own experiences/thoughts/opinions - they are not meant to be generalised. Nor are they based 3/21
These are just my own experiences/thoughts/opinions - they are not meant to be generalised. Nor are they based 3/21
on evidence.
So here goes...
1) Positive risk taking is still taking a risk. And it isn't a therapeutic if the patient isn't involved in the decisions. e.g when told I was being discharged after having only escorted leave for weeks. I felt scared not empowered. The last 4/21
So here goes...
1) Positive risk taking is still taking a risk. And it isn't a therapeutic if the patient isn't involved in the decisions. e.g when told I was being discharged after having only escorted leave for weeks. I felt scared not empowered. The last 4/21
time I had gone out on my own I had ended up in resus.
(If I didn't or couldn't advocate or aticulate myself, the discharge would have happened. At a time I didn't feel able to keep myself safe. As it was I negotiated 1 extra week where I built my confidence. 5/21
(If I didn't or couldn't advocate or aticulate myself, the discharge would have happened. At a time I didn't feel able to keep myself safe. As it was I negotiated 1 extra week where I built my confidence. 5/21
2) The lead up to a planned suicide attempt makes perfect sense, and no sense at all: I bought christmas presents, I timed it for a Friday when my rubbish would be collected. I booked annual leave. I wrote instructions and bought a printer. . . The day before I had my flu 6/21
vaccine and the day itself I did what has become an annual honoury lecture for final year nursing students on talking to patients about 'sexual health' (whilst my own body was starting to fail). Oh and I also changed my toilet seat whilst waiting for the ambulance. 7/21
3) It is REALLY unhelpful to tell patients that the ward is short staffed.
It may seem to make sense, in justifying why something planned can't happen, or will be delayed. But every time I heard it I automatically felt unsafe - mainly from myself. I also feared for other 8/21
It may seem to make sense, in justifying why something planned can't happen, or will be delayed. But every time I heard it I automatically felt unsafe - mainly from myself. I also feared for other 8/21
patients.
4) #mentalhealth professionals knowledge of #SelfHarm is really bad. On the ward, the consultant explained it better than I have ever been able to - as a see saw with suicidal thoughts/actions. Trying to explain why I didn't want a careplan in the community around 9/21
4) #mentalhealth professionals knowledge of #SelfHarm is really bad. On the ward, the consultant explained it better than I have ever been able to - as a see saw with suicidal thoughts/actions. Trying to explain why I didn't want a careplan in the community around 9/21
being supported to stop self harm - before I have learnt other coping skills seemed to make sense only to me, in the end I just signed it. Self harm can serve different purposes at different times and it's current function is actually to keep me safe.
5) Relationships will 10/21
5) Relationships will 10/21
change. On the ward, I made friendship(s) that I hope will last the test of time. I plan to always wear the green flourite necklace I was gifted.
My younger sister has literally been my keeper and I can never repay her.
I also recognise that I pulled away from some 11/21
My younger sister has literally been my keeper and I can never repay her.
I also recognise that I pulled away from some 11/21
people - I didn't want to hurt them/ worried about the impact of my possible suicide on them.
Some people were intrusive. Or gave unwanted opinions. Those I can't forgive.
I have been touched by the support of past/current/future colleagues. Some who were involved from the 12/21
Some people were intrusive. Or gave unwanted opinions. Those I can't forgive.
I have been touched by the support of past/current/future colleagues. Some who were involved from the 12/21
moment I agreed to admission.
And of course the wonderful people in the #MentalHealthMatters community on here.
6) #OccupationalTherapy is so under rated! I was fortunate to be in a hospital that recognised the contribution that OTs make. Doing groups gave me purpose, routine and
And of course the wonderful people in the #MentalHealthMatters community on here.
6) #OccupationalTherapy is so under rated! I was fortunate to be in a hospital that recognised the contribution that OTs make. Doing groups gave me purpose, routine and
helped me to start doing the colourings in that I continue to do today.
7) A ward is not a ward without an #MDT. It was a 'domestic' that supported me when I wanted a can of drink decanted (often!).
It was a HCA who held me close to her to stop me further damaging my arm. 14/21
7) A ward is not a ward without an #MDT. It was a 'domestic' that supported me when I wanted a can of drink decanted (often!).
It was a HCA who held me close to her to stop me further damaging my arm. 14/21
And helped to get me dressings.
It was the 'junior doctor' who listened to me after my therapy sessions, when I was struggling or needed to vent. (I am gutted for psychiatry that he plans to go down the medical route). It was a nurse that plaited my hair when my arm was broken 15
It was the 'junior doctor' who listened to me after my therapy sessions, when I was struggling or needed to vent. (I am gutted for psychiatry that he plans to go down the medical route). It was a nurse that plaited my hair when my arm was broken 15
Essentially what I am trying to say is patients don't see qualification or heirarchy, they see kindness.
8) Physical health shouldn't be neglected just because a patient is detained. I can't even elaborate on that one. It's too painful. (Excuse the pun!)
The final 2 are 16/21
8) Physical health shouldn't be neglected just because a patient is detained. I can't even elaborate on that one. It's too painful. (Excuse the pun!)
The final 2 are 16/21
probably the most triggering. So if you have made it this far, it might be time to get a cup of tea and a buiscuit 😂.
9) People can be not actively suicidal but also regret that a previous attempt didn't work... this was something I only understand through this experience. 17/21
9) People can be not actively suicidal but also regret that a previous attempt didn't work... this was something I only understand through this experience. 17/21
Perhaps I was naive, but I genuinely believed there would come a point where I would come close enough to death that I would choose to live. I think I probably read too many testimonies of people that have survived suicide attempts... but I also recognise this probably puts me 18
at greater risk.
10) As long as there is life there is hope. I write this from my beautiful bungalow. This evening I have changed my bedding, had a bath, washed my hair. I am wearing fresh pyjamas. I am listening to the radio. I couldn't have done any of these things if I'd 19/21
10) As long as there is life there is hope. I write this from my beautiful bungalow. This evening I have changed my bedding, had a bath, washed my hair. I am wearing fresh pyjamas. I am listening to the radio. I couldn't have done any of these things if I'd 19/21
suceeded 100 days ago.
I could not have tried a medication regime that seems to be helping - even if I complain at how much I take.
I wouldn't be able to start 18 months of therapy - that I have been needing for probably the last 16 years.
I wouldn't be able to share my 20/21
I could not have tried a medication regime that seems to be helping - even if I complain at how much I take.
I wouldn't be able to start 18 months of therapy - that I have been needing for probably the last 16 years.
I wouldn't be able to share my 20/21
story.
And I wouldn't be able to go back to a job I love, where I hope to support people that may or may not experience some of the difficulties like me.
💜.
#MentalHealthAwareness
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideAwareness
21/21
And I wouldn't be able to go back to a job I love, where I hope to support people that may or may not experience some of the difficulties like me.
💜.
#MentalHealthAwareness
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideAwareness
21/21
Kind of overwhelmed (in a good way) by the response to this.
Thank you all for your DMs, replies, likes and retweets.
And desire to improve practice.
Happy to do a thread on #SelfHarm in next few days @BevanRo. And if anyone has anything else I can cover just say 💜
Thank you all for your DMs, replies, likes and retweets.
And desire to improve practice.
Happy to do a thread on #SelfHarm in next few days @BevanRo. And if anyone has anything else I can cover just say 💜
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