Words matter.
As a #DisabledNurse I often deal with #ableism in my professional life. Today I was attending a national meeting and want to share what happened. It is not my intent to embarrass or call anyone out. I want to share my perspective with hope it helps ppl.
As a #DisabledNurse I often deal with #ableism in my professional life. Today I was attending a national meeting and want to share what happened. It is not my intent to embarrass or call anyone out. I want to share my perspective with hope it helps ppl.
When I know better I do better and I try to share my learnings. I was listening to an excellent webinar by a person who clearly had mastery of the topic today. During the presentation, that I paid to attend, they used the term “lame” several times to mean boring or not creative.
After several times saying it, I posted in the chat to please not use that word.
The speaker was talking and did not see the comment. Someone was reading questions and comments to them and skipped my comment while addressing all of the other comments.
The speaker was talking and did not see the comment. Someone was reading questions and comments to them and skipped my comment while addressing all of the other comments.
A participant who does not know me sent me a private message with the definition of “lame”. Like perhaps I did not learn how to look up word meanings during my 14 years of college.
I responded privately.
The participant responded to me again and said to let it go and posting my message in the chat was inappropriate.
Let’s unpack this a little. Yes, there are words that are harmful and stigmatizing that have more than one meaning. In most cases though it is easy to use a synonym to convey the message without harming anyone. (I.e. boring or dull vs. lame).
When someone is brave enough to speak up when they feel offended or harmed by language this is a great opportunity to learn. Becoming defensive does not help anyone. A simple, thank you for telling me is all that is needed.
One of the reasons ppl don’t speak up in these situations is fear. The dominant response is often to defend the person causing harm especially when they are harming someone who is historically marginalized, is “othered” or is an “only” in the space.
When ppl respond defending the speaker with an explanation of why it is ok to use a derogatory or stigmatizing word in response to someone sharing their harm it invalidates that human’s experiences. It causes further harm. It is a way of upholding oppression and marginalization.
This is a tool to keep ppl silent. It happens to Black and brown ppl all of the time when they share their experiences with racism. Someone has to jump in and say, “that happens to me too so it is not racism or I don’t think that is racism”. Don’t do that.
Telling me to let it go and that I am inappropriate for sharing my harm is tone policing. It is a key strategy used to make people afraid to speak up. Saying someone is unprofessional or inappropriate is meant to keep ppl quiet when they are outside of dominant group norms.
The message is be quiet or we will exclude you. Your presence in this space can be removed. The weaponization of Eurocentric colonial ideals about professionalism is a significant factor in why we are not seeing meaningful progress in the diversity of the nursing profession.
I am not going to share names or the event. I do not believe the speaker intended to harm anyone. The other person messaged me privately and I will maintain that confidentiality. I am sharing because I learn from historically marginalized scholars here and want to give back.
Of note, one person responded to me that I very nicely called the speaker in. Thank you, and next time please say that publicly. I appreciate the PM but if we want change we have to speak up as allies. The reason ppl do this privately is fear or being excluded too.
Ally is a verb. It requires action.
So here is my ask: 1) If someone tells you word(s) are harmful say thank you and do some learning. 2) Do not tone police ppl who show courage in speaking up. Keep in mind it is scary to speak up because folks have the ability to affect opportunities and professional success.
3) If someone is brave enough to speak up about harm and you are an ally speak up to reinforce the message and show support. A simple “Thank you for sharing. I did not know that” or “I agree” is helpful.
Language is evolving and mistakes happen. I have used harmful language because I did not know it was harmful until someone told me. I am grateful to learn when someone kindly informs me I used harmful language.
I use online resources to help me understand how to best communicate. The AMA equity guide has been useful for me. ama-assn.org/system/files/a…
The Disability Language Style Guide is helpful too. ncdj.org/style-guide/
If you know of other sources that are useful please share them. I welcome the opportunity to learn.
If you know of other sources that are useful please share them. I welcome the opportunity to learn.
I have spoken up publicly in two spaces in the past couple months and in both cases I was not supported. Everyone was either silent or defending the person who used harmful language. In both cases I was accused of being unprofessional and there is a practice to pay. However…
I will continue to speak up. That is how we address systematic racism, discrimination, and oppression. I understand that ppl may call me unprofessional or divisive. I get that I may be excluded. I understand the cost. I will continue. Change requires courage and I am not afraid.
I hope you will join me.
Price to pay**
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