Thread by @asuph

In the recent past, I've learned from two extremely independent, and mentally strong women, that they have this inferiority complex/imposter's syndrome thanks to the people around them -- family and friends, well-meaning, and good people. 1/

Our society doesn't validate achievements of women as much as it validates achievements of men -- even close friends/relatives, who, sometimes unconsciously, end up creating this sense of "I'm not good enough" (even for the partners who love them) or "I don't belong here" 2/

The point is, many of us, especially the men, do not realize that this is happening. That women around us, women we care about, women we look up to, are going through these micro-crises, and that we may be part of the culture that brought them on. 3/

We're part of this culture and by cultural osmosis, we've absorbed some of the habits and attitudes that help propagate it further. The innocuous joke, the leg-pullings, or, (like something I read recently) celebrating men's successes and women's sacrifices ... 4/

or just forgetting to congratulate women when they've done something noteworthy, to let them know they are good/competent/great/amazing at what they do - especially outside the traditional, "expected" roles. It's important. I've just lately realized how important it is. 5/

In a world where women are damned if they do and damned if they don't, even the best and the strongest of them can struggle with self-doubt. Everyone needs validation. Men, who step out of their designated roles get tons of validation ... 6/

even for doing the minimum -- like sharing housework, or even changing nappies of their own kids, while women get judged for putting their careers even somewhere at par with their families. And when they are successful, they are called cold/aggressive. 7/

I'm not saying you're doing all/any of it, but you may not be aware if you're doing some of it. Just be mindful. And be explicit with your admiration. Don't assume "it's understood". It may not be.

END/