Thread by @bschillace

The other day, a friend sent me an advert for a writing ‘camp.’ ‘Wouldn’t it be fun? we could go together!’ Camp: joining strangers at an unfamiliar place and being forced to interact. This is my hell. ‘But cool, like-minded people!’ Still nope. Why? On being an #introvert, a 🧵

My friend thought being an #introvert meant you only like socializing with people you find interesting—and as long as like-minded, it didn’t matter who or how many. That’s not introversion, though; that’s discernment and sensible curation. I, too, want interesting friends. But:

As an introvert, I want to hang with people ONE at a time. Two at once in some cases. Four is my max. And that’s even with people I know and love. I find social situations draining, not energizing. The effort that goes in is like running a long race but with no endorphin rush.

‘But you have been to parties/conferences—you’re a public speaker!’ True. ‘I’ve seen you—you are confident and fun!’ Incorrect. You have not seen me, but my shield/mask. I have to live in this world and work in it; I have developed professional coping methods. That’s ‘work me’

If you’ve ever seen me, as myself, at a large gathering, I’m somewhere in the back where I can see everyone and not interact unless forced to. If I find myself engaged and can’t run or work up the shield in time, I usually panic and talk about dinosaurs. And it *is* panic.

I do not experience stage fright when I’m *on* stage (I’m in control, the content is mine.) I do experience stage fright at the reception afterwards—the sweats, shakes, nerves. I leave early. I spend hours wondering if I ‘passed’ & second-guessing my interactions: #introvert

There are loads of us, too. More than you would think. (You just don’t see roving bands of #introverts because—well. Because.) Fun is cancelling plans and staying in to read with the cat. Or going out, but as a free agent, to people-watch without meeting up or interacting much.

It’s not that we dislike people, or that we don’t want to hang w/friends. We do. But there are so many social expectations/pressures: if you go ‘with’ people, you feel trapped and unable to excuse yourself early. We love our friends! But to enjoy it, we prefer small & intimate

I like being me. I’m not bothered by my introversion. If you’re an #introvert you are not broken. You don’t need to take classes to improve your sociability; you don’t need to ‘just get out more.’ You’re perfectly fine as you are. ❤️