Thread by @CrisAutisticArg

1- Thread about #autism from an #ActuallyAutistic, that can relatate autism with the #PhantomOfTHeOpera
in 30 seconds.. The thing with #autism is that you, if you are 30 years without diagnosis, that is not the problem, it is to have been living 30 years of a lie =>

2 - So everything is a lie until proven truthful. Feeling abandonment is not a feeing, is a real REAL MANIFESTATION.
We do not feel things, we live things. It is not something like we can stop feeling is for some way or we can chose the result of any manifestation from other. =>

3 - It hurts, because is real, it hurts because you are living a life in which people are getting away because of your #autism. Not because of you. Because if they could been able to understand it, they would know the impact, the result, what they are doing to us. =>

4 - But they don’t, they don’t care either. We are not allowed to think in ourselves but we have to understand when
they need to think in themselves and getting away from you. Is a “logical” and “understandable” reason. Because we are too much (according to them). =>

5 - But they keep on choosing us for what we are when we are adapted, when we are masking. They get in love of our masking, and our “Original” ourselves seems like an escape to reality too. So we are attractive in that way, we are original when unmasked, we are passionate =>

6 - we are interesting, informed, intelligent, but when we manifest the result of what society has done to us we are something to escape from. #Autism has something that nothing else have, contradiction, at the eyes of an neurotypical person. =>

7 - Because they cannot manage the change between the REALITY and OUR REALITY. We do live in a different reality because absolutely everything around us has a different meaning… And we cannot even begin with #ADHD, because that is the most powerful contradiction of all. =>

8 - That is the fuel of our engine in our #autistic car.
But, here is an important question.. what happens to the people like me, the ones that we can adapt, and live in this world? suffering, yes, but normal at the eyes of the outsiders? (I’m including couples as outsiders) =>

9 - We are expected to be in some way, that can surprise when the mask is off. And, let me tell you something, I came back from the place I felt I belong, #London.. to Argentina..
and I developed #PTSD. I’m in a constant burnout, alone.. not the way I would like it. =>

10 - I have a disability that affects my sleep really bad, and work and study all day because my only motivation in this moment is to move to #London. And it is fucking scary, but it gives me the dopamine I need to keep doing things that are not for myself, another time. =>

11 - Studying to complying the expectations, preparing to pass an interview that would require masking, to be what other person people would like me to be, even my partner… Because, I know, even if she repeats all the time how unique I am, she is not here. =>

12 - And People always has been said gorgeous things about me, but when the mask is out, I’m the fucking #PhantomOfTheOpera. They only like to hear me sing, from behind the curtain, hiding in the dark. But taking the mask off, is completely scary for all of them. =>

13 - I’ve been able to reach my dream to see #ThePhantomOfTheOpera at #HerMajestyTheatre in #London during Christmas in #London with my girlfriend, and I cried like I never did before. I also bough the mask, look: =>

14 - You can have two lectures about him, his just being the result of losing what he loves, but also is a monster because everyone considers him in that way. The Monster that scares people behind scenes, the Monster that is not like the rest. He wants her to be succesfull. =>

15 - The Monster that Is not behaving as he should, but, why would anyone understand him? That’s why Mascarade is my favourite song of all time.. represents the world, and the Phantom is able to to be there just because of that, with all that cost. =>

16 - Because going back from that party Is going back to suffering, to loneliness. I’m having a meltdown each time I came back home. No matter the situation, I take my mask and even the person besides me sometimes gets scared of my scars. #Autism is not a problem, people =>

17 - I would never say that , I’m proud to being #autistic and I would say, the problem are YOU, that you are making us suffering, and we can be really useful assets to this world. Yes, we have needs, we need more attention, we demand more things that we are asking, =>

18 - but it is not because we want to. We don’t. We only, need it. If not, the depression could lead us to very dark places. But nobody is thinking in that.
So, be the Phantom, defend yourself, and I’m at that stage of life, even in the office, I’m the bad one. =>

19 - But you know what?, being the bad one gives you respect some times, people won’t bother or expect things that will hurt you. #Autism is a joke for everybody if you are not clapping your hands or jumping around, so you become a joke for the rest.. enough.. because it hurts =>

20 - It hurts to be the one that is “wrong”.
Please, let me feel one time, that I’m not the one that is ‘wrong’, I would really appreciate it.

#ActuallyAutistic #Adhd #London #Uk #AutismAcceptance #AutismAwareness #autismpride

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