Thread by @hmm_cook

🧵How to get out of #AutisticBurnout when you can't quit responsibilities (parenting/work/etc).

This is meant as a framework, a guide. Please adjust for your own circumstances and needs.

#ActuallyAutistic #Neurodiversity #AutisticTwitter #AuDHD

Before we get practical:

Recognize that things are going to have to change eventually. You may not be able to quit your kids or your family or even this job, but something is going to have to change.

You can't heal in the environment that made you sick.

1. You can make a lot of gains for free, with little or no extra time, by picking apart and dissolving the untrue thoughts that are causing you pain.

You can do this even when the kids and loud and you're cleaning up peach juice flung against the wall, or your boss is raging.

Examples of untrue, painful thoughts:

I'm defective/ broken/unworthy.
I can never do anything right.
No one will ever love/accept me.
My parents/teacher/people were right to get on my case.
It will never get any better.
There's no way I can win.
People can't handle the real me.

These painful thoughts can feel so true, and when we believe them, they effect us in many ways that we often don't recognize, including health, interpersonal relationships, stress levels, they can add to sensory overwhelm, reduce tolerance for other people and ourselves, etc.

Try saying to yourself, three times:

"I'm having the thought that [insert painful thought here]."

And then, three times:
"I'm noticing that I'm having the thought that [insert painful thought here]."

What do you notice?

(You can do this in your head and no one will know.)

2. As stress levels from untrue, thoughts gradually decrease, it will free up trapped energy that you can use towards other things.

Other easy wins involve making small changes to your sensory environment so you're not spending as much energy fighting off the world around you.

Can you lower lights, screen brightness, cover your ears, get rid of something that smells nasty, or add pleasant aromas?

Can you arrange your chair to be a bit more comfortable? Do chores/tasks in a different order? Or at a different time of day that works better for you?

Start asking yourself questions like:

Does this give me energy or drain it?
Do I feel better after I do this or worse?
What about this situation is bothering me? Or feels restorative?
Am I more/less functional/communicative/able to deal with things after I do this?

Look for patterns and changes in patterns for clues to what things are helpful or hurtful to you. You may be surprised.

What would make each of those situations slightly better?

Even if you can't make it all better, even a little bit better can reduce stress and free up a bit of energy. And a feeling that you have some control over your life, which can help to reduce anxiety.

3. Gift yourself rest.

Even if it's two minutes in the car before you go into a store or pick up the kids or walk into work or get home. Even if it's in a bathroom stall, or taking a few extra moments at a task that you're not actually doing the task but it looks like it.

Give yourself moments here and there to restore: stimm, or sing, or close your eyes and breathe if that works for you, repeat a mantra, or do nothing.

Sometimes doing absolutely nothing, (absolutely nothing, not just non-productive time) of being in the moment is huge.

Even when chaos is going on around you, if you can center yourself, for even a moment, it can lower stress and give you a bit of resources to deal with the chaos.

At times, if possible, a little more self-care time is great.

4. Make small changes, slowly.

These internal movements can gradually carve out a bit of physical/emotional/mental space so you can make small changes towards experimenting with ways to change this chaotic situation, eventually, in more fundamental ways.

But still start with a little tweaks. Small changes. Ones that don't overwhelm. Even if it feels like it's too small to make any real difference, that's OK. Big changes start with super small moves.

Over time, the lowered stress, and seeing small things making a difference may spark ideas for new options that aren't currently available to you.

5. Give yourself credit!

Remind yourself frequently that you’re in this mess because our modern society is designed to be disadvantageous to our neurotype. That’s not your personal failure. And just existing in this world takes so much more work for you than for others.

Your past, too, is a series of events in which you struggled mightily and worked far harder than others, with limited tools to get the job done, and you did your absolute best at any given moment. If others didn’t see it, that’s their fault, not yours.

You’re doing amazing at tackling huge monumental tasks daily with with minimal resources. When those minimal resources aren’t enough for other’s expectations, it’s not your personal failure.

Give yourself credit for what you have done, which is a lot!

I wrote an expanded version of this here, if you're interested:

autismchrysalis.com/2022/10/22/how…

The bottom line is, that even when your situation is crazy and hectic and chaotic and overwhelming and awful, there are things you can do that cost no time or money, and others that cost very little, that can make a real difference.

Yes, it sucks that you have to do the work to get yourself out of a situation that you should never have been in.

But you've already proven that you have the strength and resilience to deal with a lot of crap for a really long time. You can use that to make things better, too.