Thread by @FoldableHuman

I need to do another full re-watch of Fifty Shades Darker, but I can't make myself start. You don't even start getting into the bugnuts stuff for a good twenty minutes, so the start of the movie is just a drawn out slog where Christian is inexplicably purple.

People are making jokes, but, no, I'm not kidding. He's supposed to be sad and dishevelled but he's just purple.

Part of me is convinced that after STJ was fired the makeup department decided to introduce one obviously, clearly awful lipstick mistake into each movie to see if the director would say anything, giving us purple lips in Darker and football mouth in Freed.

Okay, never mind, I haven't actually watched from the very, very, very beginning in a few months and somehow I *completely* forgot that the movie opens at "bugnuts" with a terribly shot "bad dream" and a downtempo cover of The Scientist (yes, I know what you want to say and yes.)

I'm still hung up on how Jose's photography exhibit is so extremely "I do engagements and actor headshots, too!"

These aren't bad, but they're pretty solidly in the "author dust jacket photo" zone.

This is Ana's firs novel; she loves classic literature, wine, and difficult men.

I'm super tempted to put in a joke that's only going to be funny a year from now after Avengers Forever undoes the ending of Infinity War.

To paraphrase Roger Ebert, "The director, [James Foley], has learned from better films that directors sometimes [frame characters towards the extreme edge of frame], but he has not learned why."

Book Christian is so unbearably condescending. (Also "a while" in this case is less than a week)

There's product placement, then there's this.

"The director, [James Foley], has learned from better films" part 2

I'm mildly hung up on how they kept "Mia bleaches her hair" as a moment seeing as it
1) is pointless
2) makes her look almost exactly like Kate
2a) which is intentional (grr blondes) but still pointless

Also after this scene at the ball Mia functionally disappears from the plot until she's kidnapped in the next movie.

Jack is supposed to be the evil version of Christian but
1) Christian is already the evil version of Christian
2) the thing that "saved" Christian is "being adopted by millionaires" (and also "being molested as a teenager by Mrs. Lincoln"?)

I'm submitting this for competition as "the worst line in the books"

It's
1) A mixed metaphor
2) that doesn't make any sense
3) is weird and clumsy at best
4) and is wrong to boot